A note: I'm uncomfortable with the notion that I "own" this little exercise somehow. For one thing, I can't claim copyright, as I didn't write the film script! For another thing, I envisioned this as being something fluid, always evolving, and customizable for each person's enjoyment. I consider it as "belonging" to anyone who enjoys P2 and who has fun watching it. This script was written with a great deal of affection and is meant strictly for fun. Feel free to take it and add, delete, make it your own! And feedback is always appreciated! ~ Mags

You'll need:
• Lots and lots of tea
  
• Marzipan, or bonbons if you prefer
  
• Papers to fling
  
• Paper to make boat
  
• Shiny knife
  
• Water pistols
  
• Signs with scores written on them for Louisa's swan dive
  
• Heart-shaped cookies (optional)

Say along with anything in quotes (parentheses are cues)
Slurp tea whenever anyone drinks it
Shoot water pistols during "rain" scenes

1. With rowers: "Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!"
2. Bleat with sheep
3. Yell with tradesmen: "Mr. Shepherd! These bills are most pressing!" etc.
4. When the Admiral is inspecting, yell "Admiral on Deck!"
5. "To the Admiral" (slurp tea, or whatever you've got)
6. Snort with Sir Walter when he tells his story about Admiral Baldwin
7. Eat bonbons with Elizabeth
8. (We were not all born to be) (hiss) "HANDSOME!"
9. (With Elizabeth) "Retrench!"
10. (With mouth full of candy) "Anne? Why?"
11. "Journey, London, Servants, Table!"
12. Fling papers with Elizabeth
13. (Sorbet in September!) "How delightful!"
14. Audibly draw in breath as Sir Walter says, "I am for--"
15. Release it after, "--Bath!"
16. (The texture and color of this) "Macarooooooon!"
17. Whisper "Wentworth."
18. Hiss "The sailor!"
19. Seductively munch on heart-shaped cookie with Mrs. Clay
20. When Elizabeth says, "And since no one will want you in Bath," sing Wicked Witch of the West music
21. After Sir Walter says, "I declare, he is the best-looking sailor I have ever met," and the camera focuses on Anne, say "He's not the best-looking sailor I have ever met!"
22. Inspect oneself in shiny knife, fix hair if necessary
23. "It is the Elliot way."
24. Yell at Mrs. Clay: "Get in the carriage already!"
25. Do royal wave with Elizabeth and Sir Walter as they drive away.
26. BIG SIGH as Anne takes the letter out of the Navy List.
27. Slurp tea with Lady Russell
28. "Do not talk of it! We shall not talk of it!"
29. "Hmm." (after Lady Russell says, "Altogether I care little for these Romantics, don't you?")
30. Oink with pigs in cart, quack with duck, etc.
31. Bounce up and down along with poor Anne in the pig cart
32. Bleat with sheep
33. When you spot Mary in the window, yell, "Quick! Lie down, Mary!"
34. "I am so ill I can hardly speak!"
35. "Dear me!"
36. When Anne says, "I thought you must have been obliged to give up the engagement," and Mary realizes that she is not acting very ill, yell "BUSTED!"
37. Make bovine munching noises while Mary is eating
38. "Why, thank you, Mary."
39. "It's a big place, Bath!"
40. Slurp tea with Mrs. Musgrove, Charles, Mary, etc.
41. "It's the cake she cares about!"
42. With Charles: "Oh, Anne!"
43. Clap for Henrietta's harp playing
44. Make seasick noises when the Admiral rocks little Charles and Walter
45. BIG GASP when Mrs. Croft says "He is married!"
46. BIG SIGH of relief when she says, "He has a new curacy at last!"
47. Fold boat with Admiral and the boys--put in on your head if you're so inclined
48. "How interesting."
49. "Hip hip hoorah! Hip hip hoorah! Hip hip hoorah!" (Don't forget to salute!)
50. (To meet…) "Captain Frederick Wentworth!"
51. "Have no fear!"
52. Screech with Mary, quack with ducks, bark with dogs, etc. when little broken Charles is brought home
53. "For you haven't a mother's feelings!"
54. When CW is glimpsed through the window, say, "Ahoy there, matey!"
55. BIG SIGH when Frederick enters
56. When Frederick says, "We have met once," yell "Liar!"
57. When Frederick says, "Forgive me," say, "You're forgiven! You're forgiven!"
58. With beaters, yell "Up up up up up up!"
59. "We ain't savages, Louisa!"
60. (I had no wife) "…in the year '06."
61. Say with Musgrove girls, "The Laconia!"
62. Whoop and clap with Mary while they are dancing.
63. Say "Awwwww" sympathetically when Louisa says, "No, never, she has quite given up dancing."
64. When Henry Hayter stalks out, say "Buh-bye!"
65. Make bovine munching noises while Charles and Mary are eating
66. When Charles says, "Which do you think the most probable, Anne, to marry the Captain?" yell "Me! Me!"
67. When Louisa and Henrietta are talking in the garden, whine "But he likes me better than you!" (since we can't hear them anyway)
68. Roll eyes with Little Charles when Mary insists on going on the Long Walk
69. When Louisa jumps from the stile, yell, "Drop her, Frederick!"
70. Roll eyes with Frederick when Mary says, "I have never been in that house above twice in my life."
71. (Shall we glean some nuts in the hedgerow, Captain?) "Yeah, I got some nuts for you, baby!"
72. "No, I will NOT be damp."
73. Furrow brow like Frederick when Louisa tells him that Anne refused Charles' proposal, say "HMMMMM"
74. Whisper with Frederick, "Take Anne!"
75. BIG SIGH when Frederick helps Anne into the gig
76. "Is it a love letter, Frederick?"
