Had I Then Had Any Pursuit

Part 1|Part 2|
Part 1: Edward's actions

His sister was unpardonable Edward thought as he entered Norland. The widow and the grieving daughters did not deserve this harsh if not cruel treatment from his sister...to be degraded to the level of visitors at their own home! He refused Fanny's many requests for visits to Norland because he did not believe he could meet the Dashwood ladies with an honest heart. He was painfully embarassed with the numerous communications coming from his sister and avoided giving firm dates until she became quite threatening with her words. And knowing Mrs. John Dashwood as he did, she will carry them out. He dusted the dirt from his traveling cloak and entered the main house of Norland. The estate was lovely and the scene is unparalleled in his unexperienced eyes but there was a hush here that caused one's spirit to plummet instead of soaring. Once again he felt the loss of the father and husband and grieved for the ladies. The servant that greeted him though woke him from his reverie. She was outright hostile to his person and was almost to the point of insolence. Not knowing what he had done to deserve such animosity he quickly (and rightfully) added this anger to his sister's treatment of the staff. Oh Fanny look what you have done! Now the servants even dislike you...

He was led to the right wing and soon gazed into his room. Edward was in some surprise for the room was indeed elegant. However it was without a doubt a lady's room. Turning to the rebellious girl he questioned her, "Why am I here? This room obviously..." "Belonged to Miss Elinor Dashwood until Mrs. Dashwood removed her to another wing. The Ladyship thought you might enjoy the view."

He never heard the word 'ladyship' uttered with such disdain. Grimacing he gazed at the view and it was lovely but this could hardly stand as it was. "I believe Miss Dashwood should return here for it is after all a lady's chamber. Please show me to a room where I would truly feel comfortable staying." The servant gazed at him with piercing eyes but he did not break his stare. Finally satisfied of the gentleman's character the girl led him with greater friendliness to the guest's quarters where a sumptuous room always stood ready for an unexpected visitor. Thanking the servant he ordered a bath and sat down on the bed miserable already and he hasn't seen his sister yet! Fanny chased the sister out of her own room so he can have a view. How could she be related to him? But the truth was how could he be related to his family? If there was ever a case for changeling he was the prime evidence. He was quiet, unintrusive and to be considered tolerable regarding his features. However upon introduction and long acquaintance the gentleman without fail improved himself with his honesty, open and fine affection. Characteristics which vexed Mrs. Ferrars a great deal. His mother and sister were very determined to see him stand a place in history though they did not know how to achieve such distinction and Edward had no desire to comply with their foolishness. So they would have to find consolation with his younger brother and help him to achieve this monumental greatness. His brother Robert was the exact opposite of Edward. Shallow and eternally self-centered the younger brother thought Edward to be totally unacceptable figure in society and mocked his own blood at every occasion the man could grasp. His words were not missed with Edward but the oldest Ferrars had so little care of his younger brother that he didn't spare a thought. But this, to see others being inflicted by his family made him ashamed and penitent though he had done no wrong. The water came and he was glad to be rid of the dust of the road and his more depressing thoughts. Taking the bath and readying his soul to confront Fanny and berate her for her behavior he marched downstairs to see her with determination for an immediate confrontation. However Edward barely got through the first set of stairs before falling and tumbling down the rest. He finally ended at the bottom steps painfully nursing his shoulder. Shocked into silence and glad that no one witnessed his clumsy behavior he turned to find a book laid as a trap in the middle of the stairs. It was a tiny volume of a historical study of the Roman military tactics in Gaul. Confused as to why the volume was on the staircase and not on a shelf somewhere he flipped through the pages to find the owner. He heard a child's voice cry out "That's mine! Give it back!" He turned around immediately regretting the sudden move as his shoulder ached in pain,Edward spotted the loveliest child he had ever seen. She was petite and had incredible eyes to match her rich-colored hair. This must be Margaret he thought and then remembered that the Dashwood ladies are considered great beauties in these parts. If this little girl is any indication of the older ladies' charms they must be very beautiful indeed. However this imp just sent him sprawling down the stairs on every body part of his save his feet and he was in no mood to humor a child's lie. "Young lady I sincerely doubt this book belongs to you. However if you are the person responsible for laying it on the stairs I suggest you put the book where it belongs." His voice was curt and even forboding. The response though was not the one he sought. "You fell didn't you?" she crowed with absolute delight. He stared at the child in shock. If he had broken his neck she would be positively dancing! "But the book is mine!" the child declared again and Edward to prove her wrong flipped through until he saw the inscription "Dear Margaret, I still believe this is not proper reading for a lady but since you requested it I cannot refuse. Happy birthday my dear daughter." He stared at the scribbled writing blushing to his heart. It seemed that he was destined to be the idiot in Norland. Without words he handed the book to her properly humbled by a mere slip of a girl. She noticed his behavior and felt sorry for him. He really wasn't as horrible and terrible as Fanny was. That woman was an absolute witch and until now she thought Edward Ferrars to be a total troll. But this man sitting in front of her still nursing his bruised shoulders looked more like a dejected priest than baby-gobbling monster. In fact he looked positively sad. She sat down next to him and tried to entertain the guest. And Edward appreciating her obvious kindness to his predicament behaved in his usual warm manner and soon won himself a new ally for this battlefield called Norland. Suddenly the girl raised her head like a deer then ran up the stairs quicker than a girl should be capable of. Edward knew the reason for Margaret's disappearance and his conclusion was confirmed when Fanny came through the door from the right. He braced himself in spite of the pain but her sister's surprise look almost made him burst out laughing. "Edward my dear brother what are you doing sitting on the stairs reading a book?" He best decided to not give a reply and manipulated her to an empty room. There he gave her his harsh words and judgments as to her awful behavior to the true family of Norland though she bristled. And he continued his lecture until he was sure that she would no longer abuse her privilege in this house. He may not be able to influence this creature but he can still shame her into a more appropriate behavior. Unbeknownst to himself and Fanny Margaret was outside the door listening to the heated argument and enjoying the conversation immensely. Edward Ferrars definitely is not a troll.

