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|Those ill-fitted for society are suited to cottages.
Written by Robert Ferrars
(5/17/2013 10:24 a.m.)
in consequence of the missive, How to keep out the riff-raff?, penned by Salazaar Slytherin
Slytherin, old boy,
I lament the extreme gaucherie which I really believe will keep such upstarts from being able to mix in proper society at Hogwarts; my brother, Edward, suffers from it, you know. But I shall generously attribute it less to any natural deficiency, than to the misfortune of a private education, which is precisely what Hogwarts will cure; as opposed to my elder brother, I, though probably without any particular, any material superiority by nature, merely from the advantage of a public school, am as well fitted to mix in the world as any other man. Upon my soul, I believe it is nothing more; and so I often tell my mother, when she is grieving about it. 'My dear madam,' I always say to her, 'you must make yourself easy. The evil is now irremediable, and it has been entirely your own doing. Why would you be persuaded by my uncle, Sir Robert, against your own judgment, to place Edward under private tuition, at the most critical time of his life? If you had only sent him to Westminster as well as myself, instead of sending him to Mr. Pratt's, all this would have been prevented.' This is the way in which I always consider the matter, and my mother is perfectly convinced of her error. Children should have their names down for schools such as Hogwarts since the hour of their birth, you know.
But you see, enabling such as can afford to come to Hogwarts will cure them entirely of social mistakes and gaucherie, don't you think? One might even come from a family in a shack! He shall become the greatest man who ever lived with such an education at his back! But if such upstarts are really such irredeemable, plain and simple folk, they can do no better than a Burrow or cottage somewhere, perhaps even in the illustrious grounds of your school; and I am thinking of the unfortunate Dashwood girls at Barton Park, jilted by one gentleman (Willoughby) and disappointed in another (the eldest had an inkling for my brother, no less, according to my sister). But the girls reside in Devonshire, I think, in a cottage near Dawlish. For my own part, you know, I am excessively fond of a cottage; there is always so much comfort, so much elegance about them. And I protest, if I had any money to spare, I should buy a little land and build one myself, within a short distance of London, where I might drive myself down at any time, and collect a few friends about me, and be happy. I advise everybody who is going to build, to build a cottage. My friend Lord Courtland came to me the other day on purpose to ask my advice, and laid before me three different plans of Bonomi's. I was to decide on the best of them. 'My dear Courtland,' said I, immediately throwing them all into the fire, 'do not adopt either of them, but by all means build a cottage.' And that, I fancy, will be the end of it.
Offer education to those you can; for those unworthy, there are surely grounds enough to build cottages and collect the savages, oafs and Marauders. Delaford clergymen, for instance, as my poor brother is to be; gamekeepers and their assistants; those sorts.
Mr. Robert Ferrars.
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