] Did anyone else notice teh small detail that gentelmen preferred relatives to be their housekeepers?

This part made me think of Mr. Knightley. From the author's point of view, it is amazing that he hasn't married. Keeping this in mind (how hard and horrible gentlemen found running a household), what does this say about Mr. Knightley, who can run Donwell (and even throw parties!) so well? Is this a part of his character that we don't really appreciate but Regency ladies would have?

How about JA gentlemen whose wives were gone and their houses were looked after by family? We have Mr. Woodhouse, Sir Walter, Old Mr. Dashwood (Mrs. Dashwood must have been the lady of the house for him, right?) and General Tilney (any others?).

The contrast of Elizabeth Elliot and Emma Woodhouse as housekeepers is huge: Emma runs the house smoothly, and there are never any issues with her spending more money than she ought, or of having problems keeping servants (indeed, from what little we hear of them, the Hartfield servants seem to have been around a long time). Elizabeth, on the other hand, is constantly spending more than she ought, and aren't the servants upset with the Elliots (or is this just an impression from P2?)? How much better a household manager Anne would have been for her father!

] I immediately thougt of Mr Rochester and Mrs Fairfax.She was "as good s a Farifax or at least wed to one", wasn't she-a relation by marraige to Mr Rochester?

Yes, I believe Rochester's name is Edward Fairfax Rochester and that Mrs. Fairfax's late husband was a distant relative.