Part 2: Edward falls in love

After the heated argument both sides felt awkward when dinner was served. Edward noted with dismal heart that Fanny had already taken the seat reserved for the lady of the house. He saw Mrs. Dashwood's distress at her recent loss and modulated his behavior and voice to inflict the least amount of notice of himself upon the lady. Margaret was a good indication of the sisters' beauties Edward thought. He dare not raise his eyes to them for more than seconds at a glance for both Miss Dashwood and Miss Marianne Dashwood were indeed uncommonly lovely. Marianne should pose for a portrait he thought and knew that such a portrait would make the artist famous in London if not Paris. But Marianne's beauty was frightening to someone like Edward. Such a beautiful girl deserves certain type of gentleman and Edward believed himself so far removed from that crowd that he could not even begin a normal course of conversation with her. What made it even worse was the obvious animosity flowing from the middle daughter though he could hardly blame her indignant and silent protest against the injustice rained on her and her family's head. But the oldest sister treated him with gentle sympathy and her conversation he felt comfortable enough to follow. She neither demanded nor requested information about Town which he felt much gratitude because he simply hated London and tried to spend as much time in the country in order to spend the least in Town. The next day the story of how he refused to oust Miss Dashwood from her room circled the estate and even Marianne forgave his unfortunate connection to his sister. A fact Elinor wisely reminded Marianne that he could not be justly blamed for!

For the first time in Edward's adult life he was happy spending time visiting Fanny though she was the last reason for his happiness. He met with Mrs. Dashwood and in such occasions showed such consideration and care to the grieving lady that the mother slowly severed his connection with Fanny. An act that was indeed kind for Fanny was growing more intolerable every day.

And the lady soon grew fond of the soft-spoken and amiable brother Edward. Elinor noticing the goodness of this young gentleman soon accepted his company into hers. So hours were spent in companionable silence or some discussions that to Marianne's mind would be considered dull while it suited to Elinor's and Edward's inclinations perfectly. Margaret who declared Edward her Partner because she saw him first took certain time to play with him and to the Dashwood ladies unending amusement the young gentleman complied in every game often bringing out unplanned laughter from every witness. Even John Dashwood was greatly amused by Edward and Margaret and was sincerely grateful with the gentleman's presence in Norland. Margaret never told anyone of the argument she witnessed between the brother and sister though she knew that such message could bring only good opinions of 'Dear Edward' as she named him. Even the servants saw the clear difference between Fanny who was not the lady of the house (no matter where she sat at the dinner table) and her older brother. And treated him with the respect that he deserved, which meant a hot cup of tea at the best moments and the choice of cake when served. All these preferential treatments with such congenial company and in a setting such as Norland would bring complete happiness to a simple soul as Edward and the young man reveled in it. But what delighted him most was when Miss Elinor Dashwood sought his company and it pleased him deeply to hear her voice call his name. This was followed by even more pleasant interlude of walking the grounds and gardens of Norland or even a cozy chat with the lady. What he did not realize was that such happiness would be gotten sitting on a field in a rain storm outside of Bristol as long as Miss Elinor Dashwood would accompany him. That such love would present itself to Edward Ferrars was inconceivable to the young gentleman because he himself have never been in love until his time with Miss Elinor Dashwood. He certainly had no knowledge of such feelings growing up in his household and witnessed even less in the society that he was forced to circle in. Thus he was never aware that what he felt for the oldest Dashwood sister was and indeed recognized as love. And this lack of training would make him indeed blind to such feelings reciprocated by anyone unless the lady went to her knees and declared her emotions. But he was happy and vastly contented with his present predicament save for Fanny's presence in his awaking hours in Norland. But the others were not as naive and it was Mrs. Dashwood who saw the mutual affection between her oldest and Mr. Edward Ferrars. She was indeed happy in this match for he was to her judgment a kind and gentle young man that suited her daughter's tastes to a great degree. And his treatment of her person and her daughters could never be faulted. His patience with Margaret's constant antics, his endearing awkwardness with Marianne all pointed towards a character that Mrs. Dashwood could like and respect. And she trusted her Elinor's judgment above all for this daughter had intelligence bred with control and wisdom that the mother knew she herself lacked to a degree. This secluded bit of haven was to break apart in the next few weeks for Edward.

