Both characters have to go through a cycle of self discovery, which means hitting bottom then perhaps rebuilding and rediscovery of the self which matures them to the point where they can cope with the past and move into the future. I think you are right, Margaret, that they would've made a miserable couple if she had accepted him at the first proposal. They wouldn't have been on even ground. Maybe eventually they would've had it out and resolved their issues personally and as a couple, but it is much harder in a marriage, especially in Regency times when the roles were so much more defined.