Their Just Deserts

Part 1

It was a solemn Friday when the heads of the College of Divinity met at Cambridge Hall. The meeting had been called in haste and The Most Right Reverend Clarke wasted no time in requesting that the head ministers come together so he might share with them a most singular letter, containing an equally unusual request.

Standing at the head of the table Reverend Clarke cleared his throat and looked over his spectacles. The murmur ceased, all was quiet. "Gentlemen, I hold in my hand the key to a most unique problem here at Cambridge." The gentlemen in attendance could not help but notice that the engraved note paper bore a crest and was entirely covered by a fine tightly written script. The Reverend Clarke now addressed his secretary, "Burton, what would you say were the five most pressing problems this year?"

Burton, who had been fiddling with his robe pleats, cleared his throat, and rose. "Sir, two come to my mind readily, during the winter, it's the lack of good fire wood, in the summer, the lack of a good strong wind to cool us down." He looked about the room for the approbation of his colleagues, finding only quizzical looks he managed a very slight smile and continued. "Then too, sir, we have the problem with our bread, yes our bread sir. Sometimes it is a bit moldy, or too hard. But we ask the Lord to bless it all the same. In addition, we have the inconvenience of just two tub baths a month, could we perhaps look into the purchase of additional tubs sir, for after all, cleanliness is next to godliness. Finally, we must address the difficulty of Mr. Collins."

"Hear, hear", the voices of the group joined in unison. If the student body had also been present at this meeting, be assured that the sound would have been deafening. The Right Reverend gestured to hush those present and continued, "My friends, you all are aware that Cambridge is an old establishment, a national treasure, THE school of higher learning, the pinnacle of achievement, and will be here long after we go to our reward. Heat, cold, bread, water can be addressed at any time, but gentlemen do we all see the need to act with haste on the latter matter?"

Again the pounding on the table and the resounding "YES" gave Clarke all the support he needed to read the correspondence in hand. Adjusting his spectacles, he started thus. "Colleagues and friends, this letter was delivered to me just this morning. I immediately addressed messages to you all to convene to hear the entreaty contained in this correspondence. I will not reveal the source, for that is of no great matter. It is the substance of the letter that applies to our needs..." With that introduction he began to read...

Gentlemen:

It is at this time that I take it upon myself to make an entreaty on behalf of my illustrious family and the ones that the Good Lord has put into my care, my tenants. For many years the spiritual interests of my estate were handled quite capably by a dear pastor, who was the third in his family to handle our parish. Just a fortnight ago, the kindly soul abandoned us by succumbing to old age, dying a widower and childless. It now behooves me, also a widow without a male heir, to make sure that the needs of my tenants and the locals be addressed. At present, we have no one to conduct funerals or marriages. I feel that although such matters are usually handled by males, owing to my rank, the desirability of such an appointment and the connections attached thereunto, there is no breach of decorum on my part by the writing of this letter. Indeed, my turning to your great establishment to provide just the right person for our needs is a wise decision with benefits for both of us. For it will connect forever two great institutions, my ancient estate and your grand university. Be assured, the benefits of such an appointment are great indeed. Firstly, its convenient location to my extensive grounds, makes possible visits to my noble residence. My dear friend, Lady Metcalfe commented on how the recipient of this appointment would be benefited greatly by the improved society here at Rosings Park. This is a distinct advantage that should not be taken lightly. Secondly, the parsonage has just recently been refurbished with great care and success under my direction. Lastly, there is the generous allowance of ____per anum.

The above is general information. I must now address the specifics. I desire a novice, unmarried, not brought up to high, a useful person who can make the allowance he receives go a long way. I also require a person who has studied horticulture for he must also tend a small garden for my use in addition to his own and have knowledge of aquatic life to manage a small lake area in the vicinity of his residence. He must be humble person, who is open to suggestion, with ample respect for persons of rank and position, sensitive to the needs of the sick and dying and with a good ear for listening. I am in hopes that among your most gifted students you will surely find a person that will qualify for the position described above.

Sincerely,

Lady____________

As the Reverend Clarke ended the letter, each member looked at his neighbor and nodded their heads in affirmation and mouthed the name "Collins". So it was the general consensus that among the divinity students at Cambridge there was indeed just the man for the job. He was a short fellow who displayed his humility in every body posture possible; the bowed head, the slouched shoulder, the bent knee, the Benedictine-type hand to the mouth, the constant currying for favor, all the while sweating profusely. And then there was that sideways, backwards walk that was best interpreted as the need to always be in someone's line of vision or in the way. Oh yes, Mr. Collins would do. Would do well indeed.

There was one problem though, his investiture was still three months off. There was no doubt that something had to be done in haste or else the lady might inquire elsewhere. This matter had to be handled expediently and with just the right amount of shrewdness so that Cambridge's hallowed halls would be forever free of the man who walked backwards. The Right Reverend asked for suggestions.

To his right an old wizened arm waved wildly. It belonged to Reverend Smythe who usually slept on these occasions. He rose and stated he would like to give an illustration. Given to long, winded speeches, a voice on the left said, "Let's not be all day with it Smythe." Again there was a "Hear, Hear" agreement. Smythe promised a short illustration, and continued, "If you know a lady is a lover of feathered boas, what would be a most treasured gift?" Reverend Adams shouted without ever standing, "Another feathered boa, but what does that have to do with it, Smythe?" Smythe responded, "Does the person in question like attention, crave prestige, desire importance? What could be more wonderful to such a fellow than his own private ordination, eh gentlemen?" There was a growing rumble of approval that reached its crescendo in resounding applause, because such a ruse would work on a man like Mr. Collins. "

So, my friends, shall we have a go of it? All in favor say Aye," Before The Right Reverend could continue with the requirements for a Nay reply, there was the Aye from all present and the plot for the early dismissal of Mr. Collins was hatched.

Part 2

That afternoon at 5 o'clock a messenger was sent to the domicile of the said Mr. Collins requesting that he report to The Most Right Revered Clarke's office at 9:00 am the following morning. Upon the receipt of this correspondence Mr. Collins began doing what he did best, perspiring profusely. Mr. Collins' kept his roommate awake that night by the constant audible self-evaluation. The subject of which was his worthiness or unworthiness as the case might be. Said roommate decided that sleep was a lost cause. So, in retaliation, and to gain some enjoyment from a sleepless night, stated as he shook his head, "You're done for Collins. No one is ever called to The Most Right Reverend's office unless he's being given the boot." Adding to Mr. Collins dilemma was the devilish timing on the part of the sender of the message. Now Collins would have hours and hours in which his small mind could make much from little. After all, the sender was sure that this time lapse, and the expected sleepless night would add to the readiness with which Mr. Collins would accept any suggestion.

Mr. Collins arrived promptly at 9:00 am and timidly knocked on the Reverend's office door. Upon hearing, "Enter", he found himself face to face not only with the Head of College of Divinity but also that college's entire board, who had unbeknown to him, just put the final nail in his "going away" coffin. Mr. Collins bowed exceedingly low, wiped his brow, then his entire face and finally, the top of his balding head. He was directed to be seated and the "game" began.

The Right Revered began, "Mr. Collins, we are pleased that you could join us. Allow me to assure you that the purpose of this meeting will surprise you, and should make you quite happy. Perhaps as happy as it has made all of us. The entire teaching staff here at Cambridge has taken notice of you. You truly are exceptional. Never in the recent history of this establishment has one man received so much attention from our board. Please now Mr. Collins, we would be interested in hearing from you. What are your dreams and aspirations?"

