Through a Window, Darkly

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Night 1

Prologue: I have read many of the great stories here at Pemberley. I have noticed that there are several versions of what might have been Darcy's feelings and actions during those fateful 12 days from the time that he left Bingley at Netherfield after his confession of interference until his return after Lady Catherine's visit. I have felt a desire of late, to develop more particularly the feelings of the other party most concerned here, that being Elizabeth. Miss Austen does give a few hints of this in her wonderful novel, but does not focus in specifically on what surely would have been a time of agony and soul searching for Elizabeth. To have only just discovered the man whom she could love, and then that man leaves town with no hint of when, or even IF he will ever return. It seems to me that no woman who truly loves a man could suffer such a separation without an inner turmoil of her own. With my deepest apologies to Miss Austen for not being capable of her genius I herewith offer my own poor effort:

Elizabeth eased herself back against her favorite pillow on the window ledge of her room. This was her place of refuge. This was the place where she came to reason things out whenever she was troubled or needed a place to think. Looking out over the property she often could draw on those favorite places and things within her view to bring her back to ground. This evening was somewhat different. One of the areas that her window overlooked was the roadway in front of Longbourn. The window did not provide a direct view, but the road was seen from an angle. On this evening her thoughts were confused and her mind was troubled.

At a distance along the road she could just make out the fading view of the forms of Darcy and Bingley as they returned from their evening visit. Elizabeth's mind was a whirl of activity as she endeavored to sort out her feelings amid the torrent of thoughts and frustrations from the aforementioned visitors. The evening had not gone as Elizabeth had hoped. Darcy and Bingley had returned to Netherfield after a prolonged absence. Lydia's marriage to Wickham was still a sore spot of feelings of embarrassment for both Elizabeth and her father. Her mother and sisters however, seemed to have gotten over the matter sufficiently so that the sudden return of Mr. Bingley to Netherfield had presented an opportunity for her mother to reinvigorate her match making efforts on behalf of her eldest daughter. Mrs. Bennet has obtained the necessary pledge from Mr. Bingley to attend an evening meal with the Bennet family that had long since been promised. Mr. Bingley had seemed hesitant somewhat, but glad to receive and accept the invitation as a means of renewing his acquaintance with Elizabeth's sister Jane, whom he had been separated from due to a conspiracy between his two sisters and his friend Mr. Darcy. Bingley had brought along his friend Mr. Darcy, much to the consternation of Mrs. Bennet, but she suffered it well, it being the only way she had available to gain the attentions of Bingley for her eldest daughter.

Elizabeth had felt nervous and acted nearly as flighty as her mother before the gentleman had arrived and had to struggle to maintain her composure throughout the long evening. Bingley had been seated next to Jane for the meal, while Elizabeth had to suffer the ignominy of being divided from Darcy at the other end of the table as he sat next to Mrs. Bennet. He did not seem either very comfortable or terribly overjoyed with his seating assignment. For most of the meal Elizabeth noted that he spoke but little to Mrs. Bennet, but did seem to observe the actions and mannerisms of his friend in relation to Jane and also he seemed to observe Jane as closely as he may without appearing to be overly rude. Every now and then Elizabeth had to divert her eyes as she felt Darcy observing her own person.

The shame and regret that Elizabeth felt for her past actions towards Darcy seemed to have caused her tongue to be glued to the top of her mouth. She spoke but little during the meal, and then only when spoken to directly. Try as she might, she could think of no way to gain an opportunity to speak with Darcy alone and express her heartfelt gratitude on behalf of the Bennet family for the things that Darcy had done for Lydia. In so rescuing Lydia and her reputation Darcy had restored the family's reputation and Elizabeth knew that it must have come at great personal cost to Darcy. Wickham and Darcy were the bitterest of enemies because of Wickham's dealings with Darcy's sister, Georgiana.

There had now been a long separation between Elizabeth and Darcy. The last time they had been alone together was at the Inn in Lambton, that dreadful day when Jane's letters had arrived and revealed Wickham in his true colors, and had nearly been the downfall of the Bennet family's reputation. All of Meryton had spoken of nothing else. So much so, that Elizabeth had given off visiting her Aunt Phillips in town, for fear of the gossiping behind her back, or whispered conversations as she past by old friends.

And now this most frustrating of evenings. Darcy and Bingley had attended supper, but at every opportunity of engaging him in conversation, Elizabeth had been thwarted by one of her sisters or her mother.

She was in hopes that the evening would afford some opportunity of bringing them together; that the whole of the visit would not pass away without enabling them to enter into something more of conversation than the mere ceremonious salutation attending his entrance. Anxious and uneasy, the period which passed in the drawing-room, before the gentlemen came, was wearisome and dull to a degree that almost made her uncivil. She looked forward to their entrance as the point on which all her chance of pleasure for the evening must depend.

"If he does not come to me, then,'' said she, "I shall give him up for ever.''

The gentlemen came; and she thought he looked as if he would have answered her hopes; but, alas! the ladies had crowded round the table, where Miss Bennet was making tea, and Elizabeth pouring out the coffee, in so close a confederacy that there was not a single vacancy near her which would admit of a chair. And on the gentlemen's approaching, one of the girls moved closer to her than ever, and said, in a whisper, "The men shan't come and part us, I am determined. We want none of them; do we?''

Darcy had walked away to another part of the room. She followed him with her eyes, envied every one to whom he spoke, had scarcely patience enough to help anybody to coffee; and then was enraged against herself for being so silly!

"A man who has once been refused! How could I ever be foolish enough to expect a renewal of his love? Is there one among the sex, who would not protest against such a weakness as a second proposal to the same woman? There is no indignity so abhorrent to their feelings!''

She was a little revived, however, by his bringing back his coffee cup himself; and she seized the opportunity of saying,

"Is your sister at Pemberley still?''

"Yes, she will remain there till Christmas.''

"And quite alone? Have all her friends left her?''

"Mrs. Annesley is with her. The others have been gone on to Scarborough, these three weeks.''

She could think of nothing more to say; but if he wished to converse with her, he might have better success. He stood by her, however, for some minutes, in silence; and, at last, on the young lady's whispering to Elizabeth again, he walked away.

When the tea-things were removed, and the card tables placed, the ladies all rose, and Elizabeth was then hoping to be soon joined by him, when all her views were overthrown by seeing him fall a victim to her mother's rapacity for whist players, and in a few moments after seated with the rest of the party. She now lost every expectation of pleasure. They were confined for the evening at different tables, and she had nothing to hope, but that his eyes were so often turned towards her side of the room, as to make him play as unsuccessfully as herself.

Mrs. Bennet had designed to keep the two Netherfield gentlemen to supper; but their carriage was unluckily ordered before any of the others, and she had no opportunity of detaining them.

Elizabeth had repaired to her room as soon as they left, so as to gain one last view of the man who had won her heart. Now they were gone from view, but not from her thoughts. Never in her life had Elizabeth's heart been so troubled. She had wanted desperately to go to him. To thank him personally, to express not only the deep gratitude that she felt on behalf of her family, but also to find out whether that secret that she held deep within herself could be true. Had he done it all for her alone? Her heart whispered that it was so but her mind knew that it could not be so.

"Oh, how could I have been so blinded?' she chided herself. "I, who have always prided myself on my astute observations of people. This was always what I felt my greatest strength. After meeting every new person I was able to present a caricature to my dear papa and we always laughed in agreement at the silly foibles of others. I never meant to perform so in a spirit of meanness, but now see how utterly foolish and childish I have acted. I have only ever looked at people no more than skin deep. I have always truly missed the person within, and never have I been so wrong as in my actions towards Mr. Darcy.

"Rather than seeing the well-mannered, rich young gentleman who has probably been put upon by every young lady and their mothers, as some sort of quarry. Being hunted like a fox with the hounds at his heels, Darcy had built a defensive wall around himself to protect his real character. I now see much more, but I fear that it is too late. Mr. Darcy is just the man who could suit me. His knowledge and experience are just what I need to broaden my own narrow experiences. I see now that I could soften his mannerisms, bring out those things that are the real gentleman in him.

"Alas, too late, I also see the failings of my own family. My mother, so nervous and flighty. My sisters Kitty and Lydia, chasing after every officer in the Regiment. Lydia, who will soon come to regret her marriage and the life that she will be forced to lead. Mary, who tries so hard to be noticed but only, succeeds in being boorish and unladylike. And Papa, dear Papa. I see now how he has so often failed my sisters in showing them only indolence and exerting himself but little on behalf of his family.

"It was not until that fateful letter at Rosings that my eyes were at last opened to my own folly and only then did I truly know myself. But these thoughts are of little merit. It is I who has been the most to blame. When I think back now on the times that Mr. Darcy and I were together I see how foolishly that I acted. At Netherfield, at the Ball, at Rosings -- oh, foolish, foolish, vain woman! I see only now how very hard that he was trying to show me his attentions. I was blinded by my own pride to his love. When he asked me to dance a reel with him at Netherfield why did I have to turn and be rude? Why could my foolish heart not see that he was only trying to amend his rude comment at the Meryton dance?

"Then later, I should have known better than to accept Wickham's cruel lies about Darcy without discovering the truth for myself. I see now that I was only using Wickham's stories to fan my own vanity and childish perceptions of people.

"How could I not have perceived Darcy's attentions at Rosings? He was kind and gentlemanlike at every chance. Always paying special attention to me. Venturing out to stroll with me in the gardens and shrubbery. Oh, how I resented it at the time, but long for just one such moment now. Blind, foolish woman! Mean and resentful am I. Surely I am destined to be a desolate, forsaken old maid. I see now, too late, what I have lost. Truly I could have been the happiest of women. I shall resign myself to a life of loneliness and heartbreak. ---Oh! -- Darcy!!......."

Elizabeth fell back on her pillow in silent tears. It was several hours later that she awoke only to discover that she had fallen asleep on the window ledge and her shoulder was now cramped from the awkward position it had been in. She crossed the darkened room wearily only to stub her toe on the bedstead, before falling exhausted into her bed. She had nearly cried out from the pain, but fearing to awaken the household and somehow having to admit the reasons for her sleeplessness to everyone caused her to stifle her cry in her throat. Sleep did not return easily that night, as her thoughts were constantly tormented of 'what might have been..."

2nd night

{a little short, but things begin to look up for Elizabeth after this last night of self-torture}

The day had started rather earlier than Elizabeth desired when Mr. Bingley had returned early that morning before the family had all arisen. Elizabeth was drowsily tugging at her curls with a brush trying to make herself halfway presentable for breakfast. Her unaccustomed lack of sleep from the long terrible night still hung heavily on her eyelids. Her shoulder still had a dull ache, and her toe still throbbed from the cruel blow it had received from the unforgiving bedstead. She heard a commotion in the upper hallway and could just make out the shrill cries of her mother as she tried to awaken Elizabeth's other sisters and trying to gather the family servants to help prepare Jane to go down to meet with Mr. Bingley. The ever faithful housekeeper Hill was nowhere to be found within Mrs. Bennet's shouting, but she had persisted in her effort.

