I enjoyed your post very much Stephanie! (:D)

I think you are right that Darcy’s love is not of the selfless romantic kind. I think a strong passionate, obsessive sort of emotion full of selfish desire otherwise he could have conquered it. I do think Darcy wants a companion he can share his life with and that he believes he has found her but unbeknownst to him he did not communicate this to Lizzy. Darcy was too self-absorbed in his internal struggles and in feeling out her opinions on various subjects “around” marriage that he both failed to discover if she has any pleasure in his company and to convey his regard for her through a proper courtship. I think he is victim to an unfortunate mixture of selfish pride, stubbornness, indecision and an inability to correctly decipher Lizzy’s regard for him.

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." (34)

Without considering that Lizzy’s bias against Darcy doomed his offer from conception I think his approach to her in Kent was in a way blind. Despite admitting “My temper would perhaps be called resentful” (11) I do not think Darcy realizes how his reserved temper appears resentful to Lizzy or that his internal struggles between his feelings for her and his scruples about the match make his behavior appear bizarre. For example visiting the parsonage yet making little to no effort to socialize. It is not just Lizzy’s biased view of him. When “he did speak, it seemed the effect of necessity rather than of choice -- a sacrifice to propriety, not a pleasure to himself” to Charlotte as well. Darcy tries to repress his feelings for Lizzy which on its own could cause his behavior to appear strange.

I am not sure if Darcy went to the parsonage to propose but it is possible. I lean towards the scenario that it was an impulsive decision at that moment. He enquires of Lizzy’s health, his stated reason for visiting, right away which she answers coldly but it seems to me he is only listening to the conversation in his head. His pacing and agitated manner seems the result of struggle. Another reason his proposal might be impulsive is that I don’t think he gave any thought to what he would say—what rushes forth are the internal struggles that have been rolling around in his brain for weeks. He is completely insensitive to how Lizzy will react to hearing his scruples because he is too self-absorbed with his own feelings to consider it just as many of his actions (inactions) have been unconsidered over the past few weeks.