Mr. Collins bowed his head, slouched his shoulders, wiped his brow and gathered his thoughts. He was never at a loss when it came to complementary address. He had written and catalogued hundreds for use at moments like this. He bowed the second time and said, "Dear Sirs, ahem, ahem," he cleared his throat, "I don't feel it premature to address you as Distinguished Colleagues, it is due to your gracious condescension that I appear before you this day. I well remember my first days here at Cambridge..."

It was about this time that a loud thud was heard as Smythe's head hit the back of his chair, he had fallen asleep. The rest of the board envied Smythe his escape as Mr. Collins remembered, and remembered, and remembered. He next revealed that closest to his heart was a dream to have a country church where he could, with great humility, do the most good, write sermons, study and do research, tend a garden, and be of service to the poor unfortunates. Nay, not only to these, he yearned most prodigiously, to condescendingly serve persons of rank and stature. The Most Right Reverend smiled, as he thought, There is a god that answers prayers.

Upon completion of his rather lengthy address Mr. Collins bowed again and backed away from his audience only to encounter a small table which was sent toppling to the floor. Amid continuous apologies and his fruitless efforts to stand the table upright again, Reverend Clarke spoke. "Mr. Collins, never in all my days have I heard a man's inner self so truthfully revealed. I'm sure that your talents are unique, shall we say one of a kind, sir. We have reviewed Cambridge's history for a means to allow your talents to be used as soon as possible. Your varied gifts would be wasted here for the next few months, Mr. Collins. The board has discovered that on three other occasions, a private ordination was arranged for special students at Cambridge. (The Most Right Reverend failed to mention that two such ordinations were arranged posthumously and the other over the bed of a dying student) Since your tuition was paid long ago, and you have been a serious student, the entire board feels that you fit into that very special category that will allow us to give you a private ordination."

Mr. Collins could not believe his ears. He bowed several more times, wiped his brow and smiled self-admiringly. He asked himself, How do I deserve such an honor, to be ordained Easter week, ahead of my entire class? Before Mr. Collins left the room he was advised as to the time of his ordination, the proper dress and who would be present. His backward departure from the room, was accompanied by a curtain rending snort from the somnolent Reverend Scythe.

After Mr. Collins dismissal the board retired and The Most Right Reverend set about answering The Letter. After reading its contents again, he replied as succinctly as would appear polite:

12th April
Cambridge

Your Ladyship:

After a very careful search, we have come across a perfect match for the position described in your letter. The young man in question is recently ordained. His name is Mr. William Collins and was granted special honors by our board. We are certain that the two of you will have a perfectly amicable relationship since he can so readily supply your needs, and you his.

Sincerely,

The Most Right Reverend Henry Clarke
Cambridge University

The Most Right Reverend Clarke returned his pen to the inkwell, blotted his paper and smiled. His mind traveled into future months, and he thought of what a pleasant place Cambridge would be once again. As he slowly rose from his chair he hiked his robe and abandoned decorum long enough to dance a jig, and click his heels.

Part 3 For Better or For Worse -- Part 1

Mr. Collins arrived at the rectory ten minutes early. He had dressed himself with great care. His hair wax shimmered in the hallway candle light. Liberality in its use was a necessity when there were so few hairs and so much area to cover. The door was open and so he entered. Extra candles had been lit thus enabling Mr. Collins to stand by the large mahogany table and peer down to catch his reflection one more time. Since there were no musical instruments in the rectory, he assumed his ordination would be without the benefit of organ or choir. But special it would be indeed, because it was first.

The Most Right Reverend Clarke entered and extended his hand towards Mr. Collins as a gesture to indicate where he should be seated. Instead, Mr. Collins took his hand and shook it with great enthusiasm. Realizing his error only triggered his stress machinery to work even harder. Before he could retrieve his handkerchief, the wax that had been applied so liberally, and had remained hard in his cool room, began to melt. It ran onto his forehead, into his eyes and down his collar. It was not a pretty sight. His hasty efforts to improve matters were unsuccessful. The hair that covered Mr. Collins' balding crown had bent back on itself and looked like an odd angled cryptic letter.

The sound of voices were heard in the hallway and the entire College of Divinity Board entered en masse, looked in Mr. Collins' direction, nodded in recognition, paused and in unison, turned and with astonished eyes looked at him again. Mr. Smythe closed the door. The Body seated themselves at the table in front of the pulpit. Mr. Collins was in everyone's line of vision at long last. Almost as soon as all were seated Mr. Smythe honored the group with the only music available, the soft whinnies of a contented sleep.

Reverend Clarke opened his copy of 'The Anglican Book of Procedures' and read:"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here"...and halted. "Excuse me, begging your pardon," he mumbled, found the right page and continued. "In the presence of our gracious Lord, we gather as ordained ministers of the gospel to welcome into our midst a brother, a fellow slave of the Lord. The apostle Paul wrote in his first epistle to Timothy that it is right and good for a man to serve in this position. We read...Upon completion of the Bible text, he continued; The Good Lord left the perfect example of willing service to others. With humility we have joined him in a life of dedication. Now we, beg our Gracious Father's blessing on one who is newly embarking on this life. Let us pray.

After the Amen the Reverend raised his arms to indicate all should stand. Mr. Collins, who had been looking down at his reflection in his highly polished slippers missed this cue. To get his attention, Reverend Clarke cleared his throat. Mr. Collins, was startled, he quickly jumped from his seat but with hazardous results. The chair was sent backwards hitting the floor with a loud clatter. The noise awoke Mr. Smythe who immediately broke into off-key song, "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, early in the morning our thoughts are turned to thee..." There was no doubt, this ordination would stay on the minds and lips of the assembled Body for some time.

Part of the ceremony included the 'Bestowal of Blessing'. As each Board member passed, they touched Mr. Collins' bowed head and recited, "Go therefore with our blessing". It should be noted that each member in succession fumbled for his handkerchief after this procedure for reasons that could be plainly seen and felt. There was no need for anointing oil at this ceremony.

As the final one to consecrate, Mr. Smythe had noted his predecessors, and with loving hands, wiped Mr. Collins' head and brow before bestowing his blessing. Sentimental by nature, Smythe then patted him several times on the head. Unbeknownst to him, these were the softest blows ever received by that part of Collins' anatomy.

After the group's blessing Mr. Collins was presented with his diploma. The Board applauded this action with great feeling and in his usual way the graduate bowed repeatedly, thanked profusely, apologized abundantly and attempted to endear himself to all. The members lined up to shake Mr. Collins' hand and then quickly departed. He was now left alone with Reverend Clarke.

"Mr. Collins," he stated, "You will be happy to know that you have our blessing to leave at your earliest convenience to a most suitable appointment. When I received the correspondence in hand I felt that you, you alone would be able to qualify for this position. My feelings were seconded by the Board. This letter will explain all and I wish you Godspeed. According to your patroness their need is quite acute and she has been advised about your speedy arrival. I have taken the liberty of making a carriage available for your use."

With no more formality, he turned and left Mr. Collins holding his diploma in one hand and the letter in the other. Not knowing which one to open first, he decided that both should be read in the privacy of his room.

