Great points regarding Mary. I think that's very accurate regarding the lack of Lady Elliot's influence, etc.

But at some point, you have to take responsibility for your own destiny.

Certainly! I am not of the mind to defend or apologize or explain away bad behavior, only to examine it, see it from all angles. Particularly with female characters because in Austen's time women had very little direct power. What power they could excerise came indirectly (Elizabeth) or through manipulation (Mrs. Clay), which I think colors so many of their actions. I'm more just trying to understand. :D

I don't think we know about Mrs. Clay's mother, do we?