After the commotion of the morning Elizabeth had finally been able to drag herself downstairs and suffered the ignominy of being dragged back upstairs again shortly thereafter, as Mrs. Bennet conspired to get Jane and Bingley together alone in the sitting room. It had all come to naught though. Bingley was all that was courteous and attentive. Jane was all that was sweet and shy. Elizabeth could only comfort herself with the thought that surely Bingley must shortly declare his attentions, perhaps on the morrow. Mrs. Bennet had secured Bingley's promise to attend Mr. Bennet the next morning on a hunting trip. Somehow, Elizabeth knew, her mother would surely make every effort to bring Jane and Bingley together alone again at the first opportunity.

As she settled onto the window ledge that second evening Elizabeth's thoughts were once again returned to a certain man who had entered and now left her life. During that morning visit from Bingley Elizabeth had received an arrow through her heart. Bingley had casually let it be know that Darcy had returned to London alone and Bingley had no knowledge of any of Darcy's future plans except that he might return again in 10 days time. Elizabeth was careful to not reveal her wound, but was sorely vexed that she dare not inquire further lest some suspicion be aroused about her own feelings which she was now more certain than ever would never be reciprocated.

"Teasing, teasing men! -- The first wish of my heart,'' said she to herself, "is never more to be in company with either of them. Their society can afford no pleasure that will atone for such wretchedness as this! Let me never see either one or the other again! "

But this wish was instantly overruled by the other wish of her heart, that being that most certainly one specific one of those two gentleman might appear at her door that same evening. Elizabeth gazed out the window in the general direction of Netherfield but found nothing to comfort her soul. The wind blew softly in the cool night air. Fall was already full upon the landscape and there were few leaves still clinging to the tree. There seemed nothing left to bring back the spring into her life. Only a dreary winter gale seemed to be just beyond the horizon, awaiting its full time to blow into her life. Whatever small hope she had treasured in her heart of hearts seemed to be turning the same rusted color as the last of the fall leaves.

"It is my own silly folly that has done this to me," she ruminated. "I confess that in my heart I had wanted to believe that he would come for me. I tried so hard at Pemberley to show him that I could behave better. I wanted to show that my manners were not so bad that I was beyond hope. I thought that I had conveyed this to him and that I saw some spark of recognition in his eyes. I was almost certain that he might still have some feelings for me, but now must admit my grievous error.

"Now I see the truth. It was only my vanity at work again. He only came to feel pity for me and the lost pride of my family. How could I ever have thought that such a one as he would stoop so low as to want to associate himself more closely with my family? Brother-in-law to Wickham? Silly, stupid girl! He probably would just as likely wish to cut off one of his arms than suffer such ignominy.

"Jane is to be happy. I see that more clearly now. But it is too late that I see the folly of my own actions. I have injured him too deeply with my prideful, despicable words. I now regret every foolish thought and word that I ever spoke to him. Too late do I come to realize how unforgiving life can be. It laughs at me and my silly, girlish ways. --- Oh, Darcy --- please find it in your heart to forgive me."

Elizabeth sat fully another half-hour at the window lost in thought. It was only the screech of an owl on the roof that finally roused her from her reverie. Tired as she was, Elizabeth was more careful on this evening and felt her way carefully across the room. Taking great care to avoid the bedstead, she climbed in and was not long further awake. Her dreams were not as troubled as the evening before, but were not all of a happy nature.

3rd night

From the dark and gloomy nights of the previous two days, Elizabeth was awakened to a brighter day by the pleasant voice of Hill -- "Good morning, Miss Elizabeth. You had best be up soon. I know that Mr. Bingley will be here soon and your mother will be around shortly to check on you. We've all noticed that you've not been your usual cheery self of late. It'd be best to rise and shine and put on a happy face. Perhaps you'll be able to go out for an early stroll today as the weather is not at all threatening."

Elizabeth had risen in a better mood. Somehow the bright morning sun had succeeded in breaking through her gloomy mood and after seeing Mr. Bennet and Bingley off on their hunt, Elizabeth had determined to take Hill up on her suggestion. Strolling down the pleasant lanes of the neighborhood had always been Elizabeth's means of self-renewal. The air had a pleasant, cool smell to it today. The full measure of the aroma of the dying leaves permeated her senses. The bright multi-colored leaves served as a balm to her troubled spirit. Elizabeth's pleasant walk remained uninterrupted by the sight of any other human on this day for which she was sorely glad. But after she had been strolling for a while she became weary from the task.

She decided to sit for a short time under the shade of an Ash tree that offered a comforting root for her chair. The sounds of the forest broke gently on her ear and brought a soothing sense of pleasure to her soul. A few stray birds could be heard crying in the distance as one lonely squirrel quietly gathered up the last of the fall sustenance that he would use over the long winter months. Elizabeth had never felt so alone in all of her life. Her dearest friend, Charlotte, had long since married and moved away; her sister Jane would probably soon marry Mr. Bingley. The long, pleasant years of childhood were now gone beyond recall. All that remained of her family were her mother, father and two younger sisters. Elizabeth could even envision several scenarios, which might have Kitty, also married, since she, like her sister Lydia, had taken to chasing so many officers. A comment that she had made to her sister Mary that fateful night of the dance at Meryton now came back to haunt her thoughts. Mary and Elizabeth had been sitting out the dance for lack of partners when Elizabeth had blurted out in frustration that since there seemed to be no one interested in them that they would have to be content to be philosophers.

"Philosophers," she laughed at herself ruefully. "Now that it is clear that I do not possess any of that ability I see that I am destined to become one." After musing to herself for a long while Elizabeth finally arose with a new determination. There was no one in her family in whom she could safely confide her secret thoughts. To do so with her mother was out of the question; her father she did not deem as satisfactory for the type of confession that she felt that was needed. Of her remaining sisters, Jane would be too involved with Mr. Bingley now that he was back at Netherfield; and Kitty and Mary were definitely out of the question. Only one other person in the world had entertained any notion of a connection between Elizabeth and Darcy. Perhaps that person, now long since married may have gained some deeper insight that could assist her with her secret troubles.

"Yes, that is it. I am determined to write to Charlotte this very day," Elizabeth resolved. "I shall confess all and beg her assistance in determining my future course." With that Elizabeth arose and strode off quickly in the direction of Longbourn. Upon arrival back at the house she had happily found all other members of her family too occupied in their own tasks to notice Elizabeth as she tripped up to her room. Once there she took pen and paper and soon had completely filled several sheets of writing paper, back and front with her sad tale. She poured her heart out to Charlotte hoping that she might find in her friend of youth that source of wisdom that she so desperately needed.

I dare not go into the full particulars herein, as that was a matter most confidential between the two ladies, however, let me at least report that Elizabeth confessed that at times she had lately had the sincere desires to follow in her sister Lydia's footsteps and run off to London on her own to find Darcy herself and fall penitent at his feet. Only her past upbringing had held her in check to this point, but her resolve at times she felt weakening. I cannot reveal much more detail save to say there were several things mentioned such as finding a cliff to jump from, or confining herself to a convent. Though on this last point she was unable to resolve to herself if the Catholics would look kindly on a member of the Church of England in their midst, and other similar fates that bare little import to my further tale.

After satisfying herself that she had bared her soul as much as allowed and praying for some divine insight from her friend, Elizabeth folded and sealed her letter and went downstairs to find Hill to have it sent to the Post. Not espying Hill in the kitchen, Elizabeth thought she heard some noise in the sitting room and thinking it best to get the missive on its way quickly, she rushed into the sitting room, only to discover her sister Jane and Mr. Bingley in a position much closer in proximity than had ever been noted before. One might even have described the matter as that Mr. Bingley's head seemed to be extraordinarily close to Jane's face. They quickly separated as if discovered in the midst of some secret that others were not to partake in. Both of their countenances flushed a few shades of red at the sudden appearance of Elizabeth, who quickly apologized and turned to leave as quickly as she had appeared. Jane had forestalled this by requesting that she stay and Elizabeth could hear Bingley's whisper to Jane that he was off to see her father.

Jane quickly brought Elizabeth up-to-date on the present joyous news that was to be shortly announced to the entire household. Namely that Bingley had finally pledged his suit and Jane had accepted. Bingley had gone off to secure their father's permission for the match. Such happy news as this caused Elizabeth to forget all about the letter in her hand and the necessity for getting it sent off was lost in the joy of the moment.

That evening, after Jane and Elizabeth had gone over all of the happiness about to spring forth in Jane's life Elizabeth returned to her room and her favorite thinking place again. The letter now lay, forgotten and unsent on her writing desk. "And this,'' said she, "is the end of all his friend's anxious circumspection! Of all his sister's falsehood and contrivance! the happiest, wisest, most reasonable end!'' But soon her thoughts again returned to her own sore predicament. With Lydia now married and gone to the north, and Jane now confirmed soon to be at Netherfield, how was she to deal with her own situation? Try as she might her brain kept coming back over and over again to those brief moments at Pemberley where she had felt the warmth of Darcy's love.

Her heart whispered to her that she must find a way to tell him of her love. There must be some way discovered that will allow me to get a message to him that I would be more than willing to accept his application now, if he would only renew it. Perhaps her Aunt or Uncle Gardiner could be applied to act as some sort of intermediaries. Elizabeth was certain that her sharp-eyed Aunt had detected more than she allowed during their visit at Pemberley, but had had the reserve to allow Elizabeth her privacy. And then in her Aunt's letter wherein she had revealed Darcy's involvement in the matter of Lydia and Wickham, Aunt Gardiner had certainly expressed some certainty of an attachment between Darcy and Elizabeth. Slowly a new resolve developed in Elizabeth's mind. Perhaps she could follow in Jane's footsteps and devise some excuse to go and visit in Cheapside with her relatives for a time and thereby be thrown into closer proximity to Darcy.

Elizabeth had soon devised several schemes whereby she might encounter Darcy at St. James Court, or perhaps if Mr. and Mrs. Bingley were in town visiting with the Hurst's and Darcy were there, Jane could invite her over for a visit. As Elizabeth now looked out over the landscape from her window, suddenly the winter gale seemed to be withdrawing further away and perhaps might be avoided entirely. The darkened shapes of the nearby trees no longer seemed the foreboding monsters of previous evenings, but were becoming the kindlier shapes of friends she had known all of her life.

There was a new spring in her step as she skipped over to her bed. The tensions of uncertainty were relaxing from deep within her body and rest came much sooner and easier on this night as dreams of a future happiness brought peace to her soul.

There is an old saying that goes something like this: "A woman in love is a woman determined to get her way. Best that the guy don some good running shoes..." (or something like that -- I think it was Aristotle that originated this phrase and it may have become somewhat distorted over the years!)