Part 4

With a hurried deliberate pace Mr. Collins retired to his room to pack his few belongings. Before opening either document he sat down and quietly observed his surroundings. He knew every crack in the wall, every bend and sway of the window covering, for this room and its furnishings had been his singular companions during his years at Cambridge.

He could best be described as not an excellent student but a dutiful one. This portrayal also fit him as a son. Since he was an only child, his mother dying in childbirth, he was use to being alone, living a friendless existence. His solitude fit well into his father's routine. His years at school had not changed his prior state so there would be no emotional farewells to attend to. Nor were there addresses to exchange. Up until this day his life had been uneventful. So there would be no burden of sorrow to carry with him as he took his leave of Cambridge.

Upon opening his diploma he observed his name, William Bennet Collins engraved amid the ornate writing. He felt his heart swell with pride and as is the case with anything involving his emotions, he did what came naturally. As he read the contents of the envelope he was forced to make use of his handkerchief again, this time to wipe teary eyes. Overwhelmed, he thought,An appointment such as this is indeed a treasure, a jewel. His dewy eyes gleamed as he fully realize how extraordinary these last few hours had been. Surely these events would turn his life around. He was jolted out of his revere by the sound of several fists pounding at the door and voices saying, "Got the boot, didn't you Collins?" Then there was the sound of raucous laughter.

As he was about to enter the carriage, he looked behind him for a final glimpse of his Alma Mater. A dull thud was heard. Turning, Mr. Collins observed the remnants of an overripe tomato dripping down the top and side of the carriage, just inches away from him. 'Someone must have left it on their window ledge and it fell, such a terrible waste of good food,' he thought to himself. Looking up, he saw dozens of his school mates leaning out of open windows. He turned, tucked his shoulders and waved at the onlookers. On the clear morning air a single voice started singing...within seconds that voice was joined by dozens of others. It was a choir of young men's beautiful voices. What a moving adieu! The song sounded vaguely familiar so Mr. Collins began humming along. Unfortunately, the song being sung with great zeal was the English round, "A Pox On You".

Part 5

Mr. Collins had determined that a stop in Hertfordshire and another south of London would allow him to make the eighty mile trip in three days. With a tinge of sorrow he recalled the few long carriage trips he had taken. One, was with the elder Mr. Collins when he was accompanied to Cambridge to start his studies. He remembered that during his entire stay at school his father had visited him only once. He justified the visit because he was on the road to somewhere else and there would be no additionaltransportation charge. The son had been forbidden to make the trip home during the yearlyrecesses. The father's belief was that 'the fare was excessive. After all, he would be leaving one place and in a short time returning there. What merit could there be in a trip like that. It would be an obvious waste of money.'

His last long trip was to his home. There he found the elder Mr. Collins on his death bed. With his dying breath his father was attempting to force from him a promise. With raspy voice, while holding onto his son's lapels he said,"Your entire life is undistinguished. Never have you been able to do asyou were instructed. Now there is a matter in which you must prove yourself after I leave you. You must in your heart disown your cousins, the Bennets and make your journey in life alone. Understand I request, no, I demand that you do not seek them out, you must shun them. Upon my cousin's death seize what is rightfully yours, evict without mercy. Swear to me, swear it!"

Mr. Collins held his father's hands and attempted to soothe him. He stated that he had a Christian mission now. As a minister of the gospel he could not in good conscience make such an oath. But he did promise that he would secure what was his right due to the entailment. Whereupon his father, drawing on his last bit of vital energy, and being true to his heart felt sentiments toward his son, whispered, "A pox on you, William," boxed his son's ears roundly and drew his last breath.

Mr. Collins remembered this as the last of many blows delivered by his father to that part of his anatomy. All of them supposedly given with the singular purpose of 'imparting some good sense' to a son who had never reached the father expected potential either in form or address. This son's life was in exchange for that of a beloved wife. The son was as much a disappointment in the father's eyes as the father was in the eyes of the son.

Part 6

The stop for the night at Hertfordshire was in the town of Meryton. He mentioned to the inn keeper that he had relatives in the area, the Bennets. He was informed by the proprietor that the family lived just one mile from the town, were well liked and had the most attractive daughters in the area. The latter news was most welcomed by Mr. Collins.

The following morning, Mr. Collins juggled in his mind the wisdom of stopping to meet The Bennets. He finally thought better of it thinking that perhaps a letter of introduction would act as oil on troubled waters. This symbolic olive branch could be written at anytime after he was settled in Kent.

The carriage departed at day break for Bromley, the final stop before Kent. Mr. Collins noticed how the roads changed for the better as they approached London and returned to disrepair as they got further away.

As is often the traveler's bane after the spring rains, the carriage got bogged down in the mud. After a valiant struggle, which involved using his whip, the driver requested Mr. Collins' assistance. "Please sir, if you would manage the horse, I will push from the rear." Mr. Collins' reluctance was evident. He was not a lover of horses. Better put, he was terrified of them. He held the bridle and pulled the horse forward hoping for the best. The animal sensing his fear, and not beinggood natured anyway, proceeded to take his vengeance out on Mr. Collins by nipping him in the buttocks. Mr. Collins seemed to have that affect on small children and animals.

Bromley was a terminal city. Many coach lines used it as their base of operation. It had a liberal sprinkling of inns and a well represented shopping area. Upon arrival, Mr. Collins, in the hope of gaining some status with the staff, addressed the clerk at the bell. He explained he was on the way to Kent, had been blessed by the patronage of the Honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh and needed a room for the night, lodging for his driver and provisions for the horse. He was well received, delivered to a most comfortable room, immediately served tea and advised that dinner would be ready in one hour. Mr. Collins was absolutely overcome by the welcome received. He wondered if his status as clergyman was responsible for such fine treatment. Such would be the conclusion of a weak head now coupled with self-conceit.

Since it was still light after dinner, Mr. Collins inquired at the desk where he might find a local store carrying writing paper. He was directed to a nearby shop. Upon entering the establishment Mr. Collins observed that besides paper, the store stocked ink, quills, blotters,seals, sealing wax, writing tables, various lamps, lap desks and a few articles not related to the pursuit of letter writing. Deciding he would browse, allowed him to walk up and down the aisle.The time was spent fingering various objects and audibly voicing his pleasure or displeasure with the hope of impressing the shopkeeper with his 'fine taste'..

He finally addressed the owner. "Sir, I desire to purchase a fine writing paper for use in my new appointment in Kent. I will be serving as cleric at Rosings Park the estate of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Can you make any recommendations.?"

The storekeeper, a man of infinite patience, with years of service to a varied clientele, felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. Instinctively he knew, this was about to become one of those rare encounters with a most difficult customer.

It was explained to Mr. Collins that there was a wide range of papers in the store. Papers came in a variety of weights, textures, appearances and prices. He inquired as to the price range he had in mind. Mr. Collins withdrew a money bag, counted out a few coins and asked what could be purchased with the monies represented. The store keeper offered him a local newspaper. No purchase having been made, Mr. Collins returned to the inn for the nights' rest.

Their early departure from Bromley assured Mr. Collins that, barring an upset, they would arrive at Rosings Park before dark. He so desired to make that all important first impression during day light hours.

