He's not deliberately cruel, but I dont think that he realises how daunting he can be... just as he does not seem to realise that Mrs Norris as "mother figure" is doing the exact opposite of what he wants done with his daughters. Instead of teaching them propriety and being good and religious minded etc she's encouraging them to be vain worldly and selfish..

Now if he's really "into" making sure that his kids grow up OK surely he woudl be more well judging than that? Surely he would realise what Mrs N is really like, and how badly she treats Fanny.. and he'd be paying more attention to the girls adn seeing htat they are learning to behave well etc. But he doesn't...

While I agree that the 3 Bertrams, M Tom and Jul are probalby naturally selfish and not very warm hearted people, still I think that Sir T, Lady B and Mrs N all have SOME role in encouraging their worst nature... Sir T's rebuke to Tom about how he's gotten into debt and forced him to sell Edmund's living is not harshly worded, but then again, surely SIr T himself could have realised that Tom was spoiled and tried to take steps to cotnrol him before he got into debt? Even if he does not have much responsibilty by the tenets of the time for his daughters' education he has surely got a lot of responsibliyty for training up the eldest son?
I think that they all "catch" the idea from Sir T's ambivalences that yes its importnat ot be "good" and to know tehir religion etc - BUT sitll, its just as important, to catch rich husbands or make a good marriage, as Tom is no doubt expected to do...If Maria had fallen in love with a penniless curate I can't see Sir T being happy about it at least prior to his "awakening" in Antigua...
Sorry no time to say more!