4th night

Mr. Bingley had again arrived quite early the following morning, and Elizabeth began to fear that this would remain his pattern throughout the required engagement period. Though she felt less stress now, after a night of a bit more restful sleep, she was still unaccustomed to having to rise with the chickens, as it were, in order to be timely dressed for his expected visits.

This particular day had also been a bit trying as Elizabeth's mother, as it was deemed necessary on this day to have Mr. Bennet have the carriage brought around so that announcements could be made throughout the village of the great joy that the Bennet family was soon to enjoy. Jane's wedding plans must needs be published with each of the four and twenty families that Mrs. Bennet was accustomed to dining with from time to time. The ebullient spirit that now abounded in Mrs. Bennet's bosom could hardly be contained, not including several of the local ladies who were expert seamstresses would have to be also met with to make arrangements for wedding gowns, trousseaus, and all of the various accoutrements and fineries required for such an occasion. Visits to the Vicar needed to be attended to, arrangements for a wedding reception of suitable proportions, with all possible details to be personally attended to by the mother of the bride.

Mrs. Bennet had dragged Elizabeth, Mary and Kitty from abode to abode, announcing her entrance at each with the same nervous, excited tattle. Mr. Bingley and Jane had begged to be excluded from the entourage as they expressed the desire to commence notifying extended family of the happy event by attending the local engraver to have special announcements designed and printed. The other three unfortunate young ladies were worn to a complete frazzle after the tenth doorway was invaded, but Mrs. Bennet bore on relentlessly -- never missing a beat or an excited squeak with each lady of the house. Never had the little village of Meryton previously been witness to such a display of feminine fortitude and excited libido. At certain of the homes there was found relief for the tag-a-longs as either Mary, Kitty, or Elizabeth would find one of their local young lady friends who could provide a few moments respite from their mothers constant effluence of spirit.

After their arrival back at Longbourn, the exhausted group had sought refuge in their individual rooms to prepare for the evening meal. Mr. Bingley was easily persuaded to attend the meal and Mr. Bennet held forth in one of his more good-natured speeches in providing Mr. Bingley a truly happy welcome to the family's repast. Bingley reciprocated in kind and noted that he would be most happily in attendance every evening from then on, except for those occasions where he had been forced to accept the gracious invitations of certain of the other local families already, including such as the Lucas's', the Worthington's' and the Wilson families.

After the strain of such a long day in the company of her mother and sisters, Elizabeth was well worn out and welcomed the peace and quiet of her room on this evening. She had not neglected to supply a happy visit to her sister Jane's room where dreams of a happy life were beginning to absorb the chief occupant. Jane and Elizabeth discussed at some length as to who was to be matron-of-honor, Jane desired this especially to be Elizabeth and she was overjoyed to accept. Various of the other local young ladies who were Jane's friends were also discussed as to also being members of the wedding party.

Dresses of various colors, styles, and laces were discussed in general; final details would await the visits of four of the local expert seamstresses, whom Mrs. Bennet had already engaged to prepare the wedding attires. These skilled ladies had promised to begin their visits to Longbourn as early as the 'morrow bringing samples of their offerings for Mrs. Bennet and Jane to express their selections.

Elizabeth's spirits had begun to brighten significantly gaining strength from the infectious happiness that now exuded from every pore of Jane's being. Elizabeth now felt contentment that Jane had at long last found happiness and security in the man who had chosen her to be his life's partner. Their temperaments were well matched and Elizabeth could easily see the happy life that lay before the two of them.

On this evening Elizabeth's feet were tired from all the climbing in and out of the carriage and up and down a large number of staircases. Her muscles ached from the unaccustomed bouncing to and fro in the carriage as the party raced from one house to the next, and one of her legs had developed a cramp from being restrained in an awkward position during several confinements in the carriage. Although she had determined to retain a happy, smiling face throughout the extended ordeal of the morning and afternoon, there did come a time when she had developed a headache after hearing her mother's profuse excitement conveyed for the 15th time.

She spent an extended time at toilet, changing into one of her most comfortable nightgowns, studying the face that looked out of her mirror with more than her usual attention. As her mind slowed and began to focus on the other necessity of the season, that being as to how she was to devise a method of signaling Darcy of her willingness to be more receptive of his attentions if he would renew them. A wisp of remembrance came to mind of a moment while she was visiting at Rosings and Darcy had approached her while she was playing for the gathered party. What was that comment that he had made...? Oh yes! Now it comes to my mind --- "We neither of us perform to strangers." She had missed the meaning of it at the time and had dwelled on it at length trying to devise his meaning. It was only after suffering what she now felt was his certain loss, that she could clearly understand his thoughts. "How could I have missed such a clear message?" she mused.

Elizabeth had now completed the arranging her hair for the evening and returned her comb and brush to its customary place on her nightstand. 'Elizabeth Bennet," she spoke to the face in the mirror. "I am determined that you shall take your place at his side. I will not rest until I have done everything in my power to persuade Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy that I am worthy of becoming the lady of his life. Neither the misfired arrows of Miss Caroline Bingley nor the ugly lies of Mr. George Wickham will be allowed to stand in my way. Perhaps I might rearrange my hair in some fashion. How might it look if it were much shorter," she pondered. Twisting up a handful of curls, Elizabeth reviewed her appearance in the mirror by looking first this way and then the other. Thereafter she stood and went across to her armoire. Reviewing her various wardrobes she tried to determine if there were certain ones that she could remember that might have caught Darcy's fancy. She thought back on those times, when they were together for any clues that he might have dropped as to style or cut that might aide her efforts. The only thought that came to mind was the one time when her petticoats had been soiled. "Drat, this will not do! When I least wanted to attract his attention is when I seemed to have been at its focal point. Now that I desire to capture his notice, I have not a clue where to begin. I shall consult with Jane on the morrow if she has some time -- and perhaps I might add some new items to my wardrobe to be used whenever I go to visit my Aunt and Uncle in town."

She now went to her writing desk and opened a small drawer in the center. Taking the now treasured missive out the Darcy had written to her at Rosings she read it over in it's entirety, her fingers gently massaging the final salutation and signature. "God bless you. Fitzwilliam Darcy." Especially now, those tender final words brought a tear to Elizabeth's eye.

Yes! This was the man of her dreams and she was determined to show him in some way that she was now ready to take her place at his side. Somehow, she would show him that she could understand and agree with his views of some of the silly improprieties that he had shown her to exist within her family circle, but marriage would allow them to be removed from the immediate and daily influence of these foibles. Surely distance and time would soften the need for their consideration, and the separation they would achieve by living at Pemberley should remove even the greatest of Darcy's reservations in this regard. Certainly a mother-in-law separated at a distance of several hundred miles would be easy for Elizabeth to achieve, as she felt certain that her father would come to her aide and forbid his wife from over-frequent visits to her second daughters abode. But she remembered that Darcy was not the kind of man who took kindly to ladies fawning over him. No, she was determined to not become another Caroline Bingley. Whatever methods Miss Bingley had followed were foreign to Elizabeth's nature. Elizabeth must rely on her own good sense and propriety to attain her goal. This night of rest proved to be more useful as Elizabeth's resolve took a more definite shape.

5th night

The tension in Elizabeth's back and legs had subsided somewhat during the peaceful night of rest. The house had been extraordinarily quiet this morning. Mrs. Bennet had risen at her normal hour overjoyed at the good fortune that had smiled on her family and provided her with the answer to two of her long sought prayers. In obtaining a marriage for Lydia and a fianc»e for Jane, some of the burden that a mother feels regarding having five daughters of a marriageable age had begun to dissipate. Having exerted herself on the previous day in communicating her joyful news to all of her friends, her mind was now turning to the more immediate tasks of providing for the appropriate wedding arrangements for her eldest daughter. In Mrs. Bennet's mind there had already taken shape an entire selection of the finest gowns. Each of her daughter's dresses was to be enhanced with the finest and most delicate of frills and laces. Several of the local seamstresses were to assist her in the preparation of an assortment of new gowns with all possible matching accessories. For this purpose Mrs. Bennet had already been digging through her assortment of patterns and styles for suitable ideas. For once, this task had so occupied her mind that she had not yet enlisted the aide of any of the staff or her other daughters.

Mr. Bennet, his mind still trying to recover from his total failure of insight and thereafter his failed attempts to recover his youngest daughter, had sought the solace of his beloved library. The welcome news of Jane's engagement had lifted part of his burden, but now he often dwelt on thoughts of what sums that he might owe to his brother-in-law for extracting him from his difficulties, and how in the world could he possibly make even a token repayment of this debt. He had only laid by a small sum for unexpected events or disasters, and this certainly seem to fall in those categories. His savings would amount to only a small pittance when compared to the sums he felt had been expended. The income from the estate was enough to keep the family in comfort, but would not suffice for much else. He began to ponder on what items would not be included in the estate and how much he might be able to get for them at auction. His accounting books lay open in front of him as he checked again and again each account, trying to ascertain such savings as he might in each record that could be used to reimburse his brother-in-law.

Kitty and Mary were nearly as exhausted as Elizabeth and elected to skip the morning meal in favor of a few minutes extra sleep. Mr. Bingley had arrived at his usual early hour and found only Jane and Mr. Bennet to keep him company at the morning meal. He announced that he had previously accepted an invitation from another of the local gentry, the Worthington's, for the evening repast. The invitation had been extended to also include his new fianc»e and so Jane and Bingley had taken the morning to drive to Meryton in his chaise and four. They had already been gone for over an hour before Elizabeth finally arose and ventured forth from her retreat.

Having found the family either occupied in their own ventures or gone out, Elizabeth had taken the opportunity to join her mother and spent the afternoon in reviewing some of the various patterns for dresses that had been brought to the parlor by Mrs. Boynton, the first of the seamstresses to appear. In addition to wedding gowns, Mrs. Boynton had brought along a number of sketches and patterns for other styles of dresses. Mr. Bennet had always been able to provide a good clothing allotment for each of his daughters and Elizabeth had always used her best business skills to provide her wardrobe with a goodly selection of the finest materials and dresses to be normally found in Meryton. However, what she was looking for now, was something that would be more fitting to a London environment wherein she hoped to encounter Mr. Darcy. The simple frocks and linen dresses that she normally wore were not sufficient for her current plans. No..., her wardrobe would have to be enhanced, not with the overly festooned costumes worn by Mrs. Hurst and Caroline Bingley, but perhaps of a better quality than she was used to wearing on her daily strolls.

That evening in her room, as Elizabeth's thoughts pondered on a new wardrobe, her mind became more and more troubled with remembrances of Darcy. His tall frame, the curl of his dark locks against his well tanned skin. There came also a sense of his smell, a gentle whiff of sandalwood. His dark eyes, his broad shoulders and strong arms, which she longed to feel comforting her. She had been in his presence for fewer than twenty-four hours total in all of the different times that they had met. But those times now came vividly to mind. She longed to see him again, to have more to treasure than these few memories.