As the carriage rolled past endless landscape, Mr. Collins entertained thoughts of his good fortune which made him positively giddy with excitement. Envisioning how he would present himself to his noble patroness, he thought, Surely such a great lady has heard many addresses before, but since first impressions are most lasting, mine must be one worthy of note.

He began to review in his mind favorable, complementary words that might apply to this particular circumstance. Part of his plan was to affect Lady Catherine de Bourgh in a way she would long remember. "My Esteemed Patroness,...No that will not do,My Dear Lady,...Too familiar,...Grand Lady, Benevolent Soul,...That holds promise." Little did Mr. Collins know that Lady Catherine's first impression would indeed be affected by her first sight of him.

Part 7

He was brought to his senses by the announcement from the driver that they had entered Rosings Park. It seemed that they passed miles and miles of varied scenery, wooded lands, rolling hills, ponds, open fields and lakes. At last they reached a stone and iron work entryway. Up ahead, on elevated ground stood a most impressive stone structure. The front facade was dotted with an abundance of windows. Mr. Collins was totally overwhelmed by such grandeur.

The carriage drew up to the front door. When it stopped, Mr. Collins did not wait for the livery but opened the door himself. He exited, looking upward and as his eyes traveled downward to ground level, he saw the figure of a woman at one of the windows. The realization that he was being observed made him misjudge his step and sent him and his hat sprawling to the gravel path. The livery was not quick enough to break his fall. To all who observed it, Mr. Collins convulsive efforts to stand upright much resembled the motions of an overturned turtle. This proved to be the grand Lady's first impression of her ungainly cleric. Once upright, Mr. Collins brushed himself off, straightened his waistcoat, was handed his hat and proceeded toward the front door where the footman was making a valiant effort to compose himself.

The butler made the announcement, "Mr. Collins, Your Ladyship". Mr. Collins entered the room while making multiple bows, all the while attempting to get a good look at his benefactress.Lady Catherine sat regally on a chair closely resembling a throne. Around her shoulders were yards of imported lace and upon her head, more of the same. She appeared to be in her mid-forties, with erect posture and stately manner. As she had already observed Mr. Collins lighting from the carriage she was not surprised at his appearance. As he approached, she held out her gloved hand. "Your Ladyship, Esteemed Patroness, I am honored by your condescension on my behalf." His patroness smiled wanly.

Lady Catherine had hoped that the gifted student who would benefit from her patronage would have also been pleasing in form and address. She found neither in the person before her. "Mr. Collins," she said coolly, "Welcome to Rosings Park. I hope that you had a pleasant journey." Without waiting for the reply which was on Mr. Collins lips along with more of his panegyrizing, she continued, "Since I am sure that you are fatigued from your long trip I suggest that you be taken to your residence and we can talk tomorrow. With that she rang the bell for a carriage.

Mr. Collins was quite disappointed that his audience with Lady Catherine was so abrupt. He had rehearsed quite carefully how he would compliment her appearance, her home, and any other thing of consequence that came into his view. The questions now was, would he be able to remember all these remarks after a night's rest! That remained to be seen.

As he arrived at the rectory, a modest stone building with several windows, the carriage door was opened by a tall, slim man of about thirty-five who assisted him out of the carriage. He followed the servant into the foyer of the parsonage and handed his hat and gloves to him. Not having much experience in dealing with servants put him at a distinct disadvantage. He was then quite taken back when two women took their place next the man in the foyer. The household staff was assembled, awaiting instructions from the new master. He removed his oversized handkerchief and began to wipe his face, not only to remove the perspiration, but also to stall for time. Since he remained mute, the male servant spoke. "Begging your pardon sir, my name is Arthur, this here is Irene, my wife and Rose our daughter, Bettie. We are your staff here at the parsonage. Do you wish your baggage removed to your bedroom first or is there another matter you wish me to attend to? If you would like, I could show you the parsonage before you dine" He continued, "There is a supper prepared for you, cold meat, bread and salad. My wife took the liberty of baking a cake to welcome you. Mr. Collins, regaining his composure, advised the staff of his desire for things to continue as they had with the previous master. His baggage was retrieved and he was then escorted to the dinning room for his meal. His tour of the premises was uneventful and he retired for the night.

Part 8

Early the next morning Mr. Collins was awakened by the sound of a carriage drawing up to his residence. "Where is he?" the female voice demanded, "Is he not awake? Surely he has slept sufficiently." His eyes widened with the realizationof his situation.He jumped from his bed, splashed water on his face and head, fairly leaped into his trousers, and as he buttoned his waistcoat rushed to his bedroom door. He almost collided with Arthur who was in the hallway approaching his bedroom door.. He peeked down from the top stair and said, "Ah, your Ladyship, I was just completing my sequestered morning devotionals. I trust this day finds you in the best of health."

"I was quite vexed by not meeting you down stairs, Mr. Collins, but your explanation puts me at ease."

"Your Ladyship's benevolent and Christian nature is made quite evident by your reply," Mr. Collins stated as he bowed quite low and remained in that position a little longer than necessary.

His Patroness' quick eye noticed that there were a few changes made in the rectory's sitting room since her last visit. She assumed they had been made since Mr. Collins' arrivalyesterday, and credited that to an industrious nature on his part. Lady Catherine complemented him on the changes made. He accepted the praise even though the changes had been made by the servants long before his arrival. Her Ladyship then mentioned that she had personally supervised the decorating of the house after the previous occupant had passed. She then mentioned a small matter that she had intended to have completed before his arrival. It had to do with a second story bedroom closet which she felt needed modification. She was passionate about changing the spacing of the shelves and advised Mr. Collins that she would instruct the carpenter to visit with her precise measurements as soon as possible. Of course, the resident agreed that it was a matter deserving immediate attention.

Lady Catherine then proceeded to explain the nature of her early morning visit. She invited Mr. Collins to accompany her and her daughter on a tour of Rosings Park. During their tour she would very much like to discuss church business, and to introduce him to the tenants in that order. Mr. Collins was delighted at the honor of accompanying The Lady. As a matter of fact, he could not help expressing his appreciation, again and again, as he walked out of the sitting room, down the hall, into the foyer, out the door and to the carriage.

Upon exiting the house, Mr. Collins noticed that the additional passengers were already seated in the carriage. After assisting Lady Catherine into the carriage and seating himself next to her, she proceeding to introduce her daughter, Miss Anne de Bourgh and her companion, Mrs. Jenkinson. Both ladies nodded and proceeded with their private conversation.

Mr. Collins discreetly examined the ladies in front of him, all the while hearing Lady Catherine de Bourgh's voice describing the shrubbery, the trees and other landscape details with relish. Mrs. Jenkinson, a matron in her fifties was a slim woman, who looked every bit the part of a governess, now turned companion. She attended to every need of her charge. She straightened the afghan on the younger lady's lap, held the parasol over her head all the while engaging in private address.

The youngest passenger was a wisp of a girl, perhaps two years younger than himself with large eyes encompassed by dark circles. Her skin was extraordinarily pale which was in contrast to her nose which was a bright pink. Her frequent use of a lace embellished handkerchief to that part of her face was the reason for this marked contrast. But, due to Mr. Collins limited exposure to the female sex, and his worship of anyone of rank and position he concluded that she was the most beautiful young woman ever in his company.

