Yes, I do
Posted by Mark on October 27, 1997 at 10:31:38:
In response to I did not mean..., written by Shannon on October 23, 1997 at 23:16:26
] ] Trust me on this one. Rule #1 with any couple going into marriage is: NEVER expect the other one to change!! Marriage is not a spousal improvement project. This is the main reason there are so many women (and men, for that matter) who are trapped in abusive marriages. They just know that their love for the other will eventually turn things around.
] ] This does happen sometimes, I will admit. But in the vast majority of cases, it doesn't. You should be grateful for every improvement in your spouse, but you should look upon these as bonuses, not expectations.
] ] Mark
] Please, do bare with me, for I am no more than 15 and am realitively new at great English Literature. But I will attempt to let you know what I mean by all this. I do understand that one should not marry a person just to change them. You should marry someone you love, someone you would not ever want to change. I did not mean to imply that Marianne wanted to change Willoughby or vice versa. But what I meant when I said something about someone wanting to change, I meant Willoughby wanted to go back and erase all of his horrible mistakes(his relations with Beth, drinking gambling, his debts, etc.) so he could have been good enough for Marianne. I hope you know what I meant now.
] Shannon
Yes Shannon, I do. But my original advice still stands. Never expect the other spouse to change. If your future spouse talks to you about his reformation after marriage, whatever you do, don't accept it. Let him reform before, not after. I have seen far too many couples where the man promises reform in order to marry. I truely believe that in most cases, the man is sincere and is intending to change. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. If the Woman agrees to the marriage before he reforms, the Man almost invariably returns to his old ways. It leaves the woman in constant heartache.
Old habits die very hard, Shannon. Marianne must be prepared to live with Willoughby, AS IS. If she cannot, then it would be best to remain separate.
Mark
Posting followups to old messages is disabled; instead go to the main index and post a new message which mentions this one.