"I should like to have his likeness," she mused. Elizabeth was somewhat skilled in the art of drawing and quickly decided to try her best to produce a likeness that might provide her some solace in her hours of loneliness. She gathered up her drawing desk and papers and sat quietly in her window seat for several hours, using her best-remembered skills to produce that which her heart desired. The object on the paper slowly began to take on that shape which her heart held secret. The drawing soon came to contain the image of the dashing form of Darcy as he sat bestride his horse. The horse seemed to be racing across a meadow in the distance, carrying its rider on some undisclosed mission, Darcy standing tall in the saddle as the courser stretched forth with all his might. "Come quickly back to me, my love," she whispered.

Elizabeth often gazed quietly out the window, hoping..., praying..., wishing... that the motions of the shadows might soon betray themselves to be her secret love, returning to be by her side. Secretly praying that he might appear to bring a peace to her soul. Also, other thoughts troubled her mind. Other thoughts of things that Darcy had said about her family that now brought fresh shame to the fore. "Lydia, shameful, foolish girl! How can it be that he would stoop so low to associate with such a family as mine? Mother, with all her foolish chatter and embarrassing attempts to match me to Mr. Collins at Netherfield that night. Mary, with her ill-timed attempt to display her feeble musical efforts; Kitty and Lydia chasing the officers. And Papa.. dear, dear papa. How blind I have been to have not seen his lack of familial attention." Tears welled up from within as the struggles of her heart and mind raged within. One small tear tricked down her cheek and fell, unobserved on a corner of the paper in her lap.

The hall clock struck two times and Elizabeth bestirred herself. Knowing that if she failed to get some rest this evening, some new challenge would present itself on the sun's appearance to test her fortitude. The candle had burned quite low as she stretched her body, trying to relieve the cramp in her shoulder and placed her sketch out of sight behind her writing desk. She crawled wearily into her bed and lay back on her pillow.

'Oh, why had you come again that day with Bingley," she moaned. "If you only came to see us in our despair, you had best remained away. But your eyes... though I only caught fleeting glimpses of them as you looked mainly at Jane and Bingley that day. ...No, they did not betray contempt. They appeared much softened than at previous times. There was a moment that morning that I had believed that you might speak, but then Kitty had walked between us and I had dared not betray my feelings in such a place and time as that.

"Oh, Darcy.... How am I to tell you of my spirit? It aches for you. I see now so clearly that how much information that I could gain from your superior experiences. You, who have lived in the world, and I who have known mainly this small home. How much might I gain in standing by your side? I need to be with you and for you to be with me. I long to hear your voice, ...to see your gentle smile would fill my life complete. I love you, Fitzwilliam Darcy. Please, please return to me." Sleep finally took control of her eyelids.

6th Night

Elizabeth struggled through the following day wearily. The lack of sleep that she was experiencing from the past week was beginning to tell on her. Though she struggled mightily, there were many times that day when a yawn could not be suppressed. At breakfast Kitty was the first to notice and expressed some little humor to Mary about Elizabeth's drooping eyelids and groggy countenance. Mary pontificated for a time about the important need for sufficient rest but finally became too occupied with her meal and her mothers chatter about the various wedding gowns under consideration, that she soon left off her torments of Elizabeth.

The remainder of the day was chiefly occupied by visits from various of the neighborhood women, several of them being about Jane's age and having grown up close by had become steady close friends with Jane. Bingley and Jane entertained each with good humor and were often noted to have quiet secret conversations of their own. There were also several young ladies, long acquainted with the Bennets, who lived at some further distance and arrived in the company of their mothers or husbands. Jane remained her gentle quiet self, the chief difference being the total sense of joy and happiness that shown forth in her smiles. She played the perfect hostess to each, introducing her fianc»e eagerly; all the while her mother flitted about as if she were a wild butterfly, pausing only briefly by each new visitor to flutter her good news to each and all in a dizzying display of lack of good sense and ill-mannered trite. Elizabeth could only wish that her mother would exhibit that other quality of that small insect as it flits about -- that being of total silence -- but no such fortune was likely to be found in Mrs. Bennets' actions. Incessantly she chattered and then swooped down on some new target that ventured within her realm.

That evening having accepted an invitation from Jane for a tÍte-›-tÍte Elizabeth learned that she and Mr. Bingley had brought up the subject of the time from the period over the previous winter when Jane had stayed with her Aunt and Uncle in London. Mr. Bingley owned that her presence in town had never been revealed to him until the morning before his proposal to Jane. It seems that Bingley's sisters had conspired against him along with his friend, Mr. Darcy and kept him otherwise occupied around town. Bingley revealed that it was Darcy who had finally lifted the cloak from his eyes and revealed the entire sad plot that had been carried out. Mr. Bingley had been momentarily angry with Darcy for his part in the deed, but after reflection could see how much it now troubled his friend to have been a part of the conspiracy. Bingley allowed that Darcy seemed truly repentant and had begged his forgiveness. Not only had Mr. Darcy revealed all, but had further been the chief architect for convincing Bingley that Jane did still hold deep feelings for Bingley and had encouraged him to press his suit at the earliest opportunity.

As Elizabeth returned to her room she now had even more reason to treasure those memories of her heart's chief object. "So, Darcy, it was again you who is the chief actor in providing a husband for another of my sisters," she sighed. "You whom I so angrily accused of breaking my sister's heart, has now brought it full circle to fulfillment." She reached behind her writing desk and pulled out her sketch from the previous tortured night. Gently she pressed her lips against the paper carefully so as to not smudge any of the freshly drawn lines.

Elizabeth completed her evening toilet and than resumed her seat in the window ledge. Slowly stroking her curls her thoughts seemed more at peace tonight. She mulled over her aunts letter and the events of Lydia's marriage and how her Aunt Gardiner had reported on the actions of Darcy. How he had searched through the whole of London, finally locating Mrs. Younge and then repeatedly meeting with her until he was able to wrest the truth of Wickham and Lydia's secret location from her. Thereafter his repeated meeting with that person whom he despised above all others on a daily basis, cajoling and finally bribing him marry Lydia and thus remove a dark stain from the Bennet family's path. Making all of the wedding arrangements, and purchasing a commission in the North so that Wickham and Lydia would be out of sight and minds of the Meryton community and thus allow time to quell whatever rumors might remain. Elizabeth's heart whispered over and over again 'surely he has done all of this for me...' but then she read again of how Darcy had said that it was solely do to his feeling that because he had been so reserved and not reported on Wickham's true character, his was the fault and he accepted this as a kind of penance.

Suddenly in the courtyard below Elizabeth seemed to make out in the darkness a male figure crossing toward the little wilderness corpse in the back. Although the carried a lantern the glow was much muted and only the outline of his back could be seen dimly. Elizabeth's heart raced for a moment as her mind played a trick on her and she thought that it might even be Mr. Darcy come to reveal his feelings once again. But just as quickly as these thoughts crossed her mind, she quickly realized that it was only one of the servants gone on some nightly round. 'Foolish girl...," she laughed. "Mr. Darcy? Come for you, and at this hour? ...And next, I shall suppose that he will appear below my window like some Romeo come to charm me at my balcony... if I only had one," she laughed at her own silly mistake.

Her thoughts soon turned to Darcy and of where he might be. She pondered at length on his strange silence during his final visit. Now that she had heard of Mr. Bingleys tale of Darcy's confession, she could little wonder at his retreat to London. He must have undertaken it due to his confession of his shameful part in having divided Jane and Bingley the previous year. And thus, after revealing his share of the sorry business, had felt too embarrassed to stay longer at Netherfield lest he say or do something that would further inhibit his friends happiness. "Yes, I begin to understand you now, dearest heart. I begin to see how things are with you. But now that you have repaired all that you formally sought to destroy... why do you delay? Has my foolish pride once again mistook your meaning. Oft' before I have taken your words and actions and twisted them to my own mistaken beliefs. Have I again not read you clearly? Oh... where can you be? Are you not thinking of me? Do you not hear the message of my heart beating on your door? But if you do not hear, how will I send my message of love? Whereof will I find a means of sending my own hearts willingness? Dare I entrust my hearts entreaty to his dear friend and my sisters soon to be husband? How would my love receive it? And then how can the matter be formed so that the messenger will not clearly understand my meaning, all the whilst revealing my true self to its hearer?"

It was not long thereafter that Elizabeth could see the servant returning from his rounds, his lamp bobbing in the darkness of the lawn. She quickly blew out her own candle and slipped wearily into her bed. Restless thoughts troubled her as she sensed some turning point in her life was about to occur. She knew not what or from whence it would come but she must steel herself for whatever challenges lay before her. She must prove herself worthy of the gift of his love. She had come too far on her journey towards happiness to surrender now with the goal clearly in sight. Surely the path to his side would soon reveal itself. She cast aside the last vestiges of youth that night ready to become the woman that Darcy sought after. Nothing now, save some cruel fate, would cause her to misstep.

7th Night

{Much of this chapter must come from the pen of another, as my own feeble attempts here could never bridge that vast gap between my own poor efforts and the genius of our own Lady Jane words.)

Evening quietitude could not come soon enough on this day for Elizabeth.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh... the surprise that Elizabeth had felt that morning when Darcy's Aunt forced her way into their drawing room was nothing compared to the shock and embarrassment that she had felt for the events shortly thereafter. Elizabeth was still worn out from the long night before, but found a sudden strength well up from within, as Lady Catherine demanded to take Elizabeth out for a stroll in the small wilderness area to the rear of the small park. Finally, at the urging of her mother, she bestirred herself and ran to her room to gather up her parasol and a warm wrap, it now being late fall with a constant chill in the air.

Elizabeth went over in her mind again and again the events of the morning. Her cheeks still burned with a suppressed rage that she had held in check that morning. Something that she was almost certain that even as little as six months ago she could not have done. As they had proceeded down the hallway Lady Catherine had opened door after door, much to Elizabeth's chagrin. Upon opening the door to the parlour she had pronounced the furniture not to her liking and made suggestions for changes to be completed. The dining room was also quickly surveyed and found to be wanting, though decent enough looking to only require certain refurbishment.

They had shortly passed through the main entry and were out on the main courtyard where Elizabeth espied the great barouche with two footmen awaiting in full livery. Elizabeth also thought that she had caught sight of Lady Catherine's daughter, Anne, waiting quietly inside the great carriage, but the window drape was pulled close and did not provide for a clear view of the interior as Lady Catherine proceeded quickly down the gravel walk to the copse. Elizabeth's guard was securely now in place as she could full detect some bit of seething disagreement just below the great Lady's countenance. Elizabeth had spoken no word with her ill-tempered companion, except for one brief comment when she had gone to get her walking garments. She resolved that she would not be the first to break the silence.

Elizabeth's inner fury at these events could only now be full released in the peace and solitude of her room. One of the muscles in her thigh had pained her much that day. It had tensed up in the bitter conflict that ensued that morning and had remained taught all throughout the remainder of the day. Though the pain and throbbing had caused her much grief she had maintained a stoic silence in the face of the onslaught, determined to keep her pain concealed.