He was jolted from his worshipful thoughts by Lady Catherine's comments, "Mr. Collins, I hope that you have noticed the need for some flora around the lake bank. As soon as possible I shall find out which plants will do best here. It is my wish that you take this job in hand. I will be quite put out if I hear that a servant has taken this assignment." Her male passenger bowed his head obligingly, smiled, and said, "It will be my pleasure. I will expend myself making this area a virtual Garden of Eden for your eye's delight." Mr. Collins was proud of his statement, It has Biblical overtones, he thought, and would impress his titled tour guide.

Lady Catherine's attention was diverted by several slight coughs on the part of her daughter. "Anne, perhaps this trip is too much for you." She then addressed the driver, "Thornton, return to the house." Turning in her seat to face him she said, "Mr. Collins, we must cancel the rest of our outing. It appears that Anne has taken a chill. We will resume our excursion later this week." As the carriage made its way to the house, the Lady began question Mr. Collins as to his place of birth, his family, education, interests, and the topic of his first sermon. There was no place for silent thoughts and wishes while in the great lady's presence.

Part 9

Upon their early return, Lady Catherine advised Mr. Collins that they had planned to enjoy an informal dinner. He was invited to join them for a cold plate in a small dining area off from the drawing room. Her Ladyship continued her conversation on landscaping and flowers. Miss de Bourgh and Mrs. Jenkinson sat off to themselves as Mrs. Jenkinson encouraged Anne de Bourgh to taste a little of this and a little of that. Mr. Collins looked about trying to adjust to the opulence about him. Paintings, tapestries, figurines, were scattered about in over abundance. But the real focal points were the tremendous fire places at each end of the room, fireplaces of truly prodigious dimensions befitting his esteemed patroness. Mr. Collins' would continue complementing for a full half-hour much to the satisfaction of the Lady of the house.

As Mr. Collins' turned to leave he wondered at the magnificence from which he was departing. He could not help but notice as he looked above the battlements that there were at least six chimneys of various heights soaring upward. Mr. Collins adoration of Lady Catherine's multitude of windows and fireplaces competed with his admiration for the lady herself.

Upon his return home from his abbreviated tour he retired to the book room. The previous parsons had accumulated an extensive collection of writings, secular and religious. But Mr. Collins reason for attending the room was far from its purposed use. It was from this room that he had a view of the road in case her Ladyship's carriage should pass bye.

Meanwhile, in another part of the house the master was being evaluated by the ones with whom he shared these quarters. "My dear Mr. Fleming," Irene addressed her husband, "It is all over the great house what a pudding-head our new master is. Philip, the door man observed his exit from the carriage--it took every ounce of strength for him not to laugh out loud. James, the butler, observed his silly posturing when he was announced." Bettie interjected, almost in hysterics, and wiping tears from her eyes, :"His walk, Mother, his walk, I have never seen anything like it. Sort of backwards, sideways," I would say. "When he accompanied Lady Catherine to the door I was quite afraid she would trip over him. or, he might trip over himself." Arthur, a serious man, and conscious of the need, never to offend, especially a master, hushed the ladies and advised them of the need for prudence. This was indeed important since the new master was unfamiliar with the house and might wander in at any time. After all, he had lost his way already three times today.

Part 10

Late that day an invitation was received from Lady Catherine inviting Mr. Collins to a formal dinner the morrow at four o'clock. He found his way to the kitchen to inform Irene, "My Patroness has graciously invited me to dine tomorrow, so there will be no need to prepare dinner for myself. I confess," he said, "I should not have been at all surprised by her ladyship's asking me to drink tea and spend the evening at Rosings. I rather expected from my knowledge of her affability, that this would happen. But, who could have foreseen such attention as this, an invitation to dine so soon after my arrival." He left the kitchen humming to himself as he conducted his imaginary orchestra.

Lady Catherine sat in her bedchamber after her maid had left. She had decided that tomorrow at dinner she would be able to talk to Mr. Collins about the needs of the community. Based on how easily he was guided, he could turn into a valuable ally. Her observations of today, supported her first impression, Mr. Collins was a lug-head.

After breakfast that next day, Mr. Collins decided he would take a short walk near enough to the rectory to hear any approaching carriage. His decision was a wise one,for just as he was returning to the house he heard the distinct sound of horses' hoofs and carriage wheels and was able to present himself at the front door. Lady Catherine leaned over the side of the carriage and addressed him, "Mr. Collins, this will not do, I am just returning from town and find to my amazement that your cook has ordered an entire leg of lamb. You must watch the servants, they are a crafty lot. If not properly supervised they can steal you blind. I shall take the meat back for you and get a proper cut ofmeat for your table. With that, she summoned the livery to go to the kitchen and retrieve the meat. It appears, that leg of lamb would be on the dinner menu that evening at Rosings.

At two o'clock Mr. Collins was ready for his four o'clock dinner engagement. There was nothing to do but pace the floor of the book room, wiping his brow. He had determined that he would leave his house at three fifteen which would allow for a leisurely walk. He was all amazement when just before his planned departure he heard the sound of a carriage stopping. Arthur knocked on the door and advised Mr. Collins that her ladyship had sent a carriage for transporting him to dinner. Mr. Collins straightened himself up at least as tall as his feeling of self-importance would allow, and advised Arthur that he had expected the carriage. Arthur, a discreet man, said "Yes sir," all the while knowing that Her Ladyship was not given to such generosity without purpose.

As they entered the foyer Arthur handed Mr. Collins his hat and gloves. The recipient, unnerved by the anticipation ofthe evening ahead of him, dropped his gloves. Being unfamiliar with proper etiquette, he swiftly bent to retrieve them.With this sudden movement there was heard a loud ripping sound. Mr. Collins was forced to return to his bedroom for a quick change ofbreeches.Arthur, dutiful by nature, stayed in the foyer holding his master's belongings while he whistled as a way to allay laughter.

Part 11

Mr. Collins was late! As he entered the room he apologized profusely and bowed repeatedly. Lady Catherine's stern looks did not soften with his elaborate acknowledgment of error. "There are few things that I find intolerable, Mr. Collins. One is tardiness. An organized mind and home make it possible to always be on time. I trust that we shall never have to discuss this matter again," she stated as she offered him her armto escort her the dinning table.

As they entered the room Mr. Collins gazed upward. Suspended from the ceiling was a huge crystal chandelier which illuminated the frescos on the ceiling. The dinning room table was covered with costly, lace embellished table cloth, and set with fine china and cut glass. The hostess had personally selected the service to be used and supervised the entire table setting. Lady Catherine also knew that first impressions are lasting.

The dinner was exceedingly handsome, and there was an abundance of servants, a variety of meats, including a leg of lamb and many other articles of plate. Mr. Collins took his seat at the bottom of the table, by her ladyship's desire, and looked as if he felt life could furnish nothing greater. Mr. Collins carved and ate, and praised with delighted promptitude. No dish was too small to escape his commendation.

He also took note of Anne de Bourgh's fickle appetite and Mrs. Jenkinson's constant coaxing. Her delicate nature is especially evident when dining, he contemplated, the mark of a true lady. This was his thought even though to his right Lady Catherine had consumed what was roasted, pickled, fried, poached, braised and boiled without hesitation. He even attempted to coax Miss de Bourgh by presenting her with a plate he prepared with carved meats and other delicacies. After dinner the small party retired to the drawing room where Lady Catherine talked without intermission, gave her opinion on a variety of subjects and proved to Mr. Collins that she was not one he would wish to be at odds with.At nine o'clock the carriage was summoned and a well-feed, grateful, young minister was sent home.

