Mr.Woodhouse’s Advyce On the sad occasion of the retreat of the Ladies of the Republic of Pemberley to a seaside resort in Washington - July 2001 Play the Song!   (To the tune of "Greensleeves") Alas, dear ladies, I fear you ’re wrong To go to the seaside of Washington The ocean ’s evils bring chills and draughts And young ladies are delicate plants! I ’m shocked and grieved by this travelling abroad Protect your throats and wear your shawls Stay close to the hearth and don ’t think twice About heeding dear Perry ’s advyce. Eat gruel,gruel! Serve hot or cool Must be thin is the only rule Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice For every constitution Alas, dear ladies, it grieves me much To think of you singing and dancing and such Avoid open windows and inns without fail And don ’t stay up late or you ’ll ail. Outside the shrubbery gipsies roam Avoid evening dews and stay close to home Keep stockings dry,don ’t dine out-of-doors There ’s unhealthy air at the seashore! And eat gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool Must be thin is the only rule Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice For every constitution Let Serle do the cooking,Serle knows an egg She ’ll boil it softly and fry pork steak And pray take an apple,but do bake it thrice (But custard is not very nice!) Malt liquor ’s unwholesome, I don ’t quite approve It ’ll make you bilious, rather than soothe In a tumbler of water, put a thimble of wine That ’ll give you a wholesome good time. And eat gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool Must be thin is the only rule Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice For every constitution Gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool Must be thin is the only rule Gruel, gruel for a softer stool You ’ll thank me in the morning Alas, dear ladies, I fear you ’re wrong To go to the seaside of Washington. Executive Producer: Woodhouse Defense League. Produced by the Highbury Musical Society (Miss Emma Woodhouse, Chairwoman; Mrs.Augusta Elton, Musical Director) Engineered by Mr.George Knightley, Donwell Abbey Studios Pianoforte performed (very elegantly, indeed) by Miss Jane Fairfax Lute performed by Mr. Frank Churchill (hastily, as he was off to London to have his hair cut) Lyrics written by Mr. Henry Woodhouse, in consultation with Mr.Perry, Apothecary Lyrics performed by Mr. Henry Woodhouse (recorded near the hearth – but not too near – at Hartfield)) Special thanks to: Miss Hetty Bates for her seemingly tireless praise, Miss Harriet Smith for her unstinting support of our Chairwoman, Mr. Philip Elton for his prayers and good wishes, and his cara sposa for the sandwiches.   Music performed and recorded by Robert Samuel Lyrics written by Deborah Jane, sung by Robert Samuel © 2001 Robert Samuel    back to Woodhouse Defense League home