Posted by Bill on June 06, 1997 at 12:00:27:

My younger sister has asked me to say a few words at her wedding reception in about a week, so naturally I've been surfing the net in search of inspiration. Found some quotes that some may find amusing:

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
- Jane Austen

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.
- Mary Buckley

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
- Borge

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
- Robert Graves

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in
the house.
- Jean Kerr

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
- Shirley MacLaine

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited over nothing - and then they marry him.
- Cher

Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Miscellaneous one-liners:
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But he finally decided to let her go.

They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Does anyone have any other suggestions? Merci. :-)