Mr. Collins sat on the edge of his bed to mentally wallow in his good fortune. This day had fulfilled all his long held desires. Despite the tongue lashing he received from Lady Catherine, he sensed that they would have a good relationship once they understood one another better. He contemplated every minute of the evening, the dinning, the conversation, and Anne de Bourgh's unusualhairdo, all bows, feathers, and lace.He thought to himself,She did look exceedingly charming in that cream colored dress. He was encouraged by Lady Catherine's invitationto continue their tour and meet the tenants. Mr. Collins thought, all is well with the world, all is well indeed.

After Mrs. Jenkinson had helped her prepare for bed, Anne said her prayersand laid down and pulled her covers up to her chin. She was tired, but the excitement of the evening made it impossible for her to sleep. It was such a lovely dinner, she thought. Mr. Collins appears to be agentlemanly person. He was certainly entertainingwith his amusing anecdotes.In address and fashionhe may not be as elegant man, but, his somber dress is a requirement of his profession.His presentation ofcarved meats andthe pretty display of vegetables was a thoughtful gesture. We can rightly assume Anne was not accustomed to male attention.

Lady Catherine's candles flickered because it was quite late. She had sat down at her secretary to make a list of things to be accomplished the next day. First, she and Mr. Collins would visit the tenants. A formal introduction of the new minister was long overdue. A trip to the local merchants was in order also. Lady Catherine's educational program was under way.

Part 12

The visit to the estate's tenants was informative. Mr. Collins was able to observe that other side of the spectrum. The occasion was not without a sprinkling of faux pas--the first being Mr. Collins readiness to extend his hand in greeting. A mistake immediately commented on when they returned to the carriage. Lady Catherine reminded him that the tenants were not his equals, only his charges. The children, dirty and unkempt, received the treats with an almost wild-like eagerness;The homes they visited were for the most part, in disrepair and virtually without any light or ventilationHe made a mental note that with his first sermon he would preach them into cleanliness. As they were driving away from the last tenant's house Lady Catherine stated, "As you can see Mr. Collins, you will be inthe best position to influence these by the pointed messages of your weekly sermons. Perhaps you will allow me to have a preview ofyour first discourse once it is completed." Mr. Collins was flattered by this unique request. He turned to Lady Catherine, bowed his head and stated, "Your Ladyship, you do me great honor to make such a request. I am your humble servant, it would please me greatly to have you peruse the thoughts I put on paper."

After a few minutes ofunusual silence on the part ofhis Patroness, Mr. Collins decided to ask a question that had be foremost in his thoughts. "Your Ladyship," he stated, "It is my humble wish that last evening's activities were not too strenuous for Miss de Bourgh " The reply comforted him greatly. "No, Mr. Collins, they were not. Miss de Bourgh had inquired about accompanying us this morning but I thought it best that she not be exposed too long to these unpredictable winds."

She then continued, "You have observed my daughter and must acknowledgethat in point of true beauty, she is far superior to the handsomest of her sex, because there is that in her features which marks the young woman of distinguished birth. Unfortunately she is a sickly child. This problem has prevented her from making progress in any accomplishments. Any of which if she had pursued she would have excelled. Her indifferent health prevents her from being in London and thus she has not been presented at court.

Mr. Collins, felt a compliment was in order and stated, "It is the British court's great loss for it thus has been deprived ofits brightest ornament." Lady Catherine received this tribute as praise not just for her daughter, but for herself as well. After all, she was Anne's mother. Seeing the look of pleasure on the Lady's face he continued, "Your esteemed daughter seems to have been born a duchess. And, Madam, that title, instead of giving her consequence would be adorned by her." Yes, it appeared that Mr. Collins' 'Catalogue of Praise' was invaluable.

Their visit to the merchants allowed Mr. Collins to see how knowledgeable her Ladyship was on aeven more varied number of subjects. "Were the chickens fed corn? The beef fat is off-color. The eggs are not fresh if they float in water. The shop keeper should put bay leaves in the drawers to keep away bugs and sage would drive ants away." He certainly could not be aware ofthe comments made about her Ladyship after their departure. She was described as difficult to please, and with a tendency to be quite frugal, or shall we say niggardly.

Upon their arrival back at Rosings, Mr. Collins was invited to tea. The sideboard was almost groaning under the heavy assault of tea cakes, sandwiches and fruits available.Mr. Collins was directed to a seat by Lady Catherine. Shortly after he was seated Miss de Bough and Mrs. Jenkinson entered the room, he rose and waited until they were seated to resume sipping his tea. Miss de Bough eyes remained downcast and she only stated, "Good day to you Mr. Collins." as a blush rose to her cheeks. This was not observed by her mother who was at that moment instructing or chastising a servant for some minor breach of service etiquette. But, it did not go unnoticed by the lonely male visitor.

After tea, Lady Catherine advised Mr. Collins that she would like to have him visit Rosings' library. Upon entering the room, he was left virtually breathless with the magnitude ofbooks stacked, shelved and catalogued in this very impressive room. "You see, Mr. Collins,these are the de Bourgh family's true treasures. Within these walls are eight generations of book collecting. My Anne, does not have the temperament to spend long hours seated in this room.My duties do not allow me to make use ofthis room, so, if it were not for the servant's attention, this would be anever visited, dust filled room. But, you may feel free to use these facilities in the preparation ofyour discourses. You would be in no ones way here. It will give me great pleasure to know that the room is being used once again.

"Your Ladyship has read my heart, my gratefulness for your condescension on my behalfcannot be put into words." As he bowed, Mr. Collins right arm encountered a stack of books that were sent sprawling. The magic died.

Part 13

After tea Mr. Collins returned home. Normally, persons in his profession would spend part of the morning and part of the afternoon writing letters. But, who could he write to. There was no circle of friends to keep informed. Neither was there family to correspond with. That being the case, with great fervor Mr. Collins began to spend these hours in the garden. He planted, watered,and fertilized, knowing that eventually he would reap the benefits of his labour.

At times on his solitary walks he would encounter Anne de Bourghand Mrs. Jenkinson riding in a low phaeton driven by ponies. There was always the exchange of pleasantries as Miss de Bourgh inquired about his garden. He was determined to present her with whatever first fruits would be gathered. So weeks and then a few months passed with a flow of day to day activities.

Late one afternoon Mr. Collins received an invitation to make up her pool of quadrille. Mr. Collins, not experienced in any form of gaming decided that since the gaming was being enjoyed by people ofrespectable character, and with no evil tendency at all, it would bealtogether proper for him to join.

Once seated at the card table he realized that his partner for the evening was Miss de Bourgh. The thought of easy conversation with her made him perspire with great enthusiasm. "How was your tour today Miss de Bourgh.?" he inquired. She answered barely above a whisper that she and Mrs. Jenkinson had enjoyed the ride immensely and that she thanked him again for the cantaloupe from his garden. Mr. Collins beamed and stated a late strain had been planted and once they bore fruitage he would deliver some of them to her also. In the meantime Lady Catherine was giving detailed instruction to all present as to the correct way to play the game. She took no note on the blush on Anne's cheek. It was prompted by Mr. Collins compliment on how lovely she looked in her new dress.

