HT feels that in marriage, men provide the material needs for life - home, food, clothing, carriges, whatever - while in dancing, women provide the material needs - a fan and lavendar water. I picture him saying this "fan and lavendar water" with a little ironic smile and a sparkle in his eyes (after all, there aren't many material needs to be provided for dancing - seems like the bigger burden seems to fall on the men in both instances, from Tilney's point of view).