Even now, so many hours later, each arrow and sling that had been flung at her from her tormentor's mouth still stung sorely within her breast. The brazenness and effrontery of Lady Catherine's tongue had lashed out at Elizabeth in wave after wave of insults.

``You can be at no loss, Miss Bennet, to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your own conscience, must tell you why I come.''

The words rang still in Elizabeth's ear. Upon her first appearance in the home Elizabeth had realized instantly the errand that had caused her appearance. There could be no other intent devised that would have caused the lady to have exerted herself in such a manner. Somehow she has detected that Darcy has an attachment to me and she means to put me on my guard to prevent the culmination of an event she has long planned for another. Elizabeth knew that she must not reveal her own part in the intrigue and braced herself for what was to come as against a plague.

``Indeed, you are mistaken, Madam. I have not been at all able to account for the honour of seeing you here.''

Elizabeth had spoken with an inner calm and resolve that at first had caused Lady Catherine to look closer, as if trying to delve the truth from behind Elizabeth's eyes. What she had found there must have affirmed the truth in her own mind as she rebuffed Elizabeth's first attempts at concealment.

``Miss Bennet,'' replied her ladyship, in an angry tone, ``you ought to know, that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in a cause of such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. A report of a most alarming nature reached me two days ago. I was told that not only your sister was on the point of being most advantageously married, but that you, that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would, in all likelihood, be soon afterwards united to my nephew, my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I know it must be a scandalous falsehood, though I would not injure him so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on setting off for this place, that I might make my sentiments known to you.''

As she listened to Lady Catherine, Elizabeth's mind raced forward, formulating her own means of repelling the assault. She knew that she must maintain her own composure at all costs. She must show no weakness or chink in her armour or she knew that she would soon be overwhelmed. Elizabeth knew from somewhere deep within her that Lady Catherine would soon be her own Aunt through marriage and strengthened her resolve to do or say nothing that could be used as a breech between Darcy and herself. She knew that she was now faced with an enemy that must not only be concurred, but in such a way that there could be no excuse derived that could be used against her in the future. This was truly to be the battle of Elizabeth's life, one that she could ill afford to loose.

``If you believed it impossible to be true,'' said Elizabeth, colouring with astonishment and disdain, ``I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far. What could your ladyship propose by it?''

``At once to insist upon having such a report universally contradicted.''

Elizabeth's inner turmoil had threatened to boil over her most treasured secret being discovered. But how? Who can have alerted her? Surely not Darcy, himself. No, Elizabeth realized immediately that Darcy would never have broached such a subject with his Aunt. She had already begun to recognize Darcy's mannerisms and suddenly want to laugh out at the thought that she had ever compared his gentle, respectful manners to the person now confronting her.

``Your coming to Longbourn, to see me and my family,'' said Elizabeth coolly, ``will be rather a confirmation of it; if, indeed, such a report is in existence.''

``If! Do you then pretend to be ignorant of it? Has it not been industriously circulated by yourselves? Do you not know that such a report is spread abroad?''

``I never heard that it was.''

``And can you likewise declare, that there is no foundation for it?''

``I do not pretend to possess equal frankness with your ladyship. You may ask questions which I shall not choose to answer.''

``This is not to be borne. Miss Bennet, I insist on being satisfied. Has he, has my nephew, made you an offer of marriage?''

Elizabeth's' mind fought to offer a reply that would be neither a lie, nor reveal her true circumstances. Knowing that the revelation thereof would astonish the great lady even more than this fancied rumor that had caused her sudden appearance at Longbourn.

``Your ladyship has declared it to be impossible.''

``It ought to be so; it must be so, while he retains the use of his reason. But your arts and allurements may, in a moment of infatuation, have made him forget what he owes to himself and to all his family. You may have drawn him in.''

``If I have, I shall be the last person to confess it.'' She spoke aloud, but continued to her own self: But should I be able to renew those arts and allurements on the object of my heart, I would do so at all costs. I know not how I may profess it, but you, of all people shall never prevent me now that I truly know my own heart.

``Miss Bennet, do you know who I am? I have not been accustomed to such language as this. I am almost the nearest relation he has in the world, and am entitled to know all his dearest concerns.''

``But you are not entitled to know mine; nor will such behaviour as this, ever induce me to be explicit.''

'I must be more careful,' she trembled. I almost revealed more than I ought. I see where she is coming from. I can now almost anticipate her words. 'No, Lady Catherine, you have offered your best and sought to vanquish me. But now, I see the end. You are defeated. Your words will no longer wound me; I have found peace in your anger. You have no control over my destiny.'

``Let me be rightly understood. This match, to which you have the presumption to aspire, can never take place. No, never. Mr. Darcy is engaged to my daughter. Now what have you to say?''

``Only this; that if he is so, you can have no reason to suppose he will make an offer to me.''

Lady Catherine hesitated for a moment, and then replied,

``The engagement between them is of a peculiar kind. From their infancy, they have been intended for each other. It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of her's. While in their cradles, we planned the union: and now, at the moment when the wishes of both sisters would be accomplished in their marriage, to be prevented by a young woman of inferior birth, of no importance in the world, and wholly unallied to the family! Do you pay no regard to the wishes of his friends? To his tacit engagement with Miss De Bourgh? Are you lost to every feeling of propriety and delicacy? Have you not heard me say that from his earliest hours he was destined for his cousin?''

``Yes, and I had heard it before. But what is that to me? If there is no other objection to my marrying your nephew, I shall certainly not be kept from it by knowing that his mother and aunt wished him to marry Miss De Bourgh. You both did as much as you could in planning the marriage. Its completion depended on others. If Mr. Darcy is neither by honour nor inclination confined to his cousin, why is not he to make another choice? And if I am that choice, why may not I accept him?''

``Because honour, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. Yes, Miss Bennet, interest; for do not expect to be noticed by his family or friends, if you wilfully act against the inclinations of all. You will be censured, slighted, and despised, by every one connected with him. Your alliance will be a disgrace; your name will never even be mentioned by any of us.''

``These are heavy misfortunes,'' replied Elizabeth. ``But the wife of Mr. Darcy must have such extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to her situation, that she could, upon the whole, have no cause to repine.''

'Yes, Lady Catherine. I have already tasted of those delights within his very presence. It is neither his money nor his station in life that hold any value for me. It is the wonderful feeling that I receive whenever he looks at me. My ears delight at the timbre of his voice, the touch of his hand on mine sends a thrill through my whole being. A heartfelt joy springs from within me whenever I have heard him pronounce my name.'

``Obstinate, headstrong girl! I am ashamed of you! Is this your gratitude for my attentions to you last spring? Is nothing due to me on that score? Let us sit down. You are to understand, Miss Bennet, that I came here with the determined resolution of carrying my purpose; nor will I be dissuaded from it. I have not been used to submit to any person's whims. I have not been in the habit of brooking disappointment.''

``That will make your ladyship's situation at present more pitiable; but it will have no effect on me.''

``I will not be interrupted. Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father's, from respectable, honourable, and ancient -- though untitled -- families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up.''

``In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter; so far we are equal.''

``True. You are a gentleman's daughter. But who was your mother? Who are your uncles and aunts? Do not imagine me ignorant of their condition.''

``Whatever my connections may be,'' said Elizabeth, ``if your nephew does not object to them, they can be nothing to you.''

``Tell me once for all, are you engaged to him?''

Though Elizabeth would not, for the mere purpose of obliging Lady Catherine, have answered this question, she could not but say, after a moment's deliberation,

``I am not.''

Lady Catherine seemed pleased.

``And will you promise me, never to enter into such an engagement?''

``I will make no promise of the kind.''

'How could I make such a promise? My very being cries out to him. I am his. He alone holds the promise of my future. I could as soon cut out my very heart and lay it here before you than allow my tongue to pronounce such a curse on myself.'

``Miss Bennet I am shocked and astonished. I expected to find a more reasonable young woman. But do not deceive yourself into a belief that I will ever recede. I shall not go away till you have given me the assurance I require.''

``And I certainly never shall give it. I am not to be intimidated into anything so wholly unreasonable. Your ladyship wants Mr. Darcy to marry your daughter; but would my giving you the wished-for promise make their marriage at all more probable? Supposing him to be attached to me, would my refusing to accept his hand make him wish to bestow it on his cousin? Allow me to say, Lady Catherine, that the arguments with which you have supported this extraordinary application have been as frivolous as the application was ill-judged. You have widely mistaken my character, if you think I can be worked on by such persuasions as these. How far your nephew might approve of your interference in his affairs, I cannot tell; but you have certainly no right to concern yourself in mine. I must beg, therefore, to be importuned no farther on the subject.''

Elizabeth felt her victory complete. She had vanquished the foe. Disarmed all of her enemy's sharp quills and arrows without inflicting any direct wounds herself. All that now remained was the denouement. Lady Catherine must call the retreat without having scored a single thrust. Elizabeth turned on her heel and paced quickly away, lest she make some fatal error at last.

``Not so hasty, if you please. I have by no means done. To all the objections I have already urged, I have still another to add. I am no stranger to the particulars of your youngest sister's infamous elopement. I know it all; that the young man's marrying her was a patched-up business, at the expense of your father and uncles. And is such a girl to be my nephew's sister? Is her husband, is the son of his late father's steward, to be his brother? Heaven and earth! -- of what are you thinking? Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?''

``You can now have nothing farther to say,'' she resentfully answered. ``You have insulted me in every possible method. I must beg to return to the house.''

And she rose as she spoke. Lady Catherine rose also, and they turned back. Her ladyship was highly incensed.

``You have no regard, then, for the honour and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?''

``Lady Catherine, I have nothing farther to say. You know my sentiments.''

``You are then resolved to have him?''

``I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me.''

``It is well. You refuse, then, to oblige me. You refuse to obey the claims of duty, honour, and gratitude. You are determined to ruin him in the opinion of all his friends, and make him the contempt of the world.''

``Neither duty, nor honour, nor gratitude,'' replied Elizabeth, ``have any possible claim on me, in the present instance. No principle of either would be violated by my marriage with Mr. Darcy. And with regard to the resentment of his family, or the indignation of the world, if the former were excited by his marrying me, it would not give me one moment's concern -- and the world in general would have too much sense to join in the scorn.''

``And this is your real opinion! This is your final resolve! Very well. I shall now know how to act. Do not imagine, Miss Bennet, that your ambition will ever be gratified. I came to try you. I hoped to find you reasonable; but, depend upon it, I will carry my point.''

In this manner Lady Catherine talked on, till they were at the door of the carriage, when, turning hastily round, she added, ``I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.''

Elizabeth made no answer; and without attempting to persuade her ladyship to return into the house, walked quietly into it herself. She heard the carriage drive away as she proceeded up stairs.