Part 3: Edward accepts

Edward sat by himself in the sitting parlor deep into the night finally acknowledging what was so heavily occupying his mind. Earlier that day Elinor came back with bouquets of flowers for her family and even one for her brother John Dashwood but none for Edward and this lack of token stung him deeply. Of couse such offerings were totally unacceptable for a single lady to give to a gentleman such as himself but as he sat there with the Dashwood ladies he felt his heart bend itself as she handed those lovely presents to everyone, dimishing the group until none was left and his hands still empty. A silly trifle, but an expression of tender love and eloquent gift for which Edward was rightfully deprived. He could not believe the length it disappointed him and the sadness he felt when he saw her hand the last collection of posies, roses and forget-me-nots to Margaret and not even a single daisy left for himself. There he finally realized to what great degree Miss Elinor Dashwood influenced his happiness. And how foolish he was to dream that she would reciprocate a sliver of that tender emotion called love. She was a beautiful, cultured and talented lady carved with wit, intelligence and general kindness. Such a lady deserved a man far better than he and could not love such an ordinary man like himself. After all, does he have wit of conversation or fashion? Would he recognize a verse from Cowper or even the delicate sketches that are in such fashion now-a-days? However he could hold no animosity against Elinor for her exceedingly good treatment of himself in Norland negated any ill feelings of rejection and disappointment he might claim. In fact the fault laid on his feet alone for he was the fool that trounced in the court thinking the Queen might love him. She never encouraged him nor gave him false hopes leading him astray but she gave him something precious that no one else had ever thought to bestow upon his humble person. She granted him the knowledge of true love, a feeling so delicate in its existence yet fierce in its fight for life that overwhelmed his whole being when he was in the presence of Miss Dashwood. Edward was happy when she was, he was contented when she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sun. When she delighted in a passage in some work he invariably found himself moved by the same words. He found his heart's true rhythm here in Norland and the lady did not even know it. Over weeks she quietly became the focus of his whole being and he would risk the wrath of his own mother's adamant disapproval of such a match should he have believed that the lady could return his emotions. But he firmly thought that such a lady could never look at him with an eye more than friendship and pity. It was his heart that he risked alone here and his alone will break when their time is over. But the emotion was so sweet and genuine that Edward was willing to bear the great pain and regret of loss for one more day in her presence. Then he thought of Lucy. And her shortcomings when compared to Elinor Dashwood's person were so great that he blushed to think himself engaged to that girl. He was nineteen and easily flattered and Lucy did confess almost on her knees how much his love meant to her and he believed her to tell the truth. But when compared to this relationship of only friendship to Miss Dashwood and the 'violent love' he was suppose to be feeling for Lucy the truth came to him with a painful force. He felt pleasant around the girl while with Miss Dashwood he felt complete. That he could never turn his back to Miss Elinor Dashwood to make Lucy Steele happy. This was true love and not the trifle he shared with Lucy Steele. But it was hardly just to condemn the girl of the same stupidity that he was guilty of. She might love him with the same strong emotion as he does for Miss Dashwood and Lucy might hang to his words with the same desperation that he felt towards Miss Elinor Dashwood. But unlike the honorable lady he led Lucy to believe that he felt the same! The shame of such blatant lie and to fool another because he was so naive and ill-judged made him deeply ashamed. But even in that regret he felt the strength of his emotion towards Miss Dashwood and did not deny it entrance to his thoughts. He did not sleep the rest of the night and came to decision as the servants bustled about. While he was here in Norland and Miss Dashwood was present he could indulge in just a bit of his heart's desire. To taste little of what will be denied to him for his whole entire career could not be a sin! If he had known that Miss Dashwood did save a rose intended for him but at the last moment fearing of betraying too much kept it in her basket hidden from his view and that it rested within her favorite novel Edward Ferrars would have completed any task necessary to insure his happiness with her.

That very afternnon Miss Dashwood was making a pencil sketch of her sister's exquisite head and showed him her finished work. He admired it but unfortunately his words were lacking the ornate description the model desired and he was soon silenced by Marianne's romantic phrases. Feeling embarassed as he always did around someone so strong-natured as Marianne he soon thought he insulted the artist, the model and the whole audience. Excusing himself he barely made it out of the sitting room in dignity. Elinor was much vexed for he was her next model but she suffered her disappointment in silence. Later when he returned the ladies had taken a walk in the gardens and he flipped through the many portraits Miss Dashwood had done. Her drawing hand was fine indeed and he really did appreciate her talent. As he admired her work he found in the last pages of the collection a sketch done to her likeness. It was complete though lacked color but to Edward it was perfect. Without thinking and violating every social code he ripped that sketch of Miss Elinor Dashwood out and folded it with care into his pocket. He had no rememberances of her save what was in his mind and heart, surely fate would not hold a grudge if he had one small thing to hold him by when he was alone again. He stared through the rest of the sketches and admired her work in silence. If he turned his head towards the door left ajar he would have seen the pale and furious face of his sister Fanny.

Part 4: The Dashwoods Leave...

Fanny could not contain her anger so she entered her chamber with some speed. How dare he? He is the oldest of the Ferrars children and will inherit everything! The name, the money and the honor! And to foolishly attach himself to that girl Elinor whose family has but 500 a year! Fanny had conveniently forgotten that she was the cause of that particular sad situation of the Dashwood ladies. She could barely tolerate the connection to such low society and will not under any chance have one of them marry her brother. It was insupportable!

The sister then immediately dispatched a letter to her mother giving hints of the going-ons in Norland knowing the response will be damning and permanent. Meanwhile she will have to make sure Edward's exposure to Elinor Dashwood's presence is to be kept under close scrutiny. Set in her mind she went to Edward's room and saw that its occupant was elsewhere. He was so simple sometimes she thought as she reached for his leather case and immediately discovered the sketch. Placing it inside the case again she made sure her presence was not noticed in the room and left furtively.