During a break in the gaming, Lady Catherine, in private conversation with Mr. Collins condescendingly mentioned to him that since he was settled so favorably he should consider his future life. She inquired as to his plans and mentioned the need of a man of his age and station to seriously consider looking for a suitable wife. She even mentioned a recent wedding she and Anne had attended. A cousin of theirs had married a clergyman. While the match was not initially looked upon with a friendly eye, all was resolved and the couple seemed to be supremely happy. It was in this way that Lady Catherine recommended the bonds of matrimony to Mr. Collins. He wondered if his patroness had read his mind. Especially so, after he had turned and caught Anne eye, as Mrs. Jenkinson was attending to her footstool.

Part 14

Anne, who rarely ventured offthe estate made a startling request the following day. She wished to go to the milliner to obtain a new hat, one that would match her new cream colored dress.Lady Catherineobserved her daughter closely. 'Why this sudden interest in clothes and hats,' she thought. Looking back she recalled that it was around her daughter's age that she became fashion conscious. She wondered at this degree of independence being shown by her daughter. But, considering everything she felt she could indulge her daughter's fancy. "Anne," she said, "Perhaps you could see the dressmaker also. Tell her to visit Rosings with her offerings for the season. Perhaps both of us could make use of her services."

When they arrived in town Mrs. Jenkinson could scarcely believe the energy displayed by her young charge. She scurried alongside her, holding her parasol as she swept into the door of the milliner's shop. Once inside, Anne was completely overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the finery displayed on various shelves, closets and cases. This was her first venture to such a place without the guiding hand of her mother. 'What to do?' she asked herself. The proprietor, honored by her presence, bowed and asked what her wishes were.

Mrs. Jenkinson, realizing that Anne was not up to the task at hand answered for her. "The Honorable Miss de Bourgh wishes to see your latest styles of hat. She is interested in a bonnet for church to match or complement a cream colored dress."

'There,' Anne thought, 'It is done, I shall not have to say another word. Everything will be taken care of.' After three quarters of an hour it was decided, the burgundy hat with cream colored flowers and streamers would do quite nicely. The package would be deliveredto Rosings later on that day.

When the carriage reached the dress maker's shop Mrs. Jenkinsonsuggested that Anne stay in the carriage and allow her to deliver her mother's message. When Mrs. Jenkinson exited the shop she noticed that her charge was conversing with a young man who she readily identified as Mr. Collins. Their paths must have just crossed because Mr. Collins had just finished his customary bow with flourish.

Anne was seated on the left side of the carriage, that left Mr. Collins exposed to whatever traffic passed. He inquired as to the health of the lone passenger, her mother's well being and her estimation of the Sunday's discourse. Although in the presence of her mother Anne never voiced her opinion, today due to how at ease she felt at the moment, she responded to all her male acquaintance's questions. Mrs. Jenkinson returned to the carriage and they parted with the usual pleasantries. They missed the spectacle of a horse relieving himself in a puddle around Mr. Collins' feet as he stood in the middle ofthe street waving good-bye to the back of their carriage.

Part 15

Mrs. Jenkinson observed that her young mistress was all aflutter as they departed from Mr. Collins. As to her loyalties, she knew where they lay. This matter deserves furtherobservation, she thought to herself.Since she knew for a certainty her young charge would not breach the subject she stated, "Mr. Collins appears to be an amiable young man." Miss de Bourgh raised her eyes from the customarily lowered focus and agreed, "Yes, I do find him quite amiable." Knowing there would be no further elaboration, Mrs. Jenkinson continued, "His Sunday's discourse seemed to be enjoyed by the entire congregation." Waiting for Anne's comment, she watched the young lady's expression. With flushed face and a twinge of pink on her face she replied, with great feeling, "You noticed that also!"

Mrs. Jenkinson's investigation on the trip home was quite thorough. Her queries centered on the young minister and his sterling qualities. She watched the intensity with which her questions were answered and the expression in the young lady's eyes. Never in all her years as governess or the time spent as paid companion had she witnessed such animation in Anne.

Once home Mrs. Jenkinson retired to her room. The conclusion she reachedafter several hours of thought were that this was not the time of life for her to seek new employment. She had no plans ofchanging professions at this stage in her life. Nor was she ready to give up the life style afforded her by her residence at Rosings. She must do her homework.

The following Sunday Miss de Bourgh attended church in her new bonnet that matched the cream colored dress that was so admired by Mr. Collins. Mrs. Jenkinson attended that Sunday as an observer.Lady Catherine was in attendance to see how closely her protégé' would follow the discourse she had reworked on his behalf. All were satisfied in their quests. Many were the comments on how well Anne lookedand how the new bonnet framed her face perfectly. All but one complement fell on a deaf ear.

Mrs. Jenkinson had a formidable task before her. She knew it would not be in her best interest to give Lady Catherine the idea that she was spying on her daughter. Nor, should she risk alienating her charge. The only possible way to solve the problem would be through a suggestion to her Ladyship. Early the following day Mrs. Jenkinson inquired as to the possibility of a private audience with Lady Catherine. She was immediately granted her request.

Once seated in the drawing room Mrs. Jenkinson stated, "Your Ladyship, I wanted to find out from you if you had made any unusual observations about our new cleric?" Lady Catherine wondered if Mrs. Jenkinson was referring to either one of the discourses with which she had acted as 'assistant'. Lady Catherine with feigned interest said, "Pray, continue, Mrs. Jenkinson."

So, she went on more pointedly, "I am referring to Mr. Collins' apparent 'shyness' aroundthose who are young and of the weaker sex. I am sure that his reserve could be remedied if he was properly guided Madam. A mere suggestion on your part would be all the nudge he would need.

Lady Catherine's eyes narrowed. She then addressed Mrs. Jenkinson, "I am so glad that I am not the only one that has made this observation. If it is obvious to you, it must be obvious to the congregation. You are right Mrs. Jenkinson, Mr. Collins must be wed! I will approach him on the matter this very day.

Part 16

The livery that delivered the invitation to Rosings also waited for him. Mr. Collins wondered whether there was some breach of decorum, some unknown error on his part and spent a few minutes in his book room to calm himself before departing. Lady Catherine's welcome allayed his fear of disapproval.

"Mr. Collins, please be seated." She instructed the butler to bring refreshments. Looking at Mr. Collins with a smile she said, "This entire morning you and your future have occupied my thoughts." Mr. Collins smiled smugly, bowed his head and spewed forth a flow of words in appreciation for her ladyship's using her valuable time on one as unworthy as he.

"At this point, Mr. Collins, my main concern for you is your need for a wife," said his Patroness. William Bennet Collins could scarcely believe his ears. Had the great lady and her esteemed daughter been talking?he thought to himself. Was this an offhanded way to invite courtship? his mind raced. It appeared that Mr. Collins very good opinion of himself, his authority as clergyman and his right as a rector had muddled his brain.

Lady Catherine proceeded to bring Mr. Collins to his senses by her next words. First she gave a recommendation--due to the entailment involved with the property at Longbourn, she felt he should choose a wife from among these cousins. After all, such an offer would be full of eligibility on his part and would show him to be excessively generous. She continued, "You must choose properly. Choose a gentlewoman for my sake. For your own sake, make sure she is an active, useful person,not brought up too high, but able to make a small income go a long way." Finally with great condescension she continued, "When you return with her to Hunsford, I will visit her."

