It hadn't registered until now that this was what was happening here, thanks!

This exchange in chapter 23 reminds me of the real-life situation of JA's beloved sister Cassandra's experience of losing her long-time-betrothed. Surely that loss influenced this passage.

In chapter 21 we have another incident that reminds me of Cassandra. When Mrs. Smith shows Anne the letter from Mr. Elliot, there is a description "... that her [Anne] seeing the letter was a violation of the laws of honour, that no one ought to be judged or to be known by such testimonies, that no private correspondence could bear the eye of others..." Surey this passage influenced Cassandra, after JA's death, to destroy so many of JA's letters. That thought makes me feel better about that sad loss to posterity!