However she was not as good as the Master Spy of Norland and Margaret was watching with some curiosity. The girl also took a glance in the bag and saw the sketch to her great delight. Placing it in the bag as the previous violater had done Margaret ran to her room and planned furiously in her young mind. The Witch must be defeated though Margaret had no clue as to why Fanny did what she did. But she wanted adventure and this was her grand chance to not only have one but wreck havoc upon Fanny Dashwood, a great treat and a noble cause indeed!

No one else even Edward was aware of the great intrigue going on in Norland and Margaret never told her family what had expired that day. Fanny began to request her brother's presence more and more in her private company using the excuses of remodeling the estate and family matters. However she asked with great politeness and sincerity so much that Edward truly believed she needed his personal opinion and guidance. Being a good older brother the young gentleman fulfilled her wishes and soon his time with Elinor began to diminish. Elinor Dashwood being too much of a lady and seeing the brother and sister together did not question the change in Edward Ferrar's attitude towards her and kept quiet though it distressed her deeply. She had silently formed an attachment to the gentleman and missed his obliging company with every passing hour.

Mrs. Dashwood was hopeful even then that the two might come together in the end and form a happy pair. She was thinking such happy thoughts by herself in the sitting room when Fanny entered.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Dashwood. That is a lovely piece of work you have there. I do wish I could sew like that but my fingers have never been obliging enough to my taste."

Surprised and wary at Fanny's kind tone Mrs. Dashwood gave a

glance towards her daughter-in-law. The lady took that as an invitation and gracefully sat down to continue her conversation.

"But dear Edward is truly talented and I am more than content to be lacking in much personal success when I have a brother such as him." Mrs. Dashwood did give a kind smile then and complimented the sister even though she never personally witnessed any spectacular facets of Edward's character, save that he was the extreme opposite of his sister.

"And I worry for him so! Oh Mrs. Dashwood be grateful you do not have a son! My mother and I worry every waking day that he would fall into some woman's hands! The kind that would grab him and charm him because he is the first and to inherit the most. Such vile creatures do exist you know though I'm sure your time at Norland prevented you from seeing such evil. But those women are out there and will do their most cunning to draw him in."

Mrs. Dashwood felt her blood freeze. That wicked creature was damning Elinor in front of me! How dare she? How dare she speak of my most lovely and gentle daughter in this vile manner! All pretense was thrown out by this emotional mother and she raised those dark eyes to Fanny and the lady felt herself suddenly in fear as she saw those mother's eyes aim at her with unconcealed venom.

But the sister continued, "However my mother and I are quite determined to marry him well. London is filled with the most accomplished ladies who will do his reputation justice. And whose talents and achievements will equal his. Yes, we are quite determined Mrs. Dashwood." The two women now faced each other in full confrontation both determined to win this war.

"I do understand your fear Dear Fanny for I too know of women who care too much for rank and reputation. And who are willing to sacrifice everything and everyone in order to achieve certain status in society. However those women are foolish and not worth a drop of consideration for they are vain and selfish creatures who in good society are seen as such and be shunned. They may not be told that they are viewed with such contempt and disapproval but fear not. In good and honorable company they are considered the truly lowest of the low. I know Edward is wise and kind so he is quite safe. And I am sure he is well aware of such designs and will shun them if they ever brush against his person. Oh dear, I think that's Margaret running in the garden. Please, excuse me." Her voice never shook and her tone was deep and commanding. And when she left to walk her temper out in the garden Fanny was left in total anger and frustration.

Mrs. Dashwood was now determined to remove Elinor from such unpleasant person and society. No matter what it costed she will take her family elsewhere. Oh wretched Fanny!

A letter arrived for Edward the very next day and it was indeed a harshly worded summons from his mother. Fanny, happy to see his distress was determined to chase him out of Norland that very afternoon. "Edward! Mother calls you and she needs you by her side. There is nothing here you can do now so go to her and keep her company. Perhaps you can even now meet that Miss. Morton!" Her tone was most friendly, even cooing but it did not fool Edward.

He stared at her and realized it was all planned. Fanny never needed him. What a fool he was. She only deprived him of Elinor's company and was probably the cause behind this letter from mother. Damn her. Damn the whole family to reduce him to this wretched pawn in their constant conquest to earn fame and title. And damn himself for letting them weave their marionette strings around his person. I could have spent hours with Elinor he thought ignoring his sister completely. I could have earned myself some more happy memories! Instead they were stolen from me by my own sister and now I am forced to go to London.

"Mother can wait Fanny. She always throws these tantrums then calms herself within few days. I do not know the cause of this latest temper but I do not wish to be in her presence until she is of more suitable company." His voice did not hide his contempt at her and her designs.

"Edward, the Dashwood ladies are not of proper company..."

"Never speak their names in front of me Fanny. They are truly not our company for they stand above us in such manner that we may never be able to raise ourselves to their level! And take care for John would not totally approve of your opinions and I would hate to see any discord between the two of you. Especially since you are a Dashwood and now the mistress of Norland." His threat was clear and his temper was visible. Fanny in fear of being outnumbered and erupting her brother's fury (which she had never witnessed) closed her tongue and dropped her gaze. Edward turned abruptly and left her there alone.

Barely controling his gasps he walked around the garden again and again like a horse in training and muttered words not suited for polite ears. He knew he had to leave and within days but until then Fanny would disappear from his company. He did not know that a letter came that very day for Mrs. Dashwood from her cousin Sir John Middleton. The gentleman wrote to offer her a cottage on his estate for the Dashwood's use and the mother still suffering under the argument with Fanny immediately dispatched a letter of gratitude and acceptance of the offer. The sisters were told of her decision and by dinner time the mother had the great joy of transferring the information to the rest. Everyone was stunned most of all Edward. To have his plans foiled so quickly and by Mrs. Dashwood!

