I put a note next to the point you mention -- James helping his wife to dress -- but didn't bring the book with me to work so forgot about it. It says a lot, doesn't it? This underscores the difference, IMHO, between a loving relationship and Soames and Irene. It's easy to blame Soames for being incapable of intimacy. But I also think that if he had a more loving wife, he may have softened. He married a woman who didn't love him so how could he be more loving? I remember one scene where he kissed her shoulder, but she was cold and unmoving in her reaction. How can you be warm or loving with someone who isn't interested in returning the feeling?