Although Elizabeth's mother had caught up with her at the bottom of the stairway before she could escape, she had been able to offer up a suitable nonsense that her mother quickly accepted. Elizabeth retreated to her room and secreted herself within for much of the day. Only venturing out for the evening meal during which she again had to struggle mightily to conceal the true events of the day. Only her father looked at her with some slight suspicion whenever she had lifted her drink and spilled its contents on her table napkin several times. However, whatever his true thoughts, he loved his daughter deeply enough to not want to cause her grief over a few lost drops of table wine.

As Elizabeth went over the events of the day again she offered up a silent prayer. She knew that it would not be long before Lady Catherine confronted her nephew. She also felt comfort in the knowledge that whatever else she was, Lady Catherine held the truth to be sacred and would report nearly everything that had passed between herself and Elizabeth in clear detail. Elizabeth had sent her clear message, knowing fully that the messenger who would be delivering it would never discover the truth. Only Darcy would understand her full intent. Now all that remained was for him to strengthen his resolve and make his appearance known at Netherfield for Elizabeth's dreams to come true.

'Hurry, my love. I eagerly await your return. I know that it will not be long.'

Elizabeth inner spirit suddenly received a calmness that she had not known before. She knew now that she would suffer no more. Darcy would return soon, all would be well. Elizabeth slept soundly for the first time in a week.

8th Night

Elizabeth stood quietly before the window, glancing out over the long familiar trees and small stone wall that separated Longbourn proper from the fields and woods beyond. All of her life had been spent here with only a few short excursions to towns nearby. One year she had the great fortune to spend a summer in London with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. She treasured that memory and the pleasure that she had received from assisting her Aunt with her children when the regular tutor had been taken ill for several weeks.

But now there had come a certain restlessness from somewhere within. Her recent journeys to Hunsford and then to the North and Pemberley had awakened a need and a certain longing for change into her life. Elizabeth now felt drawn to start her life afresh. She longed to see new things, to meet with new people. She felt a thirst after a new and exciting knowledge of the world. Mr. Bennet's library had served the family well over the years and the five girls had all received benefits from his efforts to offer what information that he could to his children. It had provided much in the way of information about the simple things that occupy a child's imagination.

During Elizabeth's brief visit to Pemberley Darcy had proved a most courteous host and taken her, along with her Aunt and Uncle on a brief tour of the main rooms on the ground floor of that great estate. Upon entering the library Elizabeth's' breath was quite taken away. She had been quite used to her father's library as well as several of the other families in Meryton having moderate collections. But nothing had prepared her for what she beheld when first the main portal was crossed. This library was something of a different nature than she had ever encountered. It was well organized with comfortable chairs fitted close by exquisitely carved wood cabinets. After closer observation Elizabeth determined it to be of the finest of Black Walnut, with glass front doors enabling easy inspection of the contents.

There were volumes of all subjects, many were leather bound in the finest manner. Other works appeared to be quite aged, perhaps hundreds of years old, the strong thread of the bindings ornately wrapped in gold leaf. Small busts of great authors adorned the alcoves throughout the room. The ceiling was opened to the floor above with circular stairs winding to the landing above. Elizabeth could make out a number of her favorite works from years past, but joining them were many other works by the same and other authors that she had only heard the names of before. One area of the library appeared to deal with geography as there were a number of maps of different shapes and sizes displayed, along with a large globe of the world mounted in a manner that it spun on it's axis at the tweak of a finger. Another dealt with music and contained numerous selections that Elizabeth was sure that Georgiana must use in her practice.

Elizabeth turned to say something to Darcy when she noticed him speaking with her Uncle. He reported that the collection had been started by one of Darcy's ancestors and had been continued and expanded through many generations thereafter. The memory of Darcy as he had pointed out certain volumes was brought afresh into Elizabeth mind as she gazed out her small bedroom window. She could still remember the expression of pride on Darcy's countenance as he discussed the contents of the shelves with her Uncle Gardiner. Mr. Gardiner had taken an avid interest after discovering several rare volumes on English Law. Elizabeth also remembered the feelings of surprise and joy she felt as she heard Darcy insist with a pleasant firmness that Mr. Gardiner was welcome to borrow the treasured tomes to peruse at his leisure. At first her uncle had hesitated, fearful that some untoward event might damage the priceless works. Darcy had insisted in such a kindly and generous manner that Elizabeth's heart had much softened to him for the pleasure that he was affording to her dear relative. Further, Darcy had assured her uncle that he could retain the volumes as long as desired and they then could be returned by way of Darcy's townhouse in London. Mr. Gardiner had at last accepted and expressed his sincere appreciation for the valued opportunity that had been afforded him.

Elizabeth sighed, "Ah, ...to be standing by his side at this very moment. Would that I was able to touch his hand, to hear his gentle voice speak my name. That would be remedy enough for such a day as this." Suddenly she recalled the events of that morning. She had arisen, rested from a good nights rest and had been hurrying down the stairs to speak with Hill when her father had caught her unawares and called her to his library. Upon entering and closing the door behind her she was startled and to some degree humiliated by the object of her father's interest. It had been a letter from Mr. Collins. And such a letter it proved to be. Therein he had written profusely to express his happiness over Jane's good fortune in attaching herself to Mr. Bingley. Mr. Collins had also expressed shock and some aggravation over the Bennet family's acceptance of their wayward daughter, Lydia, into their home after so brief a time after her recent infamous disgrace. Full forgiveness was to be offered to the offending daughter, according to Mr. Collins, however the degraded party should have been banished for all time from the presence of her parents.

But this was not the cause of the chief wound that Elizabeth had received from Mr. Collins's letter. No, he had continued by way of wishing to warn Elizabeth off from entertaining any thought of an alliance with his most condescending sponsor, Lady Catherine. Mr. Bennet had thought it a good joke that her cousin had ever entertained a thought that Lizzy and Darcy might in some way be soon made one. He laughed and joked at Elizabeth, who suffered all in silence. Oft times having to bite her tongue to maintain her composure, as Mr. Bennet spoke ill of her heart's treasure. Lizzy held forth a mask to her father to conceal her true state. Had he known of the injury each word he spoke caused his favorite, he would have thought the better of it and kept the letter to himself. Embarrassed and near tears, Elizabeth had at last escaped and sought the solace of solitude by grabbing her cloak and parasol, leaving word that she was going out for a long stroll.

As she ventured along long familiar paths, she often had occasion to come to places that now took on an association of her times with Darcy. Over there she saw the small rise where she had first beheld Darcy, riding his courser, leaving Bingley far behind as they charged headlong across the meadow. And now she came by the little path that she had used that first day going to Netherfield when she had gotten her skirts muddy. All now were vacant and lonely. The first chills of winter were soon to come, but now held still in the musty Fall breeze.

A soft tapping on her door awakened Elizabeth from her reverie. She turned and called out." Yes. Who is it?"

"It is I," her sister Jane replied from without. "May I enter, sister?"

"Yes, Jane. You are most welcome."

When Jane entered she followed Elizabeth over to the bed where they seated themselves. "Dearest sister, I have been missing our nightly times together. I fear that I have been so occupied with Charles of late, that I have quite forgot myself. I just noticed the light from under your door and thought that you might still be awake. Now tell me, sister, ...Just now, before I entered, of what were you thinking..?"

Elizabeth studied Jane's face closely trying to find therein whether she might have some suspicions of the truth. But Jane's countenance remained calm and serene exhibiting no trace of concealment. Lizzy paused and then replied, "Oh, it is nothing. I was just thinking of how things will change here at Longbourn. Our family seems to be breaking up. Lydia is now gone to the North, and you are soon to leave for Netherfield. This is the only life we have known. I, too, will dearly miss our time shared every evening. When you have gone to your new home that will leave only two sisters at home, neither one having much sense, and then there is mother..." Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Posh, Lizzy. ...You will be fine. Papa is still here and I know how very much you love to talk to him. Surely you will not be too lonely. And then, of course, if you should dare to risk getting your skirts dirty from time to time you will find yourself welcome at any time in my new home," Jane smiled.

Elizabeth threw her a glance and then broke out in a small laugh. "I certainly shall, but only if you promise to speak to your new sister, Caroline, lest she take too much offense at my wardrobe."

"Silly girl. But then I shall be sure that Charles put her on notice that she is not to speak poorly of my sister, at least not in my presence, nor yours."

"Oh, pay it little mind, Jane. Miss Bingley's words can never cause me pain again. I am now over that."

"Ah! ...And how is that so? ... How is it come about that my dear sister has grown up so?"

"Why Jane. Whatever do you mean?"

Jane studied Lizzy's face for a moment. "Now Elizabeth Bennet. I know you full too well. You are now hiding something from me. ...Come, you must share all."

"No, Jane. It is just that I am becoming better acquainted with myself and the world. I now see things more clearly than ever I did before. I once took great pleasure in myself, certain of my understanding of people and their ways. In recent times I have come to reflect on my own childish pride and how it blinded me to the truth. What I had once found as silly and ridiculous in others, now presents itself in a new light. During my visit with Charlotte my eyes were opened as n'er before. I now sincerely regret many a saucy comment I once have made. People are never as shallow as I once perceived.

"...and then, later, in the North country with Aunt Gardiner... Oh, Jane! You must come to Derbyshire sometime... The hills and peaks of that country are by far the most pleasing that I have ever seen. I could wish that I might have remained there my whole life..." her voice trailed off, her mind lost in some other place.

Jane somehow sensed that she should not pursue the subject at length. There were certain things that she now suspected about her sister that she felt must remain unspoken between them for the present. Certain comments by her own fianc»e about that time at Pemberley, and what he had observed between his friend and her sister. Elizabeth had discussed the subject only on one other occasion since her return from that tragically interrupted holiday. And then only to discuss some of the fine homes that the trio had visited. Jane's suspicions must be kept to herself until she was more certain of herself. She, herself, had attempted to ascertain whether Mr. Darcy might return to the neighborhood soon, but all that Charles knew was that Darcy had promised to return from his business in London from around two or possibly three weeks. He knew not exactly the business that has caused his departure, but was comfortable that he would most certainly return by the date of their wedding. Jane longed to have a time when she might observe both her sister and Mr. Darcy whenever they might be together again to see if there might be something to the private thoughts that she and Charles had shared about the pair.

Jane soon changed the course of the dialogue by telling Elizabeth of all of the local friends that she and Charles had visited in his chaise, and how comfortable and protected she felt whenever she was near him. She reported that Charles would again be arriving very early the following morning, as they had planned to take a long ride around the countryside. It seems that even the highly agreeable nature of Mr. Bingley had reached a saturation point with regards to Mrs. Bennet, and he longed to be away as early as possible.

Elizabeth shared in Jane's happiness, but at last she shooed her along, warning her lest she oversleep the following morning, and one of her other sisters be substituted for the pleasant carriage ride with a handsome young gentleman. After Jane had gone Elizabeth's thoughts once again turned to Darcy. Momentarily she felt a flash of fear that his aunt's arguments might even now prevail on him at his weakest side and somehow he would see some merit in her words and give Elizabeth over in favor of his duty, family, and station in life.

"Oh... if he should, ...then I will give him up without regret... but..."