Her Ladyship's continued conversation sounded like a muffled rumblings in the distance. Mr. Collins' head was throbbing, his emotions were shipwrecked, resulting in the usual secretion, which collected quite suddenly on his brow. He was brought around by Lady Catherine's inquiry, "Are you unwell, Mr. Collins?"

He replied, "I beg your Ladyship's pardon, I do feel quite unwell and beg to be excused."

"By all means, Mr. Collins, I will have you delivered safely to your door" The butler rang for a carriage.

Part 17

Upon his return to his residence, Mr. Collins took to analyzing his situation. There was no doubt in his mind that to oppose the Lady of Rosings Park would prove to be his downfall. There was nothing else to say on the matter. How would he convey that solemn resolution to the other person affected? After a small glass of port he put pen to hand and wrote the word, DUTY. This would be the theme ofhis sermon on Sunday. Mr. Collins sighed. Above all else he wished to continue as a dutiful servant,and a grateful recipient of Lady Catherine's beneficence.

Anne de Bourgh instructed her maid to lay out her cream colored dress in the sunlight so she should see how her newest hat of emerald green with it matching scarf would look against it's soft color. She was quite satisfied with the match and glowed with anticipation of a complement. Smith, her maid, who was always full of conversation, kept her as quiet in her chambers as her mother did elsewhere. She oohed and aahed about the lovely hat, how the scarf matched perfectly and made the suggestion that she wear the outfit to church the next day. Anne intended to do just that.

That afternoon, around tea time she was about to enter the drawing room when she heard voices. It appeared that her mother had company, a dear friend, Lady Metcalfe. Anne entered the room, and was beckoned by her mother. After she had curtsied to the Lady, her mother's guest took her chin in her hand and expounded,"Why Anne, you look quite lovely. Your complexion has such brilliancy. Now speak, you sly thing, what have you been up to." Anne stammered and tried to regain her composure. Her mother interjected, "Anne has been taking daily rides around the park. I had not noticed, but I now see that there is an improvement in her appearance."

Anne took a chair directly across from her mother. The servant poured the tea. Lady Catherine's conversation with Lady Metcalfe continued, "My dear friend, you have not had the opportunity to meet our new parson. He is a young man of five and twenty, unmarried and full of promise." Anne smiled as she heard her mother's compliment. "After some observation on my part, I determined that it was time for him to seek a wife and told him so only yesterday. I have instructed him to seek a wife among his cousins in Hertfordshire."

A startled Anne tipped over her tea cup and in the process burned her hand. That pain was dwarfed by the one in her breast, in the area she perceived was her heart. It was a welcomed accident for it allowed her the liberty of tears. As the servants bundled her off to her room she thought to herself, Did she not see, does she not understand. She does not care for my happiness.Her hand was bandaged, she was given warm milk and placed gently in the bed by Mrs. Jenkinson who thought to herself, She is safe, nothing will change, she shall remain as she always has been, my dear child.She sat by the bed, supposedly watching Anne sleep. Although Anne's eyes were closed, she was not asleep and she thought, What will become of me?

Part 18

Sunday, as Anne seated herself at her dressing mirror she noticed that the dark circles that had disappeared gradually had now returned. While arranging her hair, Smith chattered on about the parson taking a trip in a few weeks to Hertfordshire to visit cousins. She was privy to that information from her cousin Bettie who worked at Hunsford.

Smith slipped the cream colored dress over her head. The green scarf was affixed with an emerald broach and then the matching bonnet was placed on her head. Smith saw the listlessness on the part of her mistress and inquired, "Miss, do you feel well enough to attend service this morning?" Anne was quite determined to go.

As Anne, her mother and Mrs. Jenkinson entered the church, she felt all eyes turn to admire the titled one's finery. There was a certain air that those of rank carry with them where ever they are. It allowed them never to be questioned, doubted, or found fault with, at least not in their presence. It was a form of insulation. Anne was used to it.She was, after all, to the manner born. They took their seats in the front pew.

Mr. Collins had not been at his regular station greeting the faithful as they arrived for service. He had spent the night in chapel, thinking, and composing his sermon. He had felt the need for sanctuary at this time. Fortunately, there were toiletries in the church office, but not one mirror was found in the entire chapel. This was apparently the prior parson's hedge against self-flattery. This morning he chose not to greet all at the front and entered through the side door. This proved to be an unfortunate error.

Mr. Collins entered the pulpit and turned to face the congregation. The little children, who have no inhibitions were the first to point. The others tried to maintain a straight faces. The damage was done however, for Mr. Collins had dressed at the church without benefit of his returned reflection. The ink used in sermon writing not only was affixed to the paper before him.Across his forehead was the unmistakable evidence of writer's ink, from the middle of his forehead down the side of his face. Mr. Collins' attempt to correct matters with his ever present handkerchief met with limited success. After a scattering of children's giggles the congregation settled down.

Anne, brought to her senses by what occurred thought to herself, I have never been laughed at in my life. How would I, as wife to a parson, react to such a spectacle. What comfort could I give to such a man..

Part 19

It was on this day that Mr. Collins preached a heartfelt sermon, one that would be remembered as his finestThe theme of the sermon was Duty--the Christian's duty to the Lord, the servant's duty to his master, the child's duty to the parent.. Lady Catherine listened much like a teacher would to a student's recitation. Mrs. Jenkinson listened with feelings of victory. Anne listened for instruction and received it.

Anne returned home humbled, and smiled as she thought ofhow brave her friend was and how ill suited she would be to life as a parson's wife. She even allowed herself a giggle as she envisioned him with his disfigured visage. We shall remain friends she thought with a sigh.

After service Mr. Collins retired to his book room, took pen to hand and wrote:

Part 20

Hunsford, near Westerham, Kent
15th Oct

Dear Sir:

The disagreement subsisting between yourself and my late honored father always gave me great uneasiness and since I had the misfortune to lose him, I have frequently wished to heal the breach, but for some time I was kept back by my own doubts, fearing least it might seem disrespectful to his memory for me to be on good terms with any one with whom it had always pleased him to be at variance. My mind, however, is now made up on the subject, for having received ordination at Easter, I have been so fortunate as to be distinguished by the patronage of the Right Honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, widow of Sir Lewis de Bourgh, whose bounty and beneficence has preferred me to the valuable rectory of this parish, where it shall be my earnest endeavor to demean myself with grateful respect toward her Ladyship and be ever ready to perform those rites and ceremonies which are instituted by the Church of England. As a clergyman, moreover I flatter myself that my present overtures of goodwill are highly commendable and kindly overlooked on your side, and not lead you to reject the offered olive-branch. I cannot be otherwise than concerned at being the means of injuring your amiable daughters, and beg leave to apologize for it, as well as to assure you of my readiness to make them every possible amends-but of this hereafter. If you should have no objection to receive me into your house, I propose myself the satisfaction of waiting on you and your family, Monday, November 18th, by four o'clock and shall probably trespass on your hospitality till the Saturday se'nnight following which I can do without any inconvenience as Lady Catherine is far from objecting to my occasional absence on a Sunday provided that some other clergyman is engaged to do the duty of the day-I remain, dear sir, with respectful compliments to your lady and daughters, your well-wisher and friend.

He signed the letter, William Bennet Collins

Thus Mr. Collins enters the world of Pride and Prejudice

************

the end

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