Emma tells Harriet of Mr. Elton’s superior manners suggesting the gentleness and softness of them are particularly wonderful:

"In one respect, perhaps, Mr. Elton's manners are superior to Mr. Knightley's or Mr. Weston's. They have more gentleness. They might be more safely held up as a pattern. …a young man might be very safely recommended to take Mr. Elton as a model. Mr. Elton is good humoured, cheerful, obliging, and gentle. He seems to me, to be grown particularly gentle of late. I do not know whether he has any design of ingratiating himself with either of us, Harriet, by additional softness, but it strikes me that his manners are softer than they used to be. If he means anything, it must be to please you. Did not I tell you what he said of you the other day?" (4)

Is this description of Mr. Elton a cause for concern? In P&P Darcy is so concerned at Lizzy’s misery over Lydia’s elopement that he found it impossible “to leave her, or to refrain from saying, in a tone of gentleness and commiseration, "Let me call…” (P&P, 46) but his overall manners are never described as gentle. Wickham’s are so described. His manners are described several times as being soft and gentle and Lizzy was particularly attracted to that aspect of his countenance:

Mr. Wickham began to speak on more general topics, Meryton, the neighbourhood, the society, appearing highly pleased with all that he had yet seen, and speaking of the latter especially with gentle but very intelligible gallantry. (P&P, 16)

Elizabeth was reminded… of her former favourite George Wickham; and though, in comparing them, she saw there was less captivating softness in Colonel Fitzwilliam's manners, she believed he might have the best informed mind. (P&P, 32)

"Poor Wickham; there is such an expression of goodness in his countenance! such an openness and gentleness in his manner!" (P&P, 40)

She had even learnt to detect, in the very gentleness which had first delighted her, an affectation and a sameness to disgust and weary. (P&P, 41)