I always feel for Elizabeth in these passages, including the one at the end of your posting, where she is agonizing over her knowledge (from the letter) in regard to Jane. I think that "balancing the truth with civility" is one of the hallmarks of a true "lady" or a true "gentleman," and extremely difficult to do, sometimes. To consider what will HELP or HURT another, BEFORE what will make US feel better, shows true gracefulness/civility in my opinion, a trait which every lady or gentleman MUST possess.