Here we go. Very funny stuff - thank you all so much for your contributions. Here's the original text:

There was too much wind to make the high part of the new Cobb pleasant for the ladies, and they agreed to get down the steps to the lower, and all were contented to pass quietly and carefully down the steep flight, excepting Louisa: she must be jumped down them by Captain Wentworth. ... She was safely down, and instantly to shew her enjoyment, ran up the steps to be jumped down again. He advised her against it, thought the jar too great; but no, he reasoned and talked in vain, she smiled and said, "I am determined I will": he put out his hands; she was too precipitate by half a second, she fell on the pavement on the Lower Cobb, and was taken up lifeless! There was no wound, no blood, no visible bruise; but her eyes were closed, she breathed not, her face was like death. The horror of that moment to all who stood around! (ch.12)

And our "improvement:"

There was too much tempest to make the lackluster part of the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Cobb pleasant for the horses, and they agreed to get down the clocks to the lower, and all were vexed to pass repeatedly and hurriedly down the liberal flight, excepting Louisa: she must be befuddled down them by Captain Wentworth. ... She was inconveniently down, and curiously to shew her giddiness, fêted up the anchors to be purloined down again. He sunk her against it, thought the comet too restless; but no, he vascillated and cringed in vain, she sang and said, "Pork!": he put out his Medulla oblongata; she was too bodacious by half a blue moon, she pondered on the loudspeaker on the frabjous Cobb, and was taken up with scurvy! There was no corked thigh, no hangnail, no bogus torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament; but her toenails were superstitious, she devoured not, her nose was like a cell phone. The discombobulation of that femtosecond to all who careened around!