But then, nearly as quickly as the thought had come, another still small voice spoke to her soul. "...he loves you too much. Have faith, be patient..."

Elizabeth was content. Peaceful dreams again gave her rest this night.

Night 9

sorry for the delay in posting. We moved to a new home and I've been too busy packing/unpacking to have any time to write. Hope this makes up for it.}

It had been a rather quiet day for Elizabeth and the Bennet family. Charles and Jane had left rather early on their tour of the countryside. Mary and Kitty worked with Mrs. Bennet on the wedding plans, while Mr. Bennet still sought solace in his library from the recent invasions of lace and other finery into his normally routine existence. No matter how he had struggled the estate accounts would not yield over any but the most meager amounts. He lamented his dreary lot in life that he felt had now sunk him into a staggering amount of debt to his brother-in-law.

Elizabeth had stopped by during the course of the afternoon and he had bewailed their now reduced fortunes by way of Lydia's infamy. Lizzy knew not whereof to comfort her father, as she knew little of the household accounts in particular, and felt even more pained since it was to Elizabeth alone that the full truth had been revealed. She longed to relieve her father's anxiety but knew not a method of taking him into her confidence without sharing more of her newfound relationship with Darcy than was possible for her to make. She tried to reassure him that all would work out for the best and some solution might be devised perhaps that could not at present be foreseen.

At last despairing of a resolution Elizabeth had retreated to the outdoors where fresh air and solitude were her minds best companions. Soon she found herself seated in the tree swing that had long been a favorite of the Bennet girls. The gentle swoosh of her skirts as she swung back and forth brought back a renewed spirit of playfulness to her spirits. For many weeks now her soul had been troubled with worries over first one thing, and then another. The business with Lydia had torn her from Pemberley just when she had felt that she was on the brink of a new understanding. The hectic long return home from Derbyshire to the unsettled and overly emotionally exhibitions of her mother. Then followed days of worry as their father was in London and his final return in defeat, being unable to locate Lydia.

Elizabeth recalled the near miraculous news of Lydia's discovery and later marriage. This was shortly followed by the utter lack of shame displayed by Lydia and Wickham during their return visit to Longbourn for all of the grief and turmoil that they had caused. Then had come Lydia's slip of the tongue that had been the instigator of Elizabeth's discovery of the events surrounding their marriage. Elizabeth wondered at the twists and turns of the events that had come into her life over the preceding year. Laughing at the folly of it all she could see how each and every character had worked against themselves and their own best interests. She longed to share her insights with someone and resolved that she would take great enjoyment in taking her aunts words to heart and take whatever time necessary to teach the Master of Pemberley how to truly laugh. And then not only at others, but at his own self, though she knew that it would be too soon to undertake the task until she was comfortably ensconced at home with him at Pemberley.

Pemberley, the mere thought of that wonderful place now provided a new source of joy. The wonderful park that surrounded the home promised to offer unending opportunities of enjoyment. The pleasant lake in front, the trout stream with its secret pathways. The entire grounds, so well manicured and well equipped with all that nature could offer. There was an enjoyable maze of shrubbery to the east, and then that wonderful flow of soft yellow wildflowers coming down from the little pond where she and Darcy had met that fateful day. For the first time in her life Elizabeth now no longer envisioned taking those long strolls alone. In her minds picture Darcy was always there by her side, sharing remembrances of his own past and creating new memories of their shared times together.

"Why Elizabeth, you surprise me. I have not seen you take enjoyment in our swing for a very long time," Kitty cried as she had interrupted Elizabeth's train of thought. "I got overly tired listening to mother while we worked on the new dresses for the wedding. I thought that I should never have escaped, but fortunately mother has gone off to check with father on how much allowance his is to provide."

"It is true," Elizabeth replied. "It has been a very long time since I have taken enjoyment here. But with all of the goings on inside, I thought that this place could offer some comfort. What with Lydia now gone off with her new husband, and Jane soon to follow I thought to enjoy one of the places that we had formerly spent a lot of time."

"Elizabeth...," Kitty had began, unsure of how to phrase her thoughts. "I too have been thinking of late how very much our small family has changed. Whenever Lydia was here I never failed for entertainment and enjoyment. We would daily engage in activities here or at Meryton that provided constant sources of distraction and merriment. I never felt any fear or shyness whenever we would entertain here at Longbourn or at Aunt Phillips' visiting with all of the officers. But now things seem to have changed so much. I find that I am hesitant to run to town alone, as I do not possess so much bravery as Lydia and have never felt strongly enough about any of the officers in particular to entertain any thoughts of actually running off with one of them to either Scotland or London. Even though I never did see what was so very wrong in Lydia's doing so..."

"Kitty," Elizabeth interrupted. "You must not say or even think such things. You are still much too young to know enough of the world to understand the fate of those unfortunate young ladies who get taken in by young officers and other men of their kind. I do know that there are many men in the world who seek to use young ladies for their own needs with no thought of what their actions will cause. Very often young ladies such as you and I get taken in very easily by appearances. I can only use my own self as an example, if you will but listen."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Kitty answered.

"Kitty, I am going to reveal to you some of what I know of Mr. Wickham and how sorely he has abused our family with his deceitful words. But first you must promise never to reveal anything that I say to any other soul."

"I promise."

"Well then..." Elizabeth continued, "Do you remember that time when we had first met Mr. Wickham? We were in town and he had just been introduced to ourselves and our cousin Mr. Collins. Just at that very moment Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy were passing by. Upon the discovery of Mr. Wickham's presence in town Mr. Darcy had turned and left our group with great haste. It was shortly after this that Mr. Wickham inquired about Mr. Darcy and reported to me that that person had done him a great wrong. He assured me directly that Mr. Darcy's father had promised him a living and the son had withheld that after the father's death. All that I had know of Mr. Darcy to that time had been derived from my brief acquaintance with him and what I had perceived as his haughty attitude toward those people who were beneath him. Thus, it was easily within my own beliefs that such a thing could be attributed to Mr. Darcy without the need of my own inquiry into the truth of the matter. I believed all to be true and only later discovered that the truth had been exactly the opposite. Mr. Wickham had actually renounced his desire for the living and sought and received a specified amount in its stead. All of those things that he had informed me of, and those tales that he told to us during his visits to our home proved to be untrue.

"I also discovered that Mr. Wickham has always been the type of man who seeks to gain his fortune by attaching himself to young ladies with substantial monies to inherit. Do you not remember his chasing off after Mary King? She had been in town and was reported to gain a fortune of 10,000 pounds at her grandfather's death. Shortly thereafter Wickham, who paid her not the least bit of attention before, had run off after her until an uncle had intervened and separated them. I have also heard of other young ladies he became involved with while at school and even later. My own mortification at the discovery of these things cannot have been more complete. It has been reported to me by our Aunt Gardiner that when Wickham and Lydia were first discovered in London, Mr. Wickham reported that he had not the least intention of marrying our poor sister. It was only through the intervention from outside that Wickham was at last paid off enough money to obtain his consent."

"Yes, Elizabeth. I do remember those things now. And though our family is not rich cannot father repay our dear uncle?"

"I believe that that is without question beyond any means that we now possess to be able to repay this debt. The sum is by far greater than the value of all that we now own or could ever hope to attain. But this is still not the main issue that I am trying to describe. The total value of that debt is now of little merit. What I am trying to convey is that even before this event, none of us Bennet girls had little else to offer beyond our own charms that any man could value. We stand to inherit no great estate, no wealth or fancy title that would attract men of great fortune. In order for any of us to find what we desire in life it must be gained by our own displays of good character, whatever talents and skills we can obtain and we must trust to our own hearts to select that which is for our own best interest. I fear that Lydia will soon grow to regret the choices that she has made. I think that in the coming years Wickham will not change his habits and will gamble and loose whatever monies he gained from the marriage and in the end Lydia will not find true happiness by his side. She will loose the bloom of her youth and will find little solace from her husband."

'But if what you say is true, then how am I ever likely to shift for myself in this life. I have not the talents of you and Jane or even Mary on the piano. I do sew quite well, but have no other talent as far as drawing or the like to make myself useful. I feel that I have an engaging spirit and enjoy so much my past discourse with the officers. I felt full able to enjoy dancing and playing at cards whenever Lydia and I were together," Kitty lamented.

"You do have merit, Kitty," Elizabeth reassured. "It is only that you must try not to throw your life away on the first man that smiles on you. Try to look deeper into his heart to find those things that will show him to be worthy of your own love."

"And what about you, Lizzy? Why is it that you have not found such a man for yourself?"

"...Such a man? Yes, Kitty. That is full reward in itself. To know in your heart that you have found he who loves you best. To find just such a man who would do anything for you, to prove his love through all of his deeds and actions. To find him who would sacrifice greatly of himself for you and all that you love to prove worthy. When you have found 'such a man' the truth will reveal it to you. To find a man who is kind, gentle and caring for all. He will have strength of purpose and goodness that will fill your soul to overflowing. When you find such a man your life will be complete."

Kitty listened quietly. Life at Longbourn was now much lonelier for remaining sisters. Kitty had spent nearly all of her time with Lydia and actually knew very little of her older sisters. Jane and Elizabeth had always spent much of their time together and Mary had stood apart from the rest, engrossed in her readings and practicing. From somewhere within Kitty could sense that there must come a time in the not distant future when Elizabeth, too, would probably marry and depart from Longbourn. How then should she ever find her way with no one left to help?

Elizabeth pondered on her sister that evening. She hoped that whatever she had said would prove to be of some little value to her Kitty in the future. And for her own future ..."What there? If he does come for me am I ready to receive him. What do I say to encourage him? He is always so stern and reserved. I know that he will have trouble in forming the correct things to say. I was so severe on him when he last spoke to me on this that he may not know how to begin. He may hesitate for fear of my reproach and we may loose whatever opportunity may present itself. I Must not let that happen. If needs be it must be I who opens the door. I must thank him on behalf of our family for all that he has done, but do it in such a manner as to offer him no embarrassment. To reassure him that it is I alone who knows the full truth. In some manner I must demonstrate that I am happy to hear him and that I welcome his company. That all from the past is now forgotten."

As Elizabeth lay on her pillow that night her final thoughts were of another time when his words had come from his heart... "You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." Oh, to hear those words spoken again. She knew now that her answer would be so different and the gladness that now filled her heart made her sigh. Her mind drew up pictures of how it would be, how he might turn to her and in his gentle, loving way take her hand in his and press it to his lips. How they might walk together arm in arm content. She now envisioned a time in her future where all thought of the troubles of the past were gone and a new bond of love and understanding forged a new togetherness. From somewhere in the back of her mind a thought came forward that tomorrow would be the day. The dawn of a new day would bring Elizabeth all of the answers that she sought. 'Yes, tomorrow Darcy will return. I am certain of it.'

