Posted by Hil on September 23, 1997 at 16:35:01:
In response to The language of forgiveness, written by Cheryl on September 23, 1997 at 14:14:19
] ] Sometimes I think the language is at fault. Saying "That's all right" has become syonymous with "You are forgiven"
] I agree wholeheartedly with this Amy. Saying "That's all right" lessens the original offense and can lead the offender to believe that it was really no big deal, what he did wasn't so bad after all.
But it can also be the first step.. sometimes the only one... that enables communication again, and paves the way for real forgiveness. And isn't there a very fine line between forgiveness and just deciding to understand and forget, let go?
] Some of us were speaking of guilt and shame in chat the other week. I put forth the notion that we have lost a great deal of our ability to feel shame and guilt ("it's not my fault") and that we are the lesser for it.
But I've always found too much guilt and shame is paralysing. I think we usually inflict plenty on ourselves...usually a surfeit... without help from other people. Being made to feel ashamed and guilty when you are already feeling that, or have a different perspective on the situation, makes people defensive, and is not useful if you are trying to solve a conflict.
Posting followups to old messages is disabled; instead go to the main index and post a new message which mentions this one.