John exclaimed "Devonshire! Are you, indeed, going there? So far from hence! and to what part of it?"

"It is but a cottage," the mother explained, "but I hope to see many of my friends in it. A room or two can easily be added; and if my friends find no difficulty in travelling so far to see me, I am sure I will find none in accommodating them."

Mrs. Dashwood did offer an invitation of visits towards John and his wife but knew that the lady will never visit them and was personally glad of the lack of enthusiasm in Fanny's voice.

Elinor refused to give a glance towards Edward in fear that her distress would surface but her mother noting her oldest's discomfort turned to Edward. "Dear Edward, please come by and visit us as often as you wish. Your company is held dear by all of us and though we knew you for so little time we hope to grow much fondness with you when we are in Barton." The offer was genuine and truly kind. Edward felt his eyes sting for the goodness of it and in spite of his sister's furious glances he accepted the offer with a grateful heart.

The next day the Dashwoods began packing articles in their possession. Fanny was watching this with great interest and mused sadly at her brother, "Marianne is taking that pianoforte. How sad, I mean Edward why would they need such a lovely article of furniture for where they are going?" He did not even give that indecent thought the good grace of a reply.

Edward in the spirit of absence began to pack his own and Fanny could not be more delighted. When she knew that he was done packing and absent from his room she trespassed one more time and on this occasion took his beloved sketch from the bag. He will not need this thing while he is in London. And it would be best if he forgot all about Elinor for Mother will make sure he never leaves her sight again! She went downstairs and threw it in the fireplace for servants to sweep up in the morning.

The Master Spy of Norland was quite aware of what Fanny was up to and in spite of all the excitement around her the girl was greatly focused on the quest to foil Fanny's actions. She was watching Fanny from the great tree, the servants' stairs and behind secret doors from the first time she saw Fanny remove that sketch of Elinor from Edward's belongings. And now it was time for action! She dusted the sketch and made sure there was no damage to the paper. Then she ran up the staircase and into Edward's room before anyone noticed her peculiar behavior. Margaret immediately placed it in its original container and this time took the servants' stairs to the sitting parlor and no one was the wiser.

The Dashwood ladies left in two weeks and Edward also left that afternoon. His farewell to his brother was genuine but it was very awkward for him to feel anything but relief to be out of Fanny's grasp. As his carriage wheeled to London under his constant disapproval he gazed at that sketch the whole length of the trip.

Edward did not know how he will accomplish this but he was most determined to visit Barton Park.

Part 5 -- Returning to Lucy Steele

After months of staying by his mother's side Edward performed the difficult task of not being married off nor joining the legal profession. The mother was greatly vexed at this and was frustrated enough to send him out of her sight which was his primary goal. He dutifully visited Norland but left the place in short time for he knew what he had to do. He immediately set out for Longstaple and Miss Lucy Steele. Edward was welcomed with simple cordiality by Mr. Pratt and once again felt guilty of the deception he was practicing upon this man. However when he saw Lucy approach him he felt a new batch of that miserable emotion. She was pretty enough girl, plain but vivacious. And in his youth he was captivated by it and her absolute love that she declared was his alone. But now between them stood his memory of Miss Elinor Dashwood and she misted over the real form of his undeclared fiance.

Lucy Steele stared at him and immediately knew there was a change. His eyes saw her but he was somewhere else. Their whole conversation was not only dull but awkward for Edward was distracted by something he would not name and Lucy began to fear.

And Lucy Steele hated fear. But She hated the uncertainties in life more. Thus her whole life's goal was to procure solidity that can only be achieved by marrying well. Four years ago Edward came into her life and she saw that precious chance. Not losing a moment and knowing the full extent of the young gentleman's weaknesses she used the perfect words, the exact attitude and flattery to win an engagement from him. Even though she was frustrated at waiting so long she knew that he could stand to lose his inheritance from his mother if she ever found out about their attachment. So Lucy waited patiently while she believed Edward was working to soften his family's opinion of her. And she was confidant that when she was introduced she would with constant work and flattery win the Ferrars to her person. She could not fail. She must not fail.

But that afternoon left her greatly disturbed and she was determined to discover what had stolen Edward's attentions away from her. The next evening Edward dined with them and the conversation turned towards Norland and his sister's new status.

The uncle inquired about the Dashwood ladies and within four sentences Lucy Steele knew what had taken Edward's attentions.

Miss Elinor Dashwood seemed by all his accounts the most beautiful, acoomplished and intelligent lady who is also a talented artist. Lucy betrayed no emotions and sat there as pleasant as she always pretended to be. But her smiles never reached her eyes and her gentle words held an edge. If Edward was not so taken by the subject of the conversation he would have realized this but Miss Elinor Dashwood's power over him was complete. And Lucy at the end of the meal also recognized this fact.

She ascertained the whereabouts of the Dashwood ladies and was already aware of her distant relations to one Mrs. Jennings who was the mother of Lady Middleton, the mistress of Barton Park located four miles from Exeter. Now she must procure some invitations to visit Barton Park and end Miss Elinor Dashwood's connections to Edward. It did not matter whether the lady reciprocated any feelings towards Edward. Lucy must damage whatever was between the two to the point that neither can return to their original feelings for each other. When this was achieved then and only then can the girl feel some security again.