Night 10

Elizabeth stood for a long time gazing out her bedroom window. The inner joy of her soul could be seen reflected on her countenance as one smile after another would quickly be supplanted by a joyous laugh. 'Though her eyes remained open much of the time they seemed to be looking at something or someone not present. Occasionally her arms seemed to reach out to encircle some presence just above her. Her lips seemed to press against another's in a phantom kiss. She twirled around and around as if in concert with some unheard music.

The events of the day swept 'round and 'round in her mind as if she were witness to some fantastically joyful staged story. All of the weariness of the past weeks was swept away amid the newborn feelings of happiness and shared commitment that had transpired during the previous twenty-four hours. Uncertainty and loneliness were now banished forever replaced by love and expectation. Her heart seemed to overflow with emotions as she remembered the events of the day and realized that all of her hopes and dreams had been fulfilled beyond even her wildest dreams.

Early that morning the five Bennet sisters along with Mrs. Bennet had been seated in the drawing room, each occupied with various tasks of sewing or decorations for Jane's upcoming wedding when there had been a gentle knock at the door and Hill had entered to announce the presence of not only the expected visitor Mr. Bingley, but also his friend Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth, though not totally surprised by the appearance of her beloved, still felt a shock run through her body as if it were preparing itself for some unknown and little understood change. 'Though she could suddenly feel her hands begin to tremble and a blush begin to burn her cheeks she look upward toward the source of this new agony and sought out those dark orbs wherein she hoped to read her fate.

What Elizabeth found there was more than enough to soothe her restless spirit. Darcy's eyes reflected a deep abiding love. That same love that she had seen at Hunsford on the day of his first proposal, and only now had she been able to recognize that it had been there all along, burning from deep within him for those many months. The tension in her body suddenly was released, no longer would she suffer any doubts, her future life and happiness was assured. As her eyes met his she released herself to him, returning all of the love that she felt from deep within. Darcy would be her future husband; she would be his wife. There remained only that mutual expression of commitment to be spoken between them to give birth to the full pledge of their troth to each other. Elizabeth resolved that the morning would not pass without a completion of that task.

Her sisters and mother knew nothing of what transpired in that brief moment of mutual greeting between Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy. Elizabeth had risen graciously to acknowledge the visitors and curtseyed gently to both, though slightly more warmly to her intended, never once did she break off her return of the deep look from behind his dark eyes. Everyone and everything else in the room seemed to disappear and their two minds met and tried to speak to each other across the distance. Elizabeth could only just barely understand that Bingley had suggested that they all take a stroll towards Meryton and she murmured her assent to Mrs. Bennet, at first not clearly understanding that they were to be accompanied by her sister Kitty.

As Elizabeth and Kitty retrieved their walking cloaks and shoes, Elizabeth had suggested to Kitty in private that she wished to have a few moments alone with Mr. Darcy to discuss some matters relating to family business. She had further requested that perhaps Kitty would have an opportunity to visit with Maria Lucas as they would be passing by the Lucas estate on their stroll and that would be a good opportunity for allowing Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy to have their time together. Kitty had agreed to the plan and the two sisters had returned downstairs eager to be off as the morning was very pleasant.

With all of the elements of her plan now firmly in place, Elizabeth approached Darcy and returned his low bow with a gentle smile. Darcy held out his arm for her and she placed her arm in his in what she soon found to be the most comfortable of positions. She soon found that his arm offered just the right amount of gentle but firm support that she needed for walking up and down stairs. As she reflected on that matter this evening she wondered to herself how she had ever done without such a support in the past as she could feel his strength passing to her whenever it was required. The quintet of Bingley and Jane, Darcy and Elizabeth with Kitty tagging behind had soon passed out of the house and grounds of Longbourn. Bingley and Jane seemed to have developed some need for speed as they soon outpaced the remaining trio and left a goodly space between. Elizabeth had cried out in good humor to Darcy remarking that she had rarely seen Jane display such speed of step and dexterity of movement as the departing duo ahead seemed to glide over all obstacles in their path.

Darcy had seemed somewhat withdrawn in thought and Elizabeth could see some inner turmoil reflected in his face as she glanced from beneath her bonnet trying to find a means of relaying her wishes without having to speak them out loud. The path to Lucas Lodge was just ahead and she did not want anything to be broached until Kitty had had her opportunity to take leave. Once that was accomplished Elizabeth had determined to break the long silence between them herself. She knew that she had been the one who had cut off his hopes before and that there must be no mistakes in revealing herself to him now. Somehow she must open her innermost self to him and demonstrate to him that she had learned the lessons of the previous year well. Her own foolish pride and his awkward approach had kept them from finding happiness sooner and now both must be banished from their presence. Suddenly a moment of fear and anxiety had taken hold of Elizabeth as Kitty had left. Though Elizabeth had often gone over and over what she might say, now that the moment had come she could feel a trembling of her heart. Her hands seemed to be suddenly cold and her mouth became dry as dust.

With a great effort Elizabeth had soon forced her tongue to obey and it was not long before all matters were resolved and explained to their mutual joy. After expressing her thanks to Darcy for his quiet involvement and happy solution to those matters concerning her sister Lydia, the resolution of their own situations had been quickly achieved. Initially both were shy and embarrassed at revealing to each other their own heart's innermost secrets. Elizabeth quickly reassured Darcy that whatever she might have said to him during the events at Hunsford were now to be forgotten. Elizabeth's feelings and sentiments were now held entirely in his favour, in fact she would accept no other man in his place. She relayed all that he had come to mean to her and that she now viewed him as the only man in the world whom she could ever love.

Darcy in his own turn had assured Elizabeth of his own constant and abiding feelings for her and spoke of those earlier times with some sense of humor and shame. He realized what a fool he had been at certain times in saying things that he did not mean, and in not saying those things that should have been said. While Darcy had yet to learn the ability to laugh at himself, he had begun to see the absurdity of some of the things that he had formerly believed and spoken.

As the night deepened Elizabeth slowly looked about the room around her. She knew each and every nook and cranny, every scratch on the walls, every board that creaked in the floor in her favorite retreat. What she beheld now, however, was viewed with a certain mixture of sadness and joy. Slowly she had begun to realize that she was now looking at her room for what would soon be one of the last times. No longer would she sleep in her favorite bed amid its cool and enticing sheets. No longer search her closets for her favorite frocks. The life that she had always known here would soon be only a fading memory. The treasured times alone with her father as they shared some mutual joke about a foolish neighbors mishap would become only fond memories. No longer would she experience those shared times with Jane at night, laughing together at some silly thing or of one sister's frolic or something their mother had done during the previous day. What new delights and excitements lay ahead of her she knew not. The only certainty that she now held on to was her love for Darcy, all else was of little merit.

As Elizabeth sat at her dresser she took up her one of her treasured brushes and began to slowly stoke her curls. As Elizabeth gazed into the mirror she could see questions on the face of the young lady staring back at her. "What does the future hold for me? --Will I be everything that he expects? --How will my family react to the news? -- Will Papa feel that I am marrying him for his money? --How can I break the news to Mama so that she does not create a scene? -- How will his household staff at Pemberley and in London receive me? --How is it that I can deserve such happiness? -- Will we have children, and if so how many would he want? --Can I ever live up to being all that I should be as his wife? What are his favorite things to do? -- How can I show him how very much that he means to me?"

Rising quickly, determined to throw off all such questions as unanswerable for the time being she now turned her mind to what must transpire on the 'morrow. Darcy and Bingley would arrive early, of that she was sure, and she was also certain that Bingley would devise a means to get the four of them happily out of the house without an escort. The day ahead held out great promise for further shared time with her love, but also presented the problems of somehow making her situation known to her family. Arrangements had to be accomplished to allow time for her fiance to meet with Mr. Bennet to make a formal request for Elizabeth's hand. Elizabeth worried mightily as to how her father would receive the news as she did not wish to injure or cause him unnecessary concern. Then she turned her mind to the unenviable task of informing her mother. Here was something that must be done by Elizabeth alone. She must seek out a time when her mother would be alone and out of hearing of the remainder of the family. Although she suspected that her father would present some objections to the marriage that would require Elizabeth to reveal her true feelings to him for the first time in order to overcome his objections, she knew not the reaction of her mother. But of one thing she was most certain -- whether Mrs. Bennet would receive the news with gladness or anger, Elizabeth did not wish for any other member of the family to witness the event.

Earlier in the evening when she had informed Jane of her happy news she was taken slightly aback at the amount of convincing that it had taken to overcome Jane's own surprise. "If my own dearest sister can have reacted so, how much more will mother, who knows or suspects nothing, prove how much my own words and actions in the past towards Darcy have colored how the rest of my family must feel? But no matter what transpires, I am determined to show that I love him and that he loves me and we will be happy together. He is just that sort of man who fulfills all that I should ever want in life. Surely Mama will see that in the end. Darcy is so very much more to my nature than that odious Mr. Collins, but I am not sure that even all of his great wealth and estates will overcome mother's great dislike of him."

Elizabeth tried to remember all of the things that she and Darcy had spoken of during their long walk. Each word from his lips seemed to serve as a balm to brighten her spirits. It no longer mattered how her family would react, she knew that Darcy would still love her. But still, she wanted to show him that there was 'some' respectability to be found among her close kin. Though her mother was probably beyond hope, at least her father and other two sisters, silly as they may be at times, still were a close part of her life and would always so remain. She knew that one can always choose ones friends but family is family and must be either endured or enjoyed. After marriage she would be removed to Pemberley and Darcy would only have to suffer the ignominy of her relations on such brief occasions as might be required. After the pleasures of the coming morning to be spent alone in the company of her beloved, the business of broadcasting abroad the newly formed couples intentions would commence after the evening dinner. Mr. Bennet would retire to his library, as usual, where Darcy would have an opportunity to meet with him alone, out of sight and hearing of Mrs. Bennet. Once those two matters were accomplished there remained few other concerns that would trouble the happy couple in the days and weeks ahead. The inhabitants of Meryton would quickly be apprised of the impending event and whatever tongues would waggle could not be prevented. Elizabeth was happy with her chosen partner in life and would soon be far away from the people whom she had known all of her life.

Life was full of new possibilities for the second daughter of the Bennet clan. No matter what had happened in the past, or what lay ahead of the young couple, Elizabeth knew that their love would hold them on true course. As she now lay on her bed watching the stars through her window much of what had only been dimly seen before began to take on clear shapes. Her life would be a happy one, she would want for nothing of a material nature, that was clear. But clearer still was the knowledge that in Darcy she had found that deep and abiding love that we all seek for but few couples really find. Hers was to be a marriage based on love and mutual understanding. The long series of struggles and missteps over the past eighteen months had served to forge a bond of trust and solid love between the couple as is rarely achieved. "Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy," she cried aloud. "How wonderful that sounds to my ears."

Not far away there was another soul who lay on his bed gazing out at the same stars. "Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy," he cried aloud. "How wonderful that sounds to my ears."

FINIS

p.s.: I hope that you enjoyed this as much as I did in the imagining.

© 2001 Copyright held by author