77. Slurp tea with everybody in front of the fire
78. "I do not like the sea."
79. When they are standing by the beach: "Watch out for the undertow!" "No lifeguard on duty!" "No swimming for a half-hour after you eat!" etc.
80. Cheer for Charles when he skips the rock
81. "Octopus!"
82. Say mockingly with Benwick, "Poetry"
83. "Yes, I have!"
84. Hiss, growl at the first sight of William Walter
85. Wolf whistle, make kissy noises when W.W. stares after Anne in the hallway
86. "Look, kippers for breakfast!"
87. "Mr. Elliot?"
88. Slurp tea jealously with CW
89. "Where's my toast?"
90. Make kissy noises when Benwick says, "I wonder if I might--that is--"
91. Yell "BOOM," "She's dead!" etc. when Louisa hits the pavement
92. Hold up signs indicating the score of her dive, make comments on degree of difficulty
93. When Frederick asks Anne to stay, say, "Yes! I will stay! I will stay!"
94. "Damned foolish! Damned foolish!"
95. Shriek with Mrs. Musgrove, quack with ducks, bark with dogs, etc.
96. "Baaar-na-beeeee!"
97. When Anne is picking out the song on the piano, say, "That sounds familiar!"
98. When Anne goes to the window--water pistols!!!
99. Shiver at the cold white room in Bath
100. Giggle along with Sir Walter's story about the five and thirty frights
101. When Elizabeth says, "I don't know! It might have been!" make meowing noises
102. Make kissy noises when William Walter gives Anne the hairy eyeball
103. "Oh. Farmer's daughter."
104. Make choking noises when Lady Russell drinks yucky Bath water in the Pump Room
105. Hiss when Elizabeth says, "She is nothing to me compared to you."
106. "A Viscountess! She is a Viscountess!"
107. "Family connections are always worth preserving."
108. "And Mrs. Claaaay."
109. Snicker at Mrs. Clay with Miss Carteret
110. (In my heart, I know you) "--intimately." (make retching noises)
111. Make whimpering noises when Sir Walter says, "Lady Dalrymple's invitation is most pressing! Can you not put off this old person 'til tomorrow?"
112. Applaud when Anne tells off her father, yell "You go, girl!" etc.
113. (--her cousin Mr. Elliot thinks very) "HIGHLY" (of her)
114. "And she says, that Colonel Wallis says, that Mr. Elliot says--"
115. BIG GASP when the Admiral tells Anne that Louisa is to marry Benwick
116. When the Admiral says, "Poor Frederick must start over again with someone else," sigh "Poor Frederick!"
117. Water pistols! (scene in Molland's)
118. Make kissy noises when Mrs. Clay says to W.W., "You might show me that parasol you mentioned."
119. Make kissy noises when Elizabeth says to W.W., "Please tell the coachman that we're ready."
120. BIG GASP when Anne spots Frederick outside Molland's
121. BIG GASP when Frederick sees Anne in Molland's
122. Say "Awwww" when Frederick offers Anne his brelly
123. When Frederick enters the Octagon Room, say, "I love a man in uniform!"
124. "He ought not, he does not!"
125. Murmur "Lady Dalrymple! Lady Dalrymple!"
126. Snore with Sir Walter
127. Snicker with Miss Carteret
128. "Irish, I dare say."
129. Make kissy noises when W.W. says, "Must I translate for you?"
130. Yell "Go away!" at W.W. when he tries to keep Anne from stopping Frederick from leaving
131. Sniffle when Frederick says, "There is nothing worth my staying for."
132. "A double wedding!"
133. BIG SIGH when Frederick says, "No, you never were, were you?"
134. BIG GASP when we see Mrs. Clay and W.W. together
135. Make sympathetic noises, say "Poor Frederick!" when he has to talk to Anne at the Pump Room.
136. "Just say it--yes or no."
137. "Lady Russell!"
138. BIG GASP when Nurse Rooke says, "I heard him say that Mr. Elliot requires another loan!"
139. Whisper, "How despicable!"
140. When she leaves Mrs. Smith's, say, "Nice coat!" (Different than the one she went in with)
141. Say, "Whoops!" when Frederick knocks over the blotting powder
142. BIG SIGH when Anne says, "…loving longest when all hope is gone."
143. "Good morning!" (when Mrs. Croft, CW and Captain Harville leave)
144. Go ahead. Recite The Letter along with Frederick and Anne. You have it memorized, you know you do.
145. When she is finished reading, say (from the novel) "Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from."
146. "I hardly know."
147. Say, "Go away, Charles!" when he is chattering on about the gun
148. BIG SIGH when Anne puts her hand in Frederick's
149. When Frederick says, "I tried to forget you. I thought I had," yell "But you didn't!"
150. BIG SIGH at The Kiss
151. BIG SIGH when she runs her hand around his arm
152. Make circus noises, turn cartwheels if you're so inclined
153. When Elizabeth tells Anne not to monopolize CW, say, "Okay," very patronizingly
154. When Mr. Elliot proposes to Anne and she says, "I haven't really had a moment, Mr. Elliot, to turn my mind to it," yell "As if!" talk trash: "Ya got nothin'!" "In your face, Willie!" Make general mocking noises.
155. Boo and hiss when Sir Walter says, "Whatever for?"
156. Make kissy noises when W.W. gives Mrs. Clay the hairy eyeball
157. BIG SIGH when Anne and Frederick sail off into the sunset!

Thanks to all who suggested additions: Tracy Y, Julie P, Owen Benjamin, Mar, Jen K, Cheryl, Kathleen Margaret, and all the other denizens of the Persuasion board for all the kind words!

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