The days passed pleasantly enough but Edward felt the lack throughout his whole time at Longstaple and could bear it no longer. He sought out Lucy and sat with her in the garden.

"Lucy I cannot even begin to express my sorrow at the current situation we are in. I am ashamed to have held onto you as such..."

"Oh dear Edward do not fret so. I love you beyond any consideration I have for myself and I have complete faith in you to do the best thing for all of us." She whispered to him in all her sincerity and vulgarity of emotions.

Edward heard the excess in her tone and blanched. It no longer rose any other emotion from him then wonder that he ever felt enough to engage himself to this girl. "But I must confess Lucy I cannot for all my tries see how to make this pass...I am finding my family's resolution for me to marry a lady of note quite determined. In spite of all my protests and pleas they are not heeding one word. Lucy, should you wish to be free from our engagement please do not hesitate to declare such. I cannot in good faith keep your hopes when I have so little." And L-rd help me he thought I have no hope to marry anyone but the one who will never be mine.

"Do you not love me anymore Edward? If this is why you are doing this then at least be honest while you're breaking my heart. I have never waivered and never faltered in my devotion to you! But if you feel that you can never be..." she ended in a sob.

"Dear Lucy, it's not love. My family's will is unbreakable and unless I dissolve all my connections with them I cannot see a way where we may marry." He could not bring himself to tell her he no longer loved her and never did. She gently took his hand and placed a ring on his finger. It contained a curl of her hair. He was shocked.

"Take this for me Edward and think of me. Know that I will never abandon you no matter what may come to pass. I will wait for you my dearest for you are that my darling friend. Go and do what you must but whatever happens, please tell me with your own words for I rather hear it from you than from some ugly gossip."

She left him sitting there in the garden knowing what torment she had caused upon his very soul. She immediately began to plan her excursion to Exeter when she entered the house.

Edward left two hours later his person torn with what he wished and what was his duty towards Lucy. And in that black mood Edward was riding to London when suddenly he changed his mind. He ordered the carriage to turn and head for Barton Park. He could not quiet his mind and desired to gaze upon that fair face again to determine if she did indeed feel anything for him or was he damning his soul for a wishful thinking?

He rested his carriage in a nearby village and rode to what was the directions given to Barton Cottage when he spied two familiar figures walking on the lane. Part of him wished to flee right at that moment but the other rejoiced in somber happiness at the familiar gait. Suddenly one figure began to run towards him and he stopped to dismount from his ride to great Miss Dashwood. But the figure was not Elinor for it was Marianne who greeted him with real enthusiasm. While Elinor stood back and watched this reunion Edward felt his heart quietly die within his chest. And this time even his cordial and kind manner could not hide his disappointment.

He fervently wished he practiced self-control in Norland for the pain he felt was too much. Miss Dashwood's manner can not be faulted and her greetings to him were warm and genuine but there was a distance that was not in existence in Norland. And how could he expect it to be the same? How could he in all fairness hope that he would see love from her when there never was on her side? It was all in his imagination from Norland to Longstaple. But no more for he saw the pained truth in front of him proven real by her manners and words. Even Marianne seemed more genuinely happy to see him than Elinor and he fell into silence and quiet despair over this. However Marianne began to quickly question him about his whereabouts for the last few weeks and was stunned to find that he was in Devonshire for a while.

"A fortnight!" She cried out when he told her the truth and Edward immediately began to regret it. He mentioned his stay in Plymouth and was distressed that she might ask for more information. The spectre of Lucy Steele would be too much for him to bear at that moment.

"Have you been lately in Sussex?" Elinor asked in her fine voice.

"I was at Norland about a month ago." And he dearly wished they were still there as they had been and what seemed now to him like a delusion of a fevered man.

"And how does dear, dear Norland look?" Marianne asked passionately.

"Dear, dear Norland probably looks much as it always does at this time of the year. The woods and walks thickly covered with dead leaves." Even deep in his anguish he heard the gentle laughter in her words and could not help but smile a little.

"Oh! With what transporting sensation have I formerly seen them fall! How have I delighted, as I walked, to see them driven in showers about me by the wind! What feelings have they, the season, the air altogether inspired! Now there is no one to regard them. They are seen only as a nuisance, swept hastily off,

and driven as much as possible from the sight." Edward was partially surprised that anyone could have such romantic feelings for dead leaves but he was well aware of Marianne's passions and her inability control them.

"It is not every one who has your passion for dead leaves."

Obviously Elinor was also quite well aware of this fault.

"No; my feelings are not often shared, not often understood. But sometimes they are. Now, Edward,here is Barton Valley. Look up it, and be tranquil if you can. Look at those hills. Did you ever see their equals? To the left is Barton Park, amongst those woods and plantations. You may see the end of the house. And there, beneath that farthest hill, which rises with such grandour, is our cottage." He did glance and the scene was pretty but somehow he could not phrase his words to suit Marianne and his reply once again irked her as they invariably did in Norland.

"It is a beautiful country, but these bottoms must be dirty in winter." As soon as those words fell from his lips he regretted them.

"How can you think of dirt, with such objects before you?" She questioned in a hurt tone.

"Because, among the rest of the objects before me, I see a very dirty lane." He replied with the obvious and was gratified with a smiling look from Elinor.

"How strange!" Marianne commented not understanding how Edward could feel so little with Elinor and the magnificent scene before him.

