Its very difficult to express where I am coming from regarding Elinor without relating a bit of my own experience. I too, like Elinor, have learned over the years to "govern" my feelings. I don't burden my family with my problems because they have too many issues of their own. If my husband is unwilling to listen I don't bother speaking to him about it. If I feel uncomfortable about something I examine my personal motivations and eventually convince myself that its just me...

This type of self-governance takes its toll over the years. Often people take advantage of your good humour and good graces. And the stress of unexpressed issues and trying to solve everything on your own because others are "not helpful" often creates emotional and even physical problems.

I am too old to "unlearn" my behaviour. And I wonder if JA was too young when she wrote S&S to understand the impact of emotions "always under good regulation".