] I think that Tom was JA's first, and perhaps only, love.

Absolutely!

] As far as Tom's suffering a little because of his family's disapproval, I believe it was only a couple of years later that
he married the wealthy sister of a close friend in Ireland, and proceeded to have something like 10 children. So it doesn't sound like he suffered much or long.

He survived very well, didn't he?

] I have a different reaction to her letters to C about Tom.(snip) I believe she really may have been broken-hearted but was being flippant to hide her real feelings.

Of course she was broken hearted. And I do agree that she created novels instead of families.

The following is a quote from the Lefroy site which Frank was kind enough to post.

'Jane based the character of Mr. Darcy, the hero of Pride and Prejudice on him,(Tom) and on learning of her death Thomas travelled the considerable distance to England to pay his respects .'

Is it true that he traveled to England to pay his respects after her death?....If it is, then it follows that he probably did always keep some deep feelings for Jane. They were, both, after all, the products of the prevalent English or Regency belief that two poor young people in love should never marry. And of course, the unable to marry without affection runs through so much of Jane's writing. She had the courage of her conviction. As a man, he could move on more easily and secure a more suitable(rich) wife.