"Have you an agreeable neighbourhood here? Are the Middletons pleasant people?" He queried.

The answer was brutal and direct. "No, not all. We could not be more unfortunately situated."

"Marianne! How can you say so? How can you be so unjust? They are a very respectable family, Mr. Ferrars; and towards us have behaved in the friendliest manner. Have you forgot, Marianne, how many pleasant days we have owed to them?" Elinor lectured her in all seriousness.

"No. Nor how many painful moments." Marianne mumbled. And the party became awkward again for the whole group was laboring under their own unhappiness whose relief seemed nowhere to be found.

Part 6 -- Barton Cottage

The three made an uncomfortable group to the cottage where Mrs. Dashwood received Edward with a welcome though she was very surprised at his appearance. She immediately began to treat him with the sweet and genuine care that she once had in Norland and Edward was glad to see it. His heart was still desperately struggling with his sense of honor but Mrs. Dashwood's unwaving kindness to him soon made him feel genuinely welcomed in Barton Cottage. Elinor and Marianne seeing him thaw quickly saw the man they once knew with great familiarity in Norland and Elinor welcomed him again with her own heart. Margaret knew that something was amiss when she greeted him but wisely kept her voice silent. Her mother scolded her only a day before that unless a lady has something proper to say, she best discuss the subject of the weather.

Dinner was a simple fare but the company made the meal the most enjoyable one Edward had in a long time. "What are Mrs. Ferrars's views for you at present, Edward? Are you still to be a great orator in spite of yourself?" Questionned Mrs. Dashwood convinced that his mother was responsible for his trodden spirits. "No. I hope my mother is now convinced that I have no more talents than inclination for a public life." His voice reflected that hard-won truth.

"But how is your fame to be established? for famous you must be to satisfy all your family; and with no inclination for expense, no affection for expense, no affection for strangers, no profession, and no assurance, you may find it a difficult matter." Her question was sharp but the edges were blunted with her obvious humor and he could not help but smile in return.

"I shall not attempt it. I have no wish to be distinguished; and have every reason to hope I never shall. Thank Heaven! I cannot be forced into genius and eloquence." There he said it. Revealed how plain a man he was and his ambitions to be even less.

"You have no ambition, I well know. Your wishes are all moderate." Mrs. Dashwood still teased him in her warm tone.

"As moderate as those of the rest of the world, I believe. I wish, as well as every body else, to be perfectly happy; but, like every body else, it must be in my own way. Greatness will not make me so."

He found the most unlikely ally in that statement as Marianne agreed with him. "Strange that it would! What have wealth or grandeur to do with happiness?"

"Grandeur has but little,but wealth has much to do with it." The wise Elinor gently corrected Marianne.

Her sister's response was immediate and with her usual passion. "Elinor, for shame! Money can only give happiness where there is nothing else to give it. Beyond a competence, it can afford no real satisfaction, as far as mere self is concerned."

"Perhaps, we may come to the same point. Your competence and my wealth are very much alike, I dare say; and without them, as the world goes now, we shall both agree that every kind of external comfort must be wanting. Your ideas are only more noble than mine. Come, what is your competence?" Edward realized that he was no longer even calculated in this conversation so he made himself comfortable to see the two sisters battle each other. He was also very curious about Miss Dashwood's statement regarding money and happiness.

"About eighteen hundred or two thousand a year; not more than that." Edward was surprised at the large sum and his eyebrows rose high on his face. Margaret had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from laughing at his expression.

"Two thousand a year! One is my wealth! I guessed how it would end." Elinor was indeed amused with her sister's calculation!

"And yet two thousand a year is a very moderate income. A family cannot well be maintained on a smaller. I am sure I am not extravagant in my demands. A proper establishment of servants, a carriage, perhaps two, and hunters, cannot be supported on less." Marianne was of course thinking of Willoughby and Combe Magna. And her sister knew that very clearly.

"Hunters! But why must you have hunters? Every body does not hunt." Edward asked with puzzlement for he knew neither sisters hunted. "But most people do" was the curt reply from Marianne and Edward dismissed the subject.

Margaret could be ignored no longer. "I wish that somebody would give us all a large fortune apiece!" "Oh that they would!" joined in Marianne and Edward once again smiled at this amusing folly of thought.

"We are all unanimous in that wish, I suppose, in spite of the insufficiency of wealth." Added Elinor. Edward wished it also for his mother would be more easily persuaded if Miss Dashwood came with 50,000 pounds. However thought was too dangerous for him to hold so he dismissed it from his starving heart.

"Oh dear! How happy I should be! I wonder what I should do with it!" Piped the littlest Dashwood. You would probably buy a large ship and hire a crew to rob Spain and Italy of its seafaring transports declared Edward silently.

"I should be puzzled to spend so large a fortune myself if my children were all to be rich my help." Mrs. Dashwood joined in but Elinor answered her question for her. "You must begin your improvements on this house, and your difficulties will soon vanish."

He was in much better humor than that morning so he decided to tease this silly but endearing line of thought. "What magnificent orders would travel from this family to London! In such an event! What a happy day for booksellers, music-sellers, and print-shops! You, Miss Dashwood, would give a general commission for every new print of merit to be sent you- and as for Marianne, I know her greatness of soul, there would not be music enough in London to content her. And books!- Thomson, Cowper, Scott- she would buy them all over and over again: she would buy up every copy, I believe, to prevent their falling into unworthy hands; and she would have every book that tells her how to admire an old twisted tree. Should not you, Marianne? Forgive me, if I am very saucy. But I was willing to show you that I had not forgot our old disputes." The ladies laughed in earnest at his ridiculous description of their future habits.

"I love to be reminded of the past, Edward- whether it be melancholy or gay, I love to recall it- and you will never offend me by talking of former times. You are very right in supposing how my money would be spent- some of it, at least- my loose cash would certainly be employed in improving my collection of music and books." Marianne did enjoy his company when he is in such a gay mood and not as dull as he usually want to be. His wit though repressed certainly did have that liveliness she admired.

And Marianne once again was happy for Elinor and their earlier walk was all but forgotten.

"And the bulk of your fortune would be laid out in annuities on the authors or their heirs," continued Edward boldly.

"No, Edward, I should have something else to do with it."

"Perhaps, then, you would bestow it as a reward on that person who wrote the ablest defence of your favourite maxim, that no one can ever be in love more than once in their life- your opinion on that point is unchanged, I presume?"

"Undoubtedly. At my time of life opinions are tolerably fixed.

It is not likely that I should now see or hear any thing to change them." She indeed held firm to that idea!

"Marianne is as steadfast as ever, you see. She is not at all altered." Elinor remarked the exact opposite of her sister's true nature.

"She is only grown a little more grave than she was."

"Nay, Edward, you need not reproach me. You are not very gay yourself." Marianne defended her emotions with vigor.

"Why should you think so? But gaiety never was a part of my character." Edward confessed with a real sigh.

"Nor do I think it a part of Marianne's. I should hardly call her a lively girl- she is very earnest, very eager in all she does- sometimes talks a great deal, and always with animation-

but she is not often really merry." Elinor's comment surprised Edward and he turned to her. "I believe you are right. And yet I have always set her down as a lively girl."

"I have frequently detected myself in such kind of mistakes. In a total misapprehension of character in some point or other: fancying people so much more gay or grave, or ingenious or stupid, than they really are, and I can hardly tell why, or in what the deception originated. Sometimes one is guided by what they say of themselves, and very frequently by what other people say of them, without giving one's self time to deliberate and judge." Somehow Edward thought Elinor's character could never make that kind of erroneous assumption.

"But I thought it was right, Elinor to be guided wholly by the opinion of other people. I thought our judgments were given us merely to be subservient to those of neighbours. This has always been your doctrine, I am sure."

"No, Marianne, never. My doctrine has never aimed at the subjection of the understanding. All I have ever attempted to. influence has been the behaviour. You must not confound my meaning. I am guilty, I confess, of having often wished you to treat our acquaintance in general with greater attention; but when have I advised you to adopt their sentiments or to conform to their judgment in serious matters?"

"You have not been able, then, to bring your sister over to your plan of general civility. Do you gain no ground?" Inquired Edward for he was always curious as to the vast differences between the sisters' characters.

"Quite the contrary." Replied Elinor.

"My judgment is all on your side of the question; but I am afraid my practice is much more on your sister's. I never wish to offend, but I am so foolishly shy, that I often seem negligent, when I am only kept back by my natural awkwardness. I have frequently thought that I must have been intended by nature to be fond of low company, I am so little at my ease among strangers of gentility!" His voice lost all its teasing tone and the Dashwood ladies were pained to hear him speak of himself so lowly.

"Marianne has not shyness to excuse any inattention of hers." Elinor wanted to turn the conversation but she failed and Edward continued. "She knows her own worth too well for false shame. Shyness is only the effect of a sense of inferiority in some way or other. If I could persuade myself that my manners were perfectly easy and graceful, I should not be shy." Even Marianne wanted this conversation to end. "But you would still be reserved,and that is worse."

"Reserved! Am I reserved, Marianne?" Edward cried out.

"Yes, very." She responded promptly and Edward began to blush.

"I do not understand you. Reserved!- how, in what manner? What am I to tell you? What can you suppose?"

"Do not you know my sister well enough to understand what she means? Do not you know she calls every one reserved who does not talk as fast, and admire what she admires as rapturously as herself?" Elinor queried attempting valiantly to bring the humor back into the conversation but Edward could not successfully join her in her attempts. In fact his sad mood stayed with him for a while confusing everyone and wounding Elinor. However the next morning Edward was in a better mood after his walk and he once again began to converse with the ease he had in Norland. This all ended when Marianne unwittingly made some remarks during tea.

"I never saw you wear a ring before, Edward. Is that Fanny's hair? I remember her promising to give you some. But I should have thought her hair had been darker." Edward felt his heart stop and his face began to blush furiously. The Dashwood ladies saw this transformation and Marianne was truly unhappy to have mentioned the embarassing jewelry.

"Yes; it is my sister's hair. The setting always casts a different shade on it, you know." He hated the lie but he hated more the spectre of Lucy rising again in front of him. He was happy here in Barton Cottage for the place enveloped him and made him invisible to all the machinations in the outside world. But when Marianne mentioned the ring the sanctuary wall came down and Edward was once again exposed to the unpleasant dealings in his life. However he stayed one week and was a pleasant companion to the Dashwoods in spite of his sad humor. And when he left for London his despair of leaving Elinor's presence once again overcame his facade and attitude. Edward decided that he must somehow deal and resolve his current desperate predicament. Upon his arrival he immediately sought out his best friend in London, Lord Benton.

************

Continued in Part 2

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