I am rather sure that the 'men only' rule at a funeral is not Victorian; this was the custom before Victoria. Only Jane Austen's brothers attended her funeral. Her sister Cassandra watched the procession from a window. At Princess Diana's funeral, while women attended, you will recall that it was her brother, sons, ex-husband and ex-father-in-law who followed the coffin but none of her female relatives. I do believe that women were in the procession however.