] "From their counsel or their conversation she knew she could receive no assistance; their tenderness and sorrow must add to her distress, while her self-command would neither receive encouragement from their example nor from their praise. She was stronger alone..."

I relate to Elinor a great deal. I have a mother somewhat like Mrs. Dashwood. Not that my mother is not a sensible woman but that she is overly emotional and instead of enterring into problem-solving, reacts emotionally first and foremost.

And I understand why Elinor would say she is "stronger alone". She knows that if her mother knew the truth she would be so upset and so distressed with the news that instead of helping Elinor deal with her disappointment, Elinor would end up having to help her mother get over her own pain!

(It's like having to deal with a husband in the delivery room who faints at the first sight of blood!)

] But Mrs. Dashwood! how much emotional neglect does one have to inflict on a child to teach her that asking for sympathy will only make things worse and she's better off shutting you out?

It isn't "emotional neglect". Instead it's a sort of self-centeredness. Self-centered people are not always bad people. In fact Mrs. Dashwood and her daughter are both loving and generous. But they don't understand other temperments. They assume everyone feels and reacts the same way they do and cannot relate to other approaches.