] It is also apparent to me that a good reference meant less than I thought it did, else why would so many people leave without giving proper notice?

Yes, this seems quite different from all I've read and the movies / TV programs I've seen. I still remember as a child, watching an episode of The Duchess of Duke Street (set in the Edwardian era) where the main character refused to give a reference to a young maid she had fired for some misconduct, and the next thing you knew, the girl was on the streets, having been unable to find any respectable job without a reference! Either times had changed considerably by then, or DDS wasn't quite accurate!