] even though she is a far worthier match for him (in terms of social status) than Lucy.

...on behalf of Elinor. She's a worthier match in far more than just social status. There's intellect, character, personality, and humor, (to name just a few), that make Elinor a vastly superior match for Edward than Lucy, irregardless of social status.

Still, your main point is correct. It must torture Elinor to believe that these are the methods needed to be accepted by Edward's family as his wife. And if she goes into the family without such cowtowing, she's already had a glimpse of how the in-laws will treat her, (though I think her experiences so far have been mild compared to what they could be if an attachment were announced.)