I think this is another example of JA's brilliant realism. Lady R felt "perpetual provocation" whenever she was in Sir W's house to see "Mrs Clay in such favour, and Anne so overlooked", and it sometiems vexed her even when she was away, but she could not be brooding over it all the time -- she drinks the waters, gets all the new publications, and has a very large acquaintance.

Anne did not allow herself to be vexed at being overlooked by her father and sister -- and while they overlook her, they did not actually chastise her or ill-treat her. Mary in Anne's place would have complained of being ill-used, ignored and neglected.