Mr.Woodhouse’s Advyce

On the sad occasion of the retreat of the Ladies of
the Republic of Pemberley to a seaside resort in
Washington - July 2001



Play the Song!

 

(To the tune of "Greensleeves")

Alas, dear ladies, I fear you ’re wrong
To go to the seaside of Washington
The ocean ’s evils bring chills and draughts
And young ladies are delicate plants!


I ’m shocked and grieved by this travelling abroad
Protect your throats and wear your shawls
Stay close to the hearth and don ’t think twice
About heeding dear Perry ’s advyce.

Eat gruel,gruel! Serve hot or cool
Must be thin is the only rule
Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice
For every constitution

Alas, dear ladies, it grieves me much
To think of you singing and dancing and such
Avoid open windows and inns without fail
And don ’t stay up late or you ’ll ail.

Outside the shrubbery gipsies roam
Avoid evening dews and stay close to home
Keep stockings dry,don ’t dine out-of-doors
There ’s unhealthy air at the seashore!

And eat gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool
Must be thin is the only rule
Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice
For every constitution

Let Serle do the cooking,Serle knows an egg
She ’ll boil it softly and fry pork steak
And pray take an apple,but do bake it thrice
(But custard is not very nice!)

Malt liquor ’s unwholesome, I don ’t quite approve
It ’ll make you bilious, rather than soothe
In a tumbler of water, put a thimble of wine
That ’ll give you a wholesome good time.

And eat gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool
Must be thin is the only rule
Gruel, gruel is the wholesome choice
For every constitution

Gruel, gruel! Serve hot or cool
Must be thin is the only rule
Gruel, gruel for a softer stool
You ’ll thank me in the morning

Alas, dear ladies, I fear you ’re wrong
To go to the seaside of Washington.

Executive Producer: Woodhouse Defense
League.


Produced by the Highbury Musical
Society (Miss Emma Woodhouse,
Chairwoman; Mrs.Augusta Elton,
Musical Director)


Engineered by Mr.George Knightley,
Donwell Abbey Studios


Pianoforte performed (very elegantly,
indeed) by Miss Jane Fairfax


Lute performed by Mr. Frank Churchill
(hastily, as he was off to London to have
his hair cut)


Lyrics written by Mr. Henry Woodhouse,
in consultation with Mr.Perry, Apothecary

Lyrics performed by Mr. Henry Woodhouse
(recorded near the hearth – but not too near
– at Hartfield))

Special thanks to: Miss Hetty Bates for her
seemingly tireless praise, Miss Harriet
Smith for her unstinting support of our
Chairwoman, Mr. Philip Elton for his
prayers and good wishes, and his cara sposa
for the sandwiches.

 

Music performed and recorded by Robert Samuel
Lyrics written by Deborah Jane, sung by Robert Samuel

© 2001 Robert Samuel

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