the conduct books of the time set out an ideal that I think JA abhorred: a subservient, modest ,quiet lady who would not talk about anything controversial, would sit and do her "work" produce children raise them and be perfectly content and quiet in her domestic sphere.

Real life , reading the diaries and journals of both men and women in our era,was IMO not quite like that.

JA reflected this in her female characters: and I do think she quite abhorred the tone and attitudes expressed by the conduct books.

So .......yes , a subservient , quiet, domesticated, modest woman was the ideal at the time(and frankly until pretty recently I think it always has been the "ideal") but I think JA was sufficiently "real" to know enough women who ran the roost-Mrs Leigh Perrot,anyone?- and to reflect this fact in her novels ;-)