...I can't see any of this wrong-headedness, force, or irrational deceit.

I see a lifelong family friend trying hard to encourage a beloved but willful, spoiled child (yes, even at 21!) to take up her obligation as the premier young lady of the neighborhood, in a time when this kind of obligation was accepted by all from the elites like Knightley and Mr. Woodhouse to the lower gentry like the Bateses to the low classes like the Martins and, maybe, Harriet.

He's struggling to get her to rise above her self-centeredness and isolation (there's no upper gentry around except the Woodhouses and the Knightleys -- even the Westons are nouveau) and accept both the privilege and the responsibility of leading her society as she should.