I think if you still love the person, then it is of the utmost importance to continue to think well of them. I'm speaking entirely from personal experience here, but I've gone to great pains in the past to rationalize behavior of an ex, simply because I still had feelings for them. In all those situations, that you mentioned, the woman still was in love with the man, and had no hope (or so she thought) of reconciliation. I've been in that situation, and absolutely, have been really angry to get the typical "You're better off without that jerk" type stuff from friends. It's human nature to want the person you love to be worthy of your love, whether or not there's